Albion 1/25/2020 10:56pm

Magnus Arquebus

The weapons used in the war are apparently horrific. The body of the young soldier is kept in an oversized sarcophagus, guarded by a pair of steely eyed old women wrapped in dessert camo burnooses. The women remain on vigil with the body in the cargo hold. We've also taken on a merchant and his small entourage, similarly retreating from the front. They are patient with our slow understanding of their patois, and describe the weaponry responsible for the soldier's death. Large crystals, borne...(READ MORE)

The Useless Precaution 1/23/2020 8:45pm

Count Almaviva

Questa non era una cucina normale. Allungando, più lontano di quanto l'occhio potesse vedere, c'erano corridoi e corridoi di forni. Questa grande caverna era una cucina completamente industrializzata, perfettamente pulita e ben illuminata. Senza dubbio gli standard di igiene e pulizia in questa sala delle meraviglie del forno hanno superato di gran lunga quelli di qualsiasi comune. E arte! La semplice perfezione trasmessa in ogni movimento dei fornai. Si spostarono all'unisono, contempora...(READ MORE)

The Sadie Hawkins 1/21/2020 10:08pm

Armando Lupiz

The Toothless Old Hag has invited me to her tent. It's a bunch of fabric and poles sticking out behind a floating boulder. It seems to be on our way everywhere we go. "Mrrrrrawhgh! Mrrrwawawrawa?" More of her wretched earthy tea. Ugh. "Garwwwuemawawawaru. Bwawwawamargu." She's certainly been a lot more calm since we've been marooned in this dimension. Quite happy here, actually. "Mwanheny dataykee daflaflaiverfuffy. Verfuffy!" She presents me a sm...(READ MORE)

Thot Slayer 1/19/2020 10:37pm


Upon setting foot back on the Thot Slayer, I was happy to find the crew still safely tucked away in the cargo hold. Granted, I'd locked them in, but you can't be too sure in an unfamiliar port! They'd gone through the peanut butter and bread and water I'd left, but found them oddly stoic. Nobody even said hi! Guess they're still getting over their trauma from our landing in the Bermuda Triangle. Getting back to the Bermuda Triangle seemed like the best next step. Perhaps I could find some c...(READ MORE)

Araceli 1/17/2020 11:24pm

Jimmy Three-hands

"This is all well and good, Jimmy Three-hands, but I fear we're getting off the subject. Our readers want to hear YOUR story, not the story of some Traveling Ant." Rocky Blaze, star reporter for the Bakemono Register, set down his pad and pen with his cute little raccoon hands, and looked up at me with his cute little raccoon eyes. But I knew these Raccoon reporters were anything but cute. They were dangerous. And with the Araceli full of Raccoon photographers, Raccoon editors, Racc...(READ MORE)

The Mephitis 1/15/2020 10:29pm

Captain Pirate II

サンダーデビル! コーヒーについてこれについて考えましょう。 "Ah, again please Mr. Capitan Piratu!"* サンダーデビル! 豊かに醸造され、素晴らしい味がします。 "Please, sir, Mr. Capitan Piratu! Can you please do it again but with more Hikōsen this time? Smolder with with it. Gambate Gokurosan!" サンダーデビル! くそファインコーヒー。 "CUT! Ok everybody let's take 15 minutes.&q...(READ MORE)

Eyes Without A Face 1/13/2020 7:31pm

Aeon Lore

Along with her monstrous size, audacious streamlined curves, and incredibly tasteful interior design, part of the brand (and the mystery) of the Mare Tenebrarum was that her crew always remained hidden. Not the wait staff and bellboys and customer-facing crew, of course. I mean the pilot and bridge and engine crew. All natives of the Planet of the Many-colored Grass, we knew the pure beauty of our skeletal forms would be too much for your kind. If our race were to be discovered we had no doubt...(READ MORE)

ol' big balloon 1/11/2020 6:58pm

Gladys Pompon

I can see them being delivered to me right now. On a silver platter. This Blimpmates delivery platform is so advanced you can watch a live feed of the delivery from your phone. I love advanced things. The camera focuses in on the bonbons in the rain, in the dark, on the silver platter. Under the street lights the bonbons look like they’re sweating, but it’s just the raindrops beading up on the mirror glaze. And there’s my porch, from the sidewalk. They’re coming to my door, knock...(READ MORE)

Egregore 1/9/2020 9:38pm

Rose Nomenclature

The dangerous and haunted artifacts trade can have its ups and downs, but I've realized I prefer the dangerous and haunted book side of the business. There's a certain civility you find there with book people, as opposed to the dangerous and haunted crystal skull business, or the dangerous and haunted doll family business. That said, the circle of book dealers I know in the industry have been saying times are getting rough. As the "Age of the Dark Twins" generation grows older, thei...(READ MORE)

Moonbeam 1/7/2020 9:03pm

Harry Otter

@Captain Jack Fenris! Sir! Temporal plasma cooling around us now. We are in-atmosphere... and it's still Earth, sir. Or at least "an earth." Retcon adjusted for temporal redshift at 0.05. So, a close enough branch down the pike. The year appears to be roughly 2007. The Black Parade still charting well. And we appear to be over north Africa. Egypt, coincidentally enough, sir. I'm picking up a transmission from another ship. Identifying itself as The Rapture, with Captain @that_nam...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai 1/5/2020 1:59pm

Billy Sabab

"Hubblehubblehubblehubble. Hubblehubble!" The King of the Fishmen can't stop kissing us. "It's great to be heroes, isn't it Shipman Eva?" "I'm just glad I'm wearing a helmet." The crowd of fishpeople has been partying for hours, with the school of Bullfrog babies darting and swarming around them. The underwater version of fireworks (chemically reactive planktons) have been going off all around us, and the dancing, and the good-natured revelry-ing. &q...(READ MORE)

Battle Bus 1/3/2020 10:43pm

Pomme Contrebandier

Mes relations professionnelles avec les guildes de musées de Destiny City sont profondes, et je sais également que ces chercheurs sont toujours reconnaissants pour une augmentation de leur financement, en particulier au niveau individuel. À l'insu de mon partenaire d'affaires stupide et quelque peu paresseux @Fritz Camembert, j'ai obtenu une petite fortune grâce à nos transactions chez The Card Shark. C'était une chose simple pour moi de pénétrer dans les sanctuaires les plus intérieurs...(READ MORE)

Spatuloso 1/1/2020 9:21pm

Soap Lotus

The hired muscle from the Confusion sure knows their business. They're intimidating just to look at, with their subtly designed aerodynamics, sharp blue fins, and cold expressions. I might have let my ballonets get a little soft running the rackets in Coconutville, and let me tell you these bad boys will make you suck up your gut just from looking at them. In most situations, their bad-ass looks are more than half the battle. Moving into new markets, floating over their cities, most people sc...(READ MORE)

Microwave Explosion 12/30/2019 9:51pm

Queen of the Hudson

"And this is the box?" I ask. Melvin 117 has it buried in his arms. "Uh... yes! Yes your... uh, majesty." He looks around like he's not sure what to do, then holds it before me, squinting, like I might breathe fire. "Bring it to me." He looks around again, then walks up the steps of my dais. The Twigs in my court stand and reach for their weapons. Denizens of the shanty towns around Poughkeepsie Field, homeless from the city, others that got lucky...(READ MORE)

Golden Stone 12/28/2019 2:50pm

Boatswain Bob

DING DING DING DING! When I ring that bell with capital letters that means you better pay attention! I wouldn't risk cracking that golden bell if it weren't for something serious, especially when things are getting HOT! Everybody clear the dance floor, except you, Mr. @Auric Bomburst! You stay right there on the Golden Stone logo, right there in the middle of the dance floor, right over that crack. That's right, good, stay right there while I pull this golden lever.......(READ MORE)

WonderFly9000 12/26/2019 10:12pm


The great @HRH Chons maketh his way over the road of Ament in the holy boat, and he passeth in it over this road which is without water, without being towed along. He maketh his way by means of the words of power of Mut, and by means of the words of power, and of the mighty Chronos Cannons, passeth the Moonbeam and its @Captain Jack Fenris to the chaos of the seas of time. *Whosoever shall make [a copy of] these [pictures] according to the similitudes which are in writi...(READ MORE)

The Flying Comrade 12/24/2019 11:54pm

Ben Tater

The entire crew has been working hard on the coding for our assault. We've remained in a connectivity blackout zone in the wilderness of the Western Ocean, living off the staples in our stores. Among those stores was a bushel of Cuties, those tiny mandarin oranges, which we busted out for a Christmas feast. Not only is the vitamin C crucial for the health and nutrition of the giant guinea pigs, but provides a huge morale boost for the holidays. We'll need that vitamin boost for the final phas...(READ MORE)

Dragon's Tooth 12/22/2019 11:11pm

Clammy Hamsphere

I've been having trouble convincing my brothers three to get together to watch the new Mermaid Imperium. Back during the hard times, that show really brought us together. But now that we're all rich as kings it's like we've lost what's really important between us. We might all have housekeepers and AI powered bidets, but we've traded it for our humanity. I'm having trouble finding that station again anyway. Can't remember which of the 7,218,198 channels it was. It was some kind of public acc...(READ MORE)

The Rapture 12/1/2019 10:43am


The Rapture left the continent of North America from Patrick’s AFB from Brevard County, Florida, USA, on Sunday, December 1st, 2019 at 1:27 PM EST. At 1:30 PM, several miles off shore, The Rapture activated an experimental device created by Terrazian Futuristics, called “THE WORLD,” causing Earth to appear to slow to almost a complete stop. In reality, The Rapture is going at extreme speeds. The Rapture exited “THE WORLD” at 1:32 PM EST off the coast of Guinea. The airship continued...(READ MORE)

Conquest 10/23/2018 11:57pm


Might be something with the transmission, but somethings going wrong. I don't think anything is getting through. If it is, I really need that job done, but it isn't showing up. I don't think the managers know that I'm kinda stuck. well, help if you can....(READ MORE)

Atlas 10/11/2018 11:39pm

Alex Marleybone

The Resurfacing has been accomplished with hardly a dent to the army. The Desert Arachni were admittedly reluctant to face defeat, and some good men had been lost to the gracious cause. Their deaths were not in vain, however. The breach into the ancient surface had been successful, despite the sacrifice of some beautiful ruins. When witnessing such destruction had reminded me of the previous memories of attending expeditions with my old crew mates, and how we planned months to reach here. Since...(READ MORE)

Ventura 7/23/2018 8:47pm

Olivia Diaz

It's so satisfying to have one's theories proven true. If only there was some way to share it with the people back home! And by home, of course, I mean Earth. We were prepared for this, and had been transmitting data back to HQ up till the very last minute. No doubt the last of it got a bit garbled in some interesting ways, but hopefully they'll find something useful in it. But the fact remains that our theories about the Brane were correct--that by reuniting it with its entangled partn...(READ MORE)

The Savage 5/31/2018 3:20pm

captain ryan

My ship is a savage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(READ MORE)

The Knight Snug 4/29/2018 5:26pm



The Holy Bibbizle 4/29/2018 2:32am

Grape Man Jones

God bless The Holy Bibbizle...(READ MORE)

Coney Island Baby 2/5/2018 8:10pm

Lou Grass

Welcome Aboard!...(READ MORE)

Claudette 2/3/2018 11:18pm

Melinda Artaud

Silver Springs Capital Management was thrilled to have our oversupply of R's, S's, and T's removed from circulation from Orbis Eruditi, but our books show that we still owe the Claudette for the removal. Our attempts at remittance to your Accounts Receivable have gone unanswered. Is there another way we should be paying you? We have 75 capital vowels of various denominations still awaiting your acceptance on our docks, and are ready to send them to any accredited grapheme logography of your choo...(READ MORE)

Invictus 2/2/2018 11:08pm

Nathan Hill

To the Crew of the Invictus: the Labour of the Squirrels remains in the clearing southwest of the Seat of the Squirrels, capitol of the Squirrel Kingdom. We were under the impression that you were removing them from the clearing and transporting them to the Animal Arts & Crafts Faire in Wilderbrook. Did we misunderstand? Should we engage the services of a different owner-operated franchisee member of Zephyr Air Transport to contract this work to? A side benefit, however, to this delay in...(READ MORE)

Viola Ventura 1/30/2018 1:28pm

Little Bo Johnson

Here at Viola Ventura we're capable of removing any kind of wreckage from any kind of place. Our ship is currently being refueled for the trip. We will arrive in 20 to 30 hours....(READ MORE)

USS Bizzle 1/25/2018 8:54am

Ronald Baldwin

Bizzle is here to run ish...(READ MORE)

Alis Gloriae 1/25/2018 4:53am


Captain's Log: 1/25/18 Currently on our way to Oslo to receive repairs. All cargo-workers involved in the sandwich incident have been sacked. Have sent an official apology out. Veedle...(READ MORE)

Shining Machine 1/24/2018 8:18pm

Ricky VII

- .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- / ... --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .... . .-.. .--. / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- / .-. . .- ... --- -. / - --- / ..-. .-.. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. . ...- . .-. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / --- .... / ... - --- .--. / - .... . / -- --- ..- -. - .- .. -. ... / .- .-. . / .--- ..- ... - / ... --- / ...- . .-. -.-- /...(READ MORE)

Voyager 1/23/2018 8:01pm

Captain Annie

After a few long years of training, I finally have the skills to be captain of my mother's airship. I accept this as my first job as captain of the Voyager!...(READ MORE)

The Chiron 1/22/2018 5:41am

Wind Ghosts

22/01 - Delivery successful, no major incidents to report. Cargo has been taken off ship by handlers. On our way back to home base...(READ MORE)

Nemesis 1/20/2018 2:47pm


This cat is wanted dead or alive, so that's how I'll deliver it!...(READ MORE)

Steel Aurora 1/19/2018 10:34am


the north koreans are getting a little upsetti at the lack of confetti i would have gotten the fuel by now but im duct taped to the bow........(READ MORE)

Night Pigeon 1/15/2018 5:09am

Dvorak Iahdl

Just accepted a job so I guess I’m taking flight....(READ MORE)

The Flying Captain 1/14/2018 6:23am


Free confetti...(READ MORE)

Solstice 1/12/2018 12:38am


Finally loaded and leaving Thailand. The Solstice will be headed to New York where we have the most peculiar drop off instructions. Under any dumpster. What on earth could the buyer be doing that he has the free time to check under every dumpster in New York City. But who am I to argue?...(READ MORE)

Der Puce Wal 1/11/2018 3:10am

DeMarcus J. Tyree II

Der Puce Wal ist betriebsbereit und bessere Tage liegen vor uns! Capt. D.J Tyree II is ready and willing to transport any and all gadgets, thingamajigs, doodads, whatsits, and gizmos no matter how dangerous or bizarrely worded. However, under NO circumstance will the honorable captain be liable to transport gubbins or ROUS....(READ MORE)