ALL SHIPS' LOGS

DENZIRO IX 12/31/2024 11:37pm

Jims Piedmont

There were a lot of rough years as the entire ecosystem was taken over by Stimulating Werejourney, Shake-on Ranch, Fully Clothed Little Helpers, Baby Jeans, AND MORE. A lot of folks didn't make it. But we learned to get along. Of course it didn't happen over night. The invasive plants had an entirely alien chemical structure--phytonutrients humans weren't designed to digest. There was a lot of trial and error in terms of learning how to cook them, but also with the adaptive genetic therapi...(READ MORE)

TSFTB Ship #12 12/29/2024 11:20pm

Terri the Wormhole

How they expect me to stay put in this 6' 7'' titanium cube I'll never know. I mean, sure, it's comfortable. There's a chill couch, and a big screen, and a wet bar and a workout room and bathroom with a shower, but once in awhile I just gotta GET OUT if you know what I mean. Of course, I can always go "within."...(READ MORE)

Denali XV 12/27/2024 9:47pm

Loretta Max

You can check the archive logs for the run-of-the-mill pickup and dropoff jobs I've been having, but this time I've really got something of note--prize laying "chickens" on their way to the Omaha Mutation Invitational. Got their own staff of attendants to help out with the trip, which means no chicken-shit shoveling for me. And these monsters look like they can really put out a lot. Half the weight is just their bio-engineered feed, then some pounds for their staff. Big paycheck and I...(READ MORE)

Invictus 12/25/2024 10:09pm

Laroop the Ninth

In the Lower Hyperplasmodic Observation Chamber, my fellow Lattice Sisters swarm. "They make the droplets!" "They are dripping up!" "They are growing their droplets," Sister the Seventh cooed. "Hush," said Sister One. "Their worlds become gravid. Let us watch their droplets grow. For now."...(READ MORE)

Thot Slayer 12/23/2024 9:48pm

Slobodkina

"Well this certainly makes things easier," shouted the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl as we were tossed around the bridge. "What's happening?!!" "Caught in its magnetic field. Really more like an automated guidance system. We would have a had a heck of a time inserting on our own." The Thot Slayer began to heave and turn nose down. "This is why we strap in!" the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl said. "And don't worry about the twins....(READ MORE)

Berrysoul 12/21/2024 11:23pm

Drew Pman

"Sistern! The Giant Catchers are here!" "And not a moment too soon. Show them in." The door to the girl's bathroom remains shut, but the tiny knocks and banging persist. "Doorknob's too high for 'em to reach," says the giant catching technician. "Oh! My, you snuck up on me." "Being stealthy's part of the job, mamm. Is the infestation limited to this one location? Do you know how many?" "Yes, just this restroom. There are...(READ MORE)

Murder of Crows 12/19/2024 10:33pm

Bethel Ways

You get into a groove, climbing the 20 trees for @Master Willi. They've gotta be tall trees. Which is most of the trees in the forest around Sugar Pine Temple. There's no time limit on how long you can take to climb the 20 trees, but you have do them all together, one after another, and you don't want to be late for dinner or other duties because then you get in trouble for that. So you start up the first tree and just keep on going. After a few, they all get to looking like the same...(READ MORE)

Maryellen-Carter 12/17/2024 11:22pm

Philidippus Regius

"Uh, Phil? I'm starting to slip!" "Hold on Spartaeina! Take a deep breath and settle your setule" "Ah. There. Praise van der Waals." "Praise van der Waals. Now, just a few more shots and we can slip back out of here the way we came." "That's really their queen? It looks more like... a factory. All smokestacks and ooze." "Well that's what they've turned her into. Filthy eusocialists." "Nobody'd believe it without t...(READ MORE)

Apollo 12/15/2024 11:40pm

Budgie Pete

"SQUAWK! Mr. President! Hold it together!" I give him a bite on the finger. That gets his attention. "The Angels... You said they'd respond to my voice... The voice of the president..." We'd been looking at the news footage too long. The President was losing it. "SQUAWK! Angels angry! Angels need friend. SQUAWK!!" "A... friend?" The President turns to me in a daze. "Nice voices! Kindly friends! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! Emma and Isabell. Nice...(READ MORE)

The Celestial Voyager 12/13/2024 11:42pm

Fray Equine

"I'm sorry sir, but it looks like the warranty expired last month." "You're kidding me. What, are they just built to hold together until the warranty kicks in?" "Did you purchase our extended service plan? For big purchases, we always suggest..." "No I didn't purchase the service plan. But this just seems like too much of a coincidence." "Have you been performing the regular maintenance, sir?" "I'm supposed to perform maintena...(READ MORE)

Araceli 12/11/2024 3:52pm

Jimmy Three-hands

It's true ol' Jimmy Three-hands told a fib. And maybe Great Mama Two-hands could smell it, since Great Mama Two-hands has her two great big noses. And don't get me wrong -- everybody loves those noses! But it is too much to be too long anywhere. Jimmy Three-hands is a rambler, and comes a time when even Great Mama Two-hands rambles on a bit too much. So there I was, ramblin' on in the Araceli, taking a look at the comic-book pages she was plastered together with, and dang it if it didn't appe...(READ MORE)

Sphinx Nerif 12/9/2024 11:54pm

Megan Virago

DEAR CLIENT: Hey thanks for hanging in there. Sorry for not getting in touch earlier, but the AVESAPIEN 0˯0 branch at Top 'o the Tall Tree, Far-out East Willow, Grand Reach Peninsula, was flat out of AVESAPIEN nest-beds. I know, right? Not like it isn't one of their top five products, at least. They said they could get another shipped over from another branch -- Uncomfortable Stump, on the other side of the Sorrel Sea from the Grand Reach -- but it was going to take forEVER since they m...(READ MORE)

E.L. Spence 12/7/2024 10:50pm

Jeri Jade

"I'm sorry, I know it's late but I'm here from the Firm." The butler didn't look like I'd woken him. "Yes, we've been expecting you. Please come in." The butler took my raincoat. My briefcase was waterproof, and with dual 12 digit alphanumeric locks. "How quaint," the butler said, looking at it. "The Vandenbergs will see you now. This way, please."...(READ MORE)

U.S.S. Lilybug 12/5/2024 5:14pm

Meeeuuuumooo

"Urp." "You know, it's probably not good for us to get too used to this." "I know, right? Totally factory-grown cloud krill. But it tastes sooooo good..." "They probably put stuff in it to make it taste this way." "Who knows what else they're putting in it." "We're already filled with nano-trackers." "And next you're going to say they're controlling our brains from satellites in space." "They ARE.&quo...(READ MORE)

Mórbido do brejo 12/3/2024 4:56pm

Sapin

olha, eu sou boa nos serviço, nunca quebrei nada, so responsavel, gosto de sorvete, e moro no acre...(READ MORE)

The Mephitis 12/2/2024 5:11pm

Katz Spindle

I spent some time roaming the grounds before dinner. The grass was trimmed, the pyramid tall. A few children with balloons and cotton candy wandering around. Where were their parents? 9 was a little late for dinner for me, and the corn-on-a-stick was looking like just the thing. "ELOTE en stick" the vendor corrected me. "How much?" I asked. "¿Cuánto?" "Free! Todo incluido," said the vendor. Perhaps @Captain Pirate IX had purchased us pass...(READ MORE)

The Revelation 11/30/2024 11:56pm

Phoenix Quinn

"Orange Jurious?" said Camy. "Orange you glad I didn't say... " Campbell said. "Well it looks like an Orange Julius. And I'm thirsty," I said. "Ok but what do they take for money here? But wait it doesn't matter because we don't have any of it anyway." "I think I saw a kiosk that exchanges money. We walked right past it," Campbell said. "There certainly are people from... all over..." said Camy. As we got further into...(READ MORE)

The Crystal Skull 11/28/2024 11:52pm

Mandy Pigtail

"Well, it's not like we can do miracles," the magician said. @Andrew, the zombie attack survivor, still hadn't said much after I found him in the wardrobe. He was able to follow instructions, and in fact was an excellent ship's hand, and I figure really had been a captain once. Before the attack. But his mind still seemed a bit wrecked. "We can try him a bit with the tin hat. Here." The magician shuffled around in a cupboard and pulled out a witch's hat made out of t...(READ MORE)

The Eolas Anatolijus 11/26/2024 4:27pm

Whitney Micrathene

"She says she wants to go to Kle-hemet. And bring back something heavy." Why Kle-hemet for gods' sakes, I wondered. Every local scrapper had been over that place twice. And it wasn't an easy trip, necessarily. If you ran into trouble it was a long way back, and the desert out there could be a bit unforgiving. "Did she offer a price?" I asked. There were only two other lifters in our class at Sh-khem these days, since the Hedgehog disappeared. In that very area. And t...(READ MORE)

Eyes Without A Face 11/24/2024 11:42pm

Grace Gearhorn

Traveling through the murk on the far side of the Drain is pretty much exactly what the murk is like on our side of the Drain. "Oh no, captain," @Ensign Charmers. "Can't you smell the wonder? The excitement? The freedom of untamed lands?" Of course, all the hatches were closed on the Eyes Without a Face. Otherwise the murk would pour in and drown us all. So the murk wasn't something one would generally ascribe a scent to. It was always just "there." "A...(READ MORE)

prixxi 11/22/2024 11:57pm

Captain Vex

Call me Whisper. Whisper Vex. I've driven flash for the Unoiled Concubines, and for the Wishmore Achievers, and the Lonesome Revivers too. I've moved shipments of canned starhawk through the Famine Straits and provided refreshments at the Convocation of the Shadowfates. I've done the slingshot through the Needles and come back with a full load. Twice. I only transport the hottest products through the hottest markets, and these Erroneous Nail Discovery Kits are the hottest thing I've touche...(READ MORE)

Egregore 11/20/2024 4:33pm

Rose Nomenclature

We tracked the small armada through the next day from a comfortable distance, riding in the clouds, surfacing now and then to keep them in sight. If they spotted us, they didn't let on. The ridiculous @Billy Sabab was somewhere ahead in his Matte Kudasai, heading for whatever ominous fate @Madam Zita's Enchanted Crystal Ball had predicted. The flock of ships ahead of us was obviously on his tail, and we were on theirs. And the flock really was a small fleet, with two medium and one general cl...(READ MORE)

SMILEYS BASEMENT 11/18/2024 4:07pm

Goody Goody

We're not just breakfast cereal toys for hire. We only do what's right! Like encouraging positive nutrition and good health....(READ MORE)

e 11/16/2024 3:23pm

Bretenda J

A book jumped out at me -- literally -- in the low security shelves. Poor little guy was misshelved, obviously. Was not able to read the title on the spine and the darn thing wouldn't let me open it. This complicates figuring out where it should go, because obviously it needs some higher level of containment, and without a title or author or access to the metadata on its edition page, the database doesn't really help. So I'm keeping it in my bunk till I figure out what to do with it....(READ MORE)

The Metataxi 11/13/2024 11:12pm

Rachel Innocence

"I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me," I said to the dry cleaner. @Runa SecretTradition, @Rita Pearl, and @Ryung Brightness, all received such heroic items, befitting their status. Magic widsom cloaks and impenetrable shields. Me, I'm not even an officer, and this was only my first mission. "But you've got one thing they haven't got," said the dry cleaner. "What's that?" I asked. "Humility. And a child-like wonder. Two! Two thin...(READ MORE)

ol' big balloon 11/11/2024 6:01pm

Lady Bast

"We've got a sounding, Captain." Thank the gods. We've been trapped in this dreary no man's land for weeks. The crew was getting restless. "How far, ensign?" "We should make it there in plenty of time. The portal is just initiating." "Full speed, ensign. Comms, let the crew know we've found a hole." "Aye aye, mam."...(READ MORE)

SS Evergreen 11/9/2024 11:23pm

johnkeely

WHAT I SAW IN THE WORM'S MIND These gigantic earthworms aren't what they seem. They are ancient. And super-intelligent doesn't seem like too big a word. Once they traveled freely, all over the earth. But not just by crawling and burrowing. By flying. This worm has shown me the schematics in my mind. Or at least in a way in which humans could comprehend. But it's fundamentally simple. Each giant earth worm is harnessed to a gas balloon. The gas balloons are fashioned out of...(READ MORE)

Razorcrest 11/7/2024 1:10pm

starfilly

metalthorax!!!! \m/,(> . <)_\m/ omg i was never into metal i spent all my time just on the ritual trance circuit which gets heavy sometimes and i always thought there was something kind of negative and mean about metal but boy was i wrong. the spider wasps are actually super mellow (in the heaviest sense) and there's this sublime beauty that i think you can compare to trance on a lot of levels but it just hits so much deeper because of the jackhammer subsonics and overall vibratory pallete...(READ MORE)

Zap Colonize Epilog 11/5/2024 4:48pm

Teak

Zigardel Mountain of pure Kaen Burning tip of burning spear Scorching wood and Searing minds Destroying music with its terrible frequency What foul creatures thrive In its crystal spires That have no music in them? What foul creatures have taken our beloved Tara? To this place no music grows? Their crystal ships slice the air Their crystal noses pierce the wind Their crystal voices cut our ears Zigardel...(READ MORE)

The Sadie Hawkins 11/3/2024 11:55pm

Armando Lupiz

With another pop and a flash, I found myself in a barn. A dusty, hay-filled barn at mid-day. Light streamed through the windows, lighting up the dust motes swirling into the rafters. I was apparently in the tack room, which sported leather saddles and bridles of all sizes and construction hanging from the walls around me, as well as a few of the familiar display boxes I'd seen in other locations. And luckily, there were no goons. No heavies, no muscle, no foot soldiers of whoever was behind L...(READ MORE)

Toxic Shipping #4583 11/1/2024 11:35pm

Little Matty

Boy am I glad to get out of Compound #8295. Sure, they seemed quite fond of me, but I figure this body's grown back as much as it's going to, and I gotta get out and see the world! I feel like a whole new guy, frankly. So I got ol' #4583 back into working order and I'm off to make my way in this great big toxic world. So long, toxic chumps!...(READ MORE)

Steampunk to hell 10/29/2024 10:23pm

Luz Dunkel

I made it to the hatch without slipping. All the way on my hands and knees. "You first," he gestured down the hatch. There was a tiny ladder. "And don't try any funny business." There was another one at he bottom of the ladder. "Hey, watch it," I said. "She's clean," he said. "Oh!" I remembered. "My Impossibag. It fell. Off the side." They both laughed. "Well you'll need to say goodbye to your bag," said...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai 10/27/2024 11:55pm

Billy Sabab

Night watch was a little less lonely and disturbing, now that I'd come clean with Shipman Eva. The rest of the crew could feel it too, even if they didn't know all the details. "Stern, port, and starboard watches still not seeing anybody captain." "Steady as she goes, ensign." We were running dark, so console lights provided the only illumination on deck. Past the windshields, it was a moonless night, but the stars were enough to light up the clouds and the silhouett...(READ MORE)

The Sightline 10/25/2024 4:44pm

Jan Janssson

Yeah I've got over a hundred paperclips sticking out of the wall in my basement. I've been searching the internet for months and happened upon your post. The paperclips appeared some time ago and are fused into the wood paneling near my built-in mini-bar, and protrude in such a way that they are undoubtedly four-dimensional. The paperclips have become a point of interest when I host cards night or watching parades on the big screen TV with my fellow parade enthusiasts, and it would be interes...(READ MORE)

agro 10/23/2024 5:15pm

Sour Pineapple

Seeding the sentient slime source excretions is a tricky--but delicious--business. "Mobile Slime Seedling Station 8063 this is the Agro, on approach, over." "Sour Pineapple? I'd know that salty twang anywhere. This is Mandy, receiving you at the 8063, over." Ah, Mandy Maple. It'd been a long time. "Maybe we can catch up a bit after I get these source excretions in the ground? Over." "Aerodrome's past the south end, over the hillock. And I can alw...(READ MORE)

No Questions Asked 10/21/2024 11:23pm

S. Glenn

Some people think my line of work is glamorous. I guess it's true there's a kind of romance to it. Getting put up in exotic locales is a perk of being at the top of my game. I've had my share of dumpy assignments, have no doubt. And--in terms getting the mission accomplished--you get a fair amount of independence. But a fundamental part of the job is you can't share it with anybody. Sec-ops. Can't talk to anybody about it while you're doing it, and can't tell anybody after. That gives the hi...(READ MORE)

base 1 10/19/2024 11:27pm

Mickey Fine

Damn. I didn't even know there was a pen in the breast pocket, and now it's leaked all over the place. I look like a dork, walking around in this very nice Base with a giant stain on my gabardine coat. And I'm sure people are following me now since I've ended up a with big rusty key which is obviously some kind of vital MacGuffin in a scenario I'm supposed to play out. I never figured I'd leave Base 1. I'm just a janitor, not some high flying Base jumper. Guess that's what I get for stealin...(READ MORE)

The Hartlepool 10/17/2024 11:10pm

Guy Reese

As a rule, cybernetic war monkeys stay together as a group. The group provides protection, as well as assured access to food and clean water, and a dry tent to sleep under at night. It's also hardwired into those cybernetic brains of theirs. As part of my research, I had a few cybernetic war monkey components installed--just temporarily of course--and I can tell you the pack sense is strong. I ended up driving my RV directly to the nearest cybernetic war monkey enclave and setting up camp. L...(READ MORE)

Stratospheric Aerodrome Renoire 10/15/2024 11:57pm

Imperator Koscara

"And where then IS my darling whizzing wheel? Why is it not here, in my vast Hangar of Time?" "Imperator," says Lead Engineer. "Our field collapsed during the Screen Grab Process. It's possible it's been destroyed." My engineers are worthless. "Destroyed? DESTROYED?" "Yes, Imperator," says Lead Engineer, wincing. "Well then. We'll just have to find another. Begin the search." "Imperator. The Screen Grab Process i...(READ MORE)

Zeppelin Zoologica 10/13/2024 11:57pm

Didel Fidae

BARTENDER: Well we get a lot of skunks in here. MARMIE: And you check all their IDs real good too, I'm sure. BARTENDER: Hey, I don't have to take this kinda talk from a bunch of Marsupials. Out here in the Skunk Territories, we got our own ways of doing things. DIDEL: But there's one thing that's understood in all the territories... *DIDEL slides an envelope across the bar. It's thick with bills. BARTENDER reaches out his paw. DIDEL puts his paw down on the envelope first.* DIDEL:...(READ MORE)

Spatuloso 10/11/2024 11:21pm

Auto Slops

"Hey there big blue buddy! Looks like we could help each other out! I've lost my Bluefin, and looks like you've lost your blinders." The tiny person in the ruins was talking to me. I drifted closer. "I'm a Bindy Binder man. Let jump up your repair hole and I'll have you fixed up in no time. Haven't you got a Bindy Man? Did you lose him in the fracas?" I don't think I've ever had a Bindy Man.  "Every Bluefin's got a Bindy Man inside him. Or her. Let me up yo...(READ MORE)

Moonbeam 10/9/2024 10:38pm

Harry Otter

"Hulloooooooo!" I called into the tunnel. Just a thin split between stony scrags. The cave was mighty musty. Smelled like the reptile house at the zoo. "Big Bulldog! Are you alright?" I pulled a flashlight from my utility belt and stepped inside. "Hellooooooo?" And immediately fell, tumbling, as the ground shuddered beneath my feet. This is Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting....(READ MORE)

The Redmane 10/7/2024 10:03pm

Kendall Warren

"Just how fast can a Watoobian reindeer run?" asked the navigator. Did he permanently reek of alcohol? "Faster than all other reindeer combined," I said. "Or so the stories go..." There was a trail of sparkle in the air through the trees in the direction Macaron the Reindeer had taken off in. The flowers and silver fruits tinkled and the sky was filled with rainbows. "Wait," asked one of the team members. Josh I think his name is. "What do y...(READ MORE)

The Nimble Shroud 10/5/2024 11:59pm

Lt. Denkt

We tried leaving Tingalayo eleven more times. No matter which direction we set off in, The Nimble Shroud was buffeted back by gale force winds. And the biting cold within the cabin seemed to only grow worse. "On the bright side," said Khlebnikov, "we haven't been turned into goats yet." "Baaaaaaaa," said Captain @katelynn. "Yeah, why is that?" Dranitsyn said. I stirred the logs in the campfire. "Because we've kept our distance," I...(READ MORE)

The FV GlobeRoamer 10/3/2024 10:45pm

Nella Allen

I had nuts, but never got anywhere. Waltzing around the garden looking for nuts, picking them up and then burying them. I'd unbury them later and pick them back up, looking for nuts, waltzing around the garden. I never got anywhere, but I had nuts....(READ MORE)

USS Imperative 10/1/2024 5:07pm

Fritzi Zwicki

Turned out Zephyr Tech's customer service was as bad in this reality as back home. Was being beached here as bad as all that? I was the captain of my own ship now, complete with ramjets (though obviously some kinks to work out) and many other futuristic amenities I could never hope to afford. Still, it all felt like ill-gotten gains resulting from the Mezmo Event and I had a responsibility to make things right. But if Zephyr Tech couldn't fix it, then who? "ADAM PAUSA!" A...(READ MORE)

The Unfamiliar Cabbage 9/29/2024 11:35pm

Karen Cornflower

Yes this message is for Quantum Containment, Sector B Subcluster on the Western Rim? I'd like to report a zombie ship your area--The Unfamiliar Cabbage. Last known coordinates Leafer 5-1-7 Stem 203.541. We had some, uh, spoiled merchandise onboard that must have escaped its containment housing (we believe it was tampered with) and it may have put the crew into a somewhat mindless state (completely temporary, no doubt). They're not responding to hails and we're concerned that if they w...(READ MORE)

Minecraft is the best 9/27/2024 2:21pm

Alida Wegner

Welcome!!! Welcome to A Few of my Favorite Things! Did you hear the little song as you walked in? Don't you think that's cute? Sometimes when I'm in the back room I don't hear people come in so I have that little ringer on the door. But oh it puts you in the right mood doesn't it? So! Anything I can help you with today? I will admit my stock is a little low of late. I'd hate to think it's my memory... I've had soooo many favorite things in my life, but as people stopped coming in, it's lik...(READ MORE)

WonderFly9000 9/25/2024 10:04pm

Milt McGee

The path down into the depths of this particular Horrendous Peak of Underland (one of the thirteen) was an icy spiral staircase. "Watch your step," I told Tom. "Ow!!!!!!" thump thump thump thump thump thump thump...(READ MORE)

Microwave Explosion 9/23/2024 11:33pm

Larry Fantasio

"It seemed like we were in Amarillo forEVER," said the @Queen of the Hudson. She was trying to get comfortable in the pilot's seat but just kept on talking. "Well we got out of there in a hurry," I said. "Can we stay in a proper hotel one of these nights? I want a bath." The shower in the Microwave Explosion was pretty nice, actually. See-through floor. "Not tonight, dearie," Black Hermione said. Her wooden head was set up on the dash. "T...(READ MORE)

The Flying Comrade 9/21/2024 11:55pm

Ben Tater

"We can't just go... kidnapping people!" I yelled at the Parsnip. "Kidnapping kids!" The Parsnip was tearing down the highway in High Turbo Mode. The kid with the cheesy fries was rolled up in the red and white awning on the floor, squirming and thrashing like a worm. His cries were muffled. "That's no kid," announced the Parsnip. "He's one of mine. Unroll him." The kid was still squirming and yelling, but I tried to tell him to take it easy as I...(READ MORE)

the merchant's coop 9/19/2024 10:40pm

Hedley Whitmire

I would like to return this giant monkey statue....(READ MORE)

The Useless Precaution 9/17/2024 11:41pm

Count Almaviva

Sebbene fossimo tutti molto nervosi per la sorte del nostro caro amico Le Reptile, dare al mio equipaggio un pasto decente è stata la cosa migliore per tutti noi. E ci siamo addormentati così tanto... "Svegliatevi! Svegliatevi! Scimmie nude!" I colpi e il cinguettio ci hanno svegliati all'istante. "Grassi galleggianti sugli alberi! Dovete muovervi se volete recuperare vivo il vostro amico squamoso!" Appesi ai lati di The Useless Precaution, e riempiendo le cime...(READ MORE)

Nixxi 9/15/2024 11:31pm

Humbert

It was a long walk to meet the President of the Clowns. There were many layers of clown security to go through, each with a more extravagant clown in increasingly ridiculous clown military garb. As each one saw Four-hole Flat sewn to my shirt, they keeled over flat on their back, with a little circle of birds tweeting over their head. "Again! Again!" cried Four-hole Flat. There were various checkpoints rigged with booby traps as well, boxing gloves on springs, cream pie launcher...(READ MORE)

HMS Dunwall 9/13/2024 11:15pm

Kyle Gallant

"If you're just joining us, we're here at the, well, are we right to call it the 'first ever' red carpet broadcast from Queen Abigail's court, Claire?" "Yes, that's right, Kyle. This is the very first time we're taking a taking a peek at her Highness's birthday guests as they arrive from their various duchies and baronies and viscounties from their beautiful carriages and make their way to the Hall of Crystal Vision, where the party is being held this year." "And w...(READ MORE)

bonerabbit 9/11/2024 7:58pm

Oliver Whitehead III

"All that I can see from this butte, I claim in the name of the Celestial Presidents!" Yes, it's true, I could have picked a clearer day, as my aide-de-camp pointed out. "Well, just use the equation," I said. "The square root of the altitude multiplied by 1.225. Didn't they teach that in aide-de-camp school?" "Well then why didn't we do it from the air? You know, up in the giant destroyer class bomber zeppelin?" "That would be cheating,&q...(READ MORE)

Liberate Tuteme 9/9/2024 11:42pm

The Zaratan

MWWWWWWWW OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO...(READ MORE)

Albion 9/7/2024 11:10pm

Dishwater Meat

I don't know why old @Adam Sol and @Florence Twofoot think I'm the one for this job. "Because you're the one who takes out the garbage," Florence says. Well, they've got a point with that, I guess. Not that there's that much garbage to be taken out anymore. Just crumbs from the waffles. And entire waffles, since the Haunted Dolls don't touch theirs. Old Adam Sol thinks they draw some kind of sustenance from them, invisibly. Maybe that's the source of the smoke that you see them b...(READ MORE)

The Bloody Death 5/8/2024 11:34am

Jonathan

I need money...(READ MORE)

Exordium & Terminus 1/21/2024 8:49am

Aelia

I accept the job offered......(READ MORE)

The Imaginary Potato 12/12/2023 8:49pm

Iliketrains.wheee

I like potatoes. Do I potatoes?...(READ MORE)

Government housing 12/4/2023 11:36am

Government housing

I take the job HEHEHE...(READ MORE)

404 not found 11/27/2023 2:43pm

huifdjhgbveghy

the crez hqs unfortunqtley been cursed to groz ,ustqches qfter the che,icqls got ,ixed qound: unfortuqnley ,y keyboqrd is still cursed; so nobody cqn reqd this:...(READ MORE)

SS. Simpson 11/13/2023 2:04pm

Dies Vitae

I hired 6 crew members, and the wild rock has eaten them all! Ships, please help! We are stranded at Bubblegum Island, full of deadly bunnies who will stop at nothing to eat you, quicksand/bubblegum, and a giant Bubblegum volcano that is due to erupt any minute now!...(READ MORE)

mondgilde 10/17/2023 11:40am

m00nglad3

...(READ MORE)

the Omega project 8/1/2023 9:54pm

Pinstripe

What is it like to be a pinstripe and lose your stripes? To be a jacket, deconstructed? What lies within, indeed? Mrs. Krause was kind as she clipped away the remnants and tatters of my old life. How did we finally locate The Great Dry Cleaners? How did we even make it from @smiley's warehouse to this fortunate ship? It's all a blur of traveling jacket hibernation and trans-pattern drift, aided perhaps by the consciousness expanding powers of nano-flavonids. If only @Houndstooth were here...(READ MORE)

spes 6/7/2023 3:07am

fugemo

?...(READ MORE)

Zephyrus 5/27/2023 11:12am

June

Hi, I have two people available to get these gears for you. Would that be enough? Precautions are a good thing to take....(READ MORE)

USA 4/14/2023 10:24am

NoOne

I picked up the specified object and dropped it off at the following location: 46°14′06″N 06°02′42″E, 2010...(READ MORE)

smiley's warehouse 2/12/2023 10:10pm

Herrringbone

At @Seersucker's request, I went in search of a janitorial station, looking for stain remover. After having no luck in a certain broom and mop closet I noticed one of the ceiling tiles ajar and decided to poke my (borrowed) head in to take a look. Naturally it was quite dark and I couldn't see anything but hints of a framework of metal supports, extending into the darkness like a wild jungle gym at night. But the breeze was fresh and there was a sense of space and openness, and I began to climb....(READ MORE)

SS.youhaveashrimpy 2/6/2023 2:37pm

rae

russia...(READ MORE)

Trade Federation 1/30/2023 9:18am

1233asas

yes...(READ MORE)

hindenburg 12/14/2022 10:26am

John doe

We set sail for america!...(READ MORE)

Battle Sub 10/11/2022 11:28am

mystery

day one lets see how this goes...(READ MORE)

-.-. --- .-. .--. --- .-. .- - .. --- -. ... / -.. 8/26/2022 8:40am

hmmm

This is my first job & I screw this up it's 'cause I did NOT get ANY training. Also yea, I accept it....(READ MORE)

Deadman's Last Ride 6/8/2022 6:15pm

Enfer

lost... again... who would have guessed it... we need a job, and one soon... we'll take anything at this point... crew's getting restless and annoyed... this is an... odd... situation......(READ MORE)

The Atlantic Sway 5/15/2022 11:04pm

Dr. Erwin Strand

Subject W114b** Breakthrough Intelligence Sequence Investigation  The aquatic mammal registered as @Northern Right Whale has consistently shown ULTRA MK level mastery of an increasingly sophisticated semiotic result chain and implementations. Graduation to operation Mama Goose has been approved.  The first airship specially scaled for large Earth whales has recently been completed. It is large enough to support a crew of 12 large Earth whales in its aquatic habitat. This “aquarium of...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai in a tragically Sad America 5/13/2022 1:04pm

MayteeV

’Ello Maytee! I think I moight be able to help ye with the job, provided I shall be provided with coinage. As you can see, me sweet lady ship goes all the wae from the New World to the easter asian islands, and Me just so happens to be stationed about lil ol Koloszvar. The eye contact thengye won’t pose a roblem, as I robbed meself of sight in order to look kool while rocking the double eye patches. Anywaes, If ye wanna contact me, ye shall send a pigeon up in the sky, with a message and...(READ MORE)

S S Rosemary 5/12/2022 9:20am

Captain M Wood

Fellow Transporters! We at the S S Rosemary are officially taking our first job! We will be delivering black holes in canning jars for our client Chyppe Sol. Our port will be Tamkar-7 in Andromeda, which is a bit out of the way, so we understand if no-one wants to meet us there. Despite the assurances of the job posting, we will be spending a day black hole proofing our ship and ourselves, and we should be able to deliver in 2 earth days. SIgning off Capt M Wood...(READ MORE)

Non Sum Qualis Eram 5/1/2022 11:29pm

Asphodel Meadows

Dear Captain, I am leaving this note pinned to the hatch of the Non Sum Qualis Eram in hopes that you and your crew will discover it upon returning from lunch. I find the canteen at this particular aerodrome to be exceptional, as you no doubt discovered if you ordered their speciality -- grilled cheese and tomato soup! Even if you are not a tomato soup fan I believe you will find it utterly irresistible. I frequently come to this particular aerodrome to judge the measure of the various sh...(READ MORE)

Wait what do I put here? 2/26/2022 2:06am

Shelale M.

Im just an amateur, please be nice to me captain TvT...(READ MORE)

Voyager 7/9/2021 4:49pm

max

hi...(READ MORE)

sus 6/16/2021 1:51pm

pink

sus among us best yes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeep rubux robux robux yes yes ye s yeysss death...(READ MORE)

Golden Stone 3/15/2021 7:26pm

Dirac Fermion

Hey has anybody seen my antiparticle? And let me give you a hint it's not my sister Majorana. Anybody can tell she's her OWN antiparticle. She thinks everything is always about her. She's so high energy. AND maintenance. It's ME who has to worry about my antiparticle showing up at any minute, poofing me out of existence. It's why I stowed away here on the Golden Stone. My antiparticle would NEVER think of looking for me h-----...(READ MORE)

Fart Squad 1/7/2021 5:51pm

StinkyFart

i fart, it stink, ow stinky hlep.,...(READ MORE)

04 12/14/2020 8:54pm

Officer Fresno

Hullo? tap tap tap Anybody home? Sorry I'm late. There was a paperwork mixup down at the station. Anyway, we had a report of some suspicious activity so we're just following up. Anybody? tap tap tap...(READ MORE)

St. Ableberry 11/22/2020 2:30pm

Pantha Abelberry

It's no problem! I can speak draconic, so the dragons will probably understand! I'll get right to it!...(READ MORE)

Battle Bus 11/18/2020 10:53pm

Pomme Contrebandier

C'est ainsi qu'a commencé notre plus belle vie à l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A. J'ai trouvé que mon partenaire commercial était un homme changé. L'air frais et l'exercice lui ont fait du bien, sans parler du soleil, que sa peau blanche et pâteuse avait rarement ou jamais vue auparavant. Cela, associé au pain surnaturellement nutritif de l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A, a donné à mon partenaire autrefois paresseux et obséquieux une nouvelle résilience. Maintenant qu'il a part...(READ MORE)

USS Enterprise 11/16/2020 11:04am

Captain Squirrel Esq

Land, ho! And a yo-ho-ho to you, which is just one yo- away form Santa, with all the Jollyness it brings! We are hereby most honoured to undertake this brave venture, and hand over these here Ancient Shortbreads even more Ancient to the recipient, in five years time! It shall certainly add to the value of the vintage. In the meantime, we shall boldly skedaddle, where no man has skedaddled off to before!...(READ MORE)

Gamer 11/3/2020 9:34am

Brap

This job be so fine...(READ MORE)

jdfalf 10/26/2020 3:33am

ProCluck77

fff...(READ MORE)

The Warrior13 9/30/2020 12:26pm

Luna R. W.

9/30/2020 I'm so happy to take this job I hope nothing blows up like last time!...(READ MORE)

The Mad-lad Potato 8/14/2020 10:52pm

Roberto Shelton, Jr.

Reality Generation Newsletter -- August Edition Thanks to @Captain Alea Downton and her top-notch crew of singing lasses of the air, reality generation devices were successfully deployed in the Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal, Miyazaki, Lyubertsy, Aastaurmond, Chauxhall, and Pastoria City areas. This created the the additional "ooomph" necessary to straighten out the kinks in the Great Trunk, and should keep things running smoothly in this generated reality for some time to come (or...(READ MORE)

Skyside 4/21/2020 3:26pm

Sarika

ill take the job, but only if you kill them too...(READ MORE)

Dragon's Tooth 12/22/2019 11:11pm

Clammy Hamsphere

I've been having trouble convincing my brothers three to get together to watch the new Mermaid Imperium. Back during the hard times, that show really brought us together. But now that we're all rich as kings it's like we've lost what's really important between us. We might all have housekeepers and AI powered bidets, but we've traded it for our humanity. I'm having trouble finding that station again anyway. Can't remember which of the 7,218,198 channels it was. It was some kind of public acc...(READ MORE)

The Rapture 12/1/2019 10:43am

that_name_isnt_taken

The Rapture left the continent of North America from Patrick’s AFB from Brevard County, Florida, USA, on Sunday, December 1st, 2019 at 1:27 PM EST. At 1:30 PM, several miles off shore, The Rapture activated an experimental device created by Terrazian Futuristics, called “THE WORLD,” causing Earth to appear to slow to almost a complete stop. In reality, The Rapture is going at extreme speeds. The Rapture exited “THE WORLD” at 1:32 PM EST off the coast of Guinea. The airship continued...(READ MORE)

Conquest 10/23/2018 11:57pm

Cara

Might be something with the transmission, but somethings going wrong. I don't think anything is getting through. If it is, I really need that job done, but it isn't showing up. I don't think the managers know that I'm kinda stuck. well, help if you can....(READ MORE)

Atlas 10/11/2018 11:39pm

Alex Marleybone

The Resurfacing has been accomplished with hardly a dent to the army. The Desert Arachni were admittedly reluctant to face defeat, and some good men had been lost to the gracious cause. Their deaths were not in vain, however. The breach into the ancient surface had been successful, despite the sacrifice of some beautiful ruins. When witnessing such destruction had reminded me of the previous memories of attending expeditions with my old crew mates, and how we planned months to reach here. Since...(READ MORE)

Ventura 7/23/2018 8:47pm

Olivia Diaz

It's so satisfying to have one's theories proven true. If only there was some way to share it with the people back home! And by home, of course, I mean Earth. We were prepared for this, and had been transmitting data back to HQ up till the very last minute. No doubt the last of it got a bit garbled in some interesting ways, but hopefully they'll find something useful in it. But the fact remains that our theories about the Brane were correct--that by reuniting it with its entangled partn...(READ MORE)

The Savage 5/31/2018 3:20pm

captain ryan

My ship is a savage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(READ MORE)

The Knight Snug 4/29/2018 5:26pm

Facewoods

Yo...(READ MORE)

The Holy Bibbizle 4/29/2018 2:32am

Grape Man Jones

God bless The Holy Bibbizle...(READ MORE)

Coney Island Baby 2/5/2018 8:10pm

Lou Grass

Welcome Aboard!...(READ MORE)

Claudette 2/3/2018 11:18pm

Melinda Artaud

Silver Springs Capital Management was thrilled to have our oversupply of R's, S's, and T's removed from circulation from Orbis Eruditi, but our books show that we still owe the Claudette for the removal. Our attempts at remittance to your Accounts Receivable have gone unanswered. Is there another way we should be paying you? We have 75 capital vowels of various denominations still awaiting your acceptance on our docks, and are ready to send them to any accredited grapheme logography of your choo...(READ MORE)

Viola Ventura 1/30/2018 1:28pm

Little Bo Johnson

Here at Viola Ventura we're capable of removing any kind of wreckage from any kind of place. Our ship is currently being refueled for the trip. We will arrive in 20 to 30 hours....(READ MORE)

USS Bizzle 1/25/2018 8:54am

Ronald Baldwin

Bizzle is here to run ish...(READ MORE)

Alis Gloriae 1/25/2018 4:53am

Veedle

Captain's Log: 1/25/18 Currently on our way to Oslo to receive repairs. All cargo-workers involved in the sandwich incident have been sacked. Have sent an official apology out. Veedle...(READ MORE)

Shining Machine 1/24/2018 8:18pm

Ricky VII

- .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- / ... --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .... . .-.. .--. / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- / .-. . .- ... --- -. / - --- / ..-. .-.. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. . ...- . .-. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / --- .... / ... - --- .--. / - .... . / -- --- ..- -. - .- .. -. ... / .- .-. . / .--- ..- ... - / ... --- / ...- . .-. -.-- /...(READ MORE)

The Chiron 1/22/2018 5:41am

Wind Ghosts

22/01 - Delivery successful, no major incidents to report. Cargo has been taken off ship by handlers. On our way back to home base...(READ MORE)

Nemesis 1/20/2018 2:47pm

Trix

This cat is wanted dead or alive, so that's how I'll deliver it!...(READ MORE)

Steel Aurora 1/19/2018 10:34am

Tate

the north koreans are getting a little upsetti at the lack of confetti i would have gotten the fuel by now but im duct taped to the bow........(READ MORE)

Night Pigeon 1/15/2018 5:09am

Dvorak Iahdl

Just accepted a job so I guess I’m taking flight....(READ MORE)

The Flying Captain 1/14/2018 6:23am

AyeAyeCaptain

Free confetti...(READ MORE)

Solstice 1/12/2018 12:38am

smollbeanboii

Finally loaded and leaving Thailand. The Solstice will be headed to New York where we have the most peculiar drop off instructions. Under any dumpster. What on earth could the buyer be doing that he has the free time to check under every dumpster in New York City. But who am I to argue?...(READ MORE)

Der Puce Wal 1/11/2018 3:10am

DeMarcus J. Tyree II

Der Puce Wal ist betriebsbereit und bessere Tage liegen vor uns! Capt. D.J Tyree II is ready and willing to transport any and all gadgets, thingamajigs, doodads, whatsits, and gizmos no matter how dangerous or bizarrely worded. However, under NO circumstance will the honorable captain be liable to transport gubbins or ROUS....(READ MORE)