ALL SHIPS' LOGS

Sphinx Nerif 4/2/2025 9:24pm

Megan Virago

DEAR CLIENT: Turns out the Sorrel Sea is a lot more interesting than it looks in the brochures. Sure, it's "featureless" -- like any sea -- and the weather's been exceedingly calm. Turquoise mornings, rosy sunsets, gentle swells stirred up by occasional great sea beasts breaching or schools of flying fish. Each night we fly over small archipelagos of bioluminescence. Headwinds have died off and we're making great time... though by our original projections we should have reached...(READ MORE)

E.L. Spence 3/31/2025 7:10pm

Jeri Jade

The butler had taken my company raincoat, and I was left standing in the greatroom, before the fire. It didn't warm me up, and rain dripped from my hair and from my briefcase onto the floor. "Ms. Jade?" came a woman's voice behind me. "Mrs. Vandenberg," I said, turning. I extended my hand and she looked at it. Looked at my hand, looked at my finger. Looked at the dot upon my finger. "I see you enjoy the dots, Mr. Jade..."...(READ MORE)

U.S.S. Lilybug 3/29/2025 10:32pm

Cetacea Jones

We've been mobbed by a herd of Sky Whales. Not aggressively mobbed, but corralled. They came up on us at feeding time, surrounded the blimp and then took off--as a group--with us inside them. The captain's tried reversing engines but the whales keep nudging us along. Captain's nervous, but if they meant to ram us, they could have easily taken us down hours ago. For me, it's a Aerocetological dream come true. I've got the microphones on subsonic and have been recording them the whole time. But wh...(READ MORE)

The Mephitis 3/27/2025 9:45pm

Captain Pirate IX

On top of the wonderful atmosphere, Chichen Itza has fine dining. "Don't worry, their vegan menu is fantastic," I told @Katz Spindle. "Are we dining, uh, alone?" Katz asked. "Oh, no, not at all, I don't think. Can't say I've met them yet," I said. Katz was still suspicious of all this. "You know," I said, "the limestone used to build Chichen Itza is over 60 million years old. That's like 800,000 lifetimes lived in a row. Or all the life...(READ MORE)

The Revelation 3/25/2025 10:46pm

Phoenix Quinn

"Aren't we supposed to be looking for @Logan Arthen?" Camy asked. We were running through the service tunnels at the aerodrome we'd discovered searching for the lost airman. Chasing a pair of strangers. "We looked!" said Campbell, panting. "Drones and all!" The drones were currently bashing around in Campbell's backpack. "And this the only aerodrome in the area," I said. "The only ANYTHING in the area. If he's not around here, we're out of o...(READ MORE)

The Crystal Skull 3/23/2025 8:36pm

Merlina the Magician

This, as you can see, is a map of the Madness Zone. Spiral of Infirmity, The Wild of Winds, Spitting Distance, The Distinctly Harrowing Hills, The Wandering Wastes, Chisholm's Standing, Fester Bridge, The Needles... But it's here, Reaper's Peak, that we're interested in. "Nobody's ever made it 'round Reaper's Peak" @Mandy Pigtail said. "Or done a touch and go landing on it," I said. "But there's a magician up there, and we need him picked up."...(READ MORE)

The Eolas Anatolijus 3/21/2025 10:42pm

Julie Cairo, Esq.

The Bubo was a wreck. "I'm sorry," I said. "The price I'd offered was for a fully certified, bonded, and licensed Heavy Lifter. That can fly." "She can do the Kessel run less than twelve parsecs..." said the captain. "What does that even mean?" I asked. "I'm not some tourist." "Zephyr Air Transport certified!" He brought out a dusty ream of papers. Admittedly, my options appeared to be limited. For a range fort there seem...(READ MORE)

Eyes Without A Face 3/19/2025 10:26pm

Grace Gearhorn

The Leeward Reaches. I'd never seen anything like it. Them. Whatever. Even through the murk--and at such a great distance--they shone through. Bioluminescence wasn't unique on our side of the Drain, but never at this scale. Great feathery arms of fuzzy green and purple, stretching across the entire murkstretch as we could see it from the viewport. "Triangulation says it's at least 7500 dripsecs, end to end," @Ensign Charmers said. "Weeeeeeeek!"...(READ MORE)

prixxi 3/17/2025 8:18pm

Juli Gallant

The captain of the prixxi was totally intimidating, but apparently my nails helped me through the interview. Not that I'm some kind of nail fanatic, but had had them done before my full-on assault to get hired. Just to give me courage. Apparently the technique of the Flibbergene nail techs back in my hometown is unique. Folkloric the captain called it. Never heard of Erroneous Nails but I guess it's what's on board. So, getting settled in. My bunkmate is @sara granger. She seems nice....(READ MORE)

Egregore 3/15/2025 9:33pm

Rose Nomenclature

"Mweeeeeeeeeeek!" Mweek wasn't exaggerating. At the first light of dawn, we'd exited a cloudbank and found ourselves smack in the middle of the dark armada we'd been trailing. "Mweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!" "I'm diving! I'm diving!" But we were no match for their snub gliders. They had us wrapped in their grapples before we had a chance....(READ MORE)

SMILEYS BASEMENT 3/13/2025 9:14pm

Cowmumble

Ohhhhh.... hee hee hee!...(READ MORE)

e 3/11/2025 9:28pm

Bretenda J

Box number 28 contains a Snorff Instrument. It's a polyhedral solid, but when you count the sides you always get a different number. Rapping on any side (with your hand or a mallet) produces a different and deeply resonant tone. Started playing with it and suddenly realized three hours had gone by....(READ MORE)

The Metataxi 3/9/2025 8:09pm

Reema White Antelope

"We're...beached, Captain." "Beached on an iceberg of solid darkness," I replied. "But, how did you know?" asked Ran Pleasing. "Captain's Sense," I replied. "It was too dark, too quiet. Too... dense. Damage report?" "Speaking tube reports coming through. Aside from some broken windows and bruised shins..." "Can we fly?" The engines revved. "We're lodged tight... on something." "Solid da...(READ MORE)

ol' big balloon 3/7/2025 9:03pm

Herbert Alamak

I'll be glad to finally get off this ball of chocolate dust. And that Bloomspice boy is lucky to have made it already. I guess if there's going to be a day for it, it might as well be today. And guess I don't care who else gets caught up in it. I warned 'em all to keep their distance, but really I think I'll be doin' 'em all a favor......(READ MORE)

SS Evergreen 3/5/2025 9:57pm

johnkeely

First, it's the harvesting of the elder worms. The worms treat their elders with great respect, setting aside the easiest earth for them to churn in their twilight years. The younger worms spend time churning this soil themselves, and creating areas where the elder worms can find the greatest ease. Recreation areas for them to lounge in and be served meals, televisions with The Price is Right and Let's Make a Deal and soaps. They have individual rooms for living out their final days, with beds...(READ MORE)

Razorcrest 3/3/2025 9:40pm

starfilly

turns out spider wasp metal + disco disco brite my lite is the heaviest super trance anybody's ever seen ever omg! we are packing in the spider wasps thorax to thorax with hymenoptera's name recognition and nik and rik and chik's new soft it's the biggest pompilidae phenom since the cambrian fest era. but even with all the gooey gooey accolades and press coverage it's too bad there isn't anything we can take away but rotting spider flesh and hypertoxins. even @Biran's finally getting the heebie...(READ MORE)

Zap Colonize Epilog 3/1/2025 11:53pm

Sister Elm

Day 33, tracking Tara and the Shizen Baton. "How are these Muckmen different, Little Sister Oak?" I asked. "They speak our tongue, Sister Elm. A poor version of it to be sure." "And what caused you to deviate our course to find them, Little Sister Oak?" I aksed. "It was their mudflute. It was calling." "You are a connoisseur of mudflute, Little Sister Oak?" I asked. "Did you not make one when you were young?" Little...(READ MORE)

The Sadie Hawkins 2/27/2025 10:55pm

Starry Skye

And there it was. The tiny box, all tied up with string and in very clear handwriting in black pen: THE SADIE HAWKINS. The box that contained the Hettie's chrysalis. "My friends asked me to acquire it for them. They're collectors." "They're poachers," I said. "When did you become an animal rights advocate?" "When did you become so ruthless?" I answered. "Excuse me, do we even know each other?" Cat asked. Though I was from...(READ MORE)

Steampunk to hell 2/25/2025 10:25pm

Luz Dunkel

"This isn't the Steampunk to Hell?" I asked. It was the only airship I knew the name of. "Oh my goodness," replied the captain. "This grand ship? I'd be offended if I felt you knew any better." Then she gave me a wink. She was quite the airship captain, sprawled in her captain's chair in her cape and goggles and tall leather boots. "The Shaken Mullet Top, at your service," she stood up and bowed gracefully. "And you can call me Rose."...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai 2/23/2025 10:58pm

Billy Sabab

"I feel like it really should be me," I said. "No way," said Shimpan Eva. "This is classic red shirt material." "What?" I asked. "Ensign Marvelous?" Eva asked through the speaking tube. "Is your team ready to repel boarders?" "Aye aye 'mam!" Ensign Marvelous called back. "Through the hatch now, Ensign!" "Aye aaaiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee oh my god oh my god oh my god!" "What's going on...(READ MORE)

The Sightline 2/21/2025 11:03pm

Rigs Drench

If you wanted to buy four dimensional office supplies in the 2070s, you had to order it, and wait, and wait, and wait until somebody opened the box and found out if they were in there or not. Up until that moment they were both in there and not in there, until they were observed. I realized that businesses had a need for four dimensional office supplies that I could fulfill, if I had merchandise that had been observed by observers and was proven to be in the boxes. A brilliant idea was born. So...(READ MORE)

agro 2/19/2025 1:25pm

Mandy Maple

I was always sweet on that Sour Pineapple. He might come off a bit moody at first, but he's got a heat of gold. Which makes it even harder to have to pull this on him. Why did he have to end up at the 8063? Now, of all times....(READ MORE)

No Questions Asked 2/17/2025 10:30pm

S. Glenn

"John?" Becky said. That was my alias back then. What were the odds? It's a big OLS, but an even bigger galaxy. And it was a long ways from here. Becky stared at me for a long time. Then she took a swing at me. "You bastard! I will never, ever forgive you!" She got on the vacuum train I'd just stepped out of. The doors whooshed shut and she was off....(READ MORE)

base 1 2/15/2025 11:56pm

Ms. Krause

"Oh no, I'm sorry," I say. "I'm afraid we can't do anything with that." "You mean... it's ruined?" "Yes. There's no taking that stain out. You're better off just finding a new jacket," I say. The customer leaves. A little put out. It was an obvious plant. We're not here to be taken advantage like that. "Mom?! Dad?!" I holler. "It was another one of THOSE. How do we keep getting them? I think somebody's trying to hack us."...(READ MORE)

The Hartlepool 2/13/2025 11:57pm

Gray Jenni Fields

I just hit 100k followers with my Cybernetic War Monkey videos! Thanks so much to everybody for all the likes and shares. But sometimes I worry people are following me for the wrong reasons. Like, for instance, when it's a cybernetic war monkey attack on a bank or a convoy of banana trucks, those get like 10x more likes and shares. Especially if they're using their laser guided flechettes or some other fancy weaponry. On the other hand, when I do a "price of war" video, or inter...(READ MORE)

Stratospheric Aerodrome Renoire 2/11/2025 11:44pm

Zephyr Ambulance LTD

The Harbormaster's office had a commanding view of the massive dirigible bay. Not as impressive as from the control tower, but gave you a comprehensive look at the fleet of airships docked at any given time. But the bay was empty. We shuffled through the Harbormaster's desk, looking for last minute logs, dictaphone cassettes, patient records on clipboards. Any record of what might have happened. The walls of the office were decorated with ship's wheels and antique surgical equipment. And it s...(READ MORE)

Zeppelin Zoologica 2/9/2025 11:43pm

THE IMPOSSIMEN

DIDEL: Are you getting visuals, Grinni? GRINNI: Loud and clear, Captain. Looks like quite a spread. You just keep those groovy Lennon glasses on your snout and I can see everything that you can. MARMIE: Hush, they're coming. DOOR opens and a tall RABBIT in a bathrobe and slippers, drink in one hand a cigarette in the other sways behind it. RABBIT calls back into the party, giggling: Anybody invite a pair of Possums? DIDEL: Hey, man, how's it hangin? We're just a couple of talent s...(READ MORE)

Spatuloso 2/7/2025 11:42pm

Soap Lotus

With @Carolinaeuphrosyne chatting up @Nim Blanksy, I thought @Lasso Pout and I might have a moment to make our exit. I dropped my mooring ropes and gave ol' Lasso a wink. "I can't leave my cowpokes," Lasso whispered back. "Or those time travelers!" Leroy, Burt, Scarred Lil, Jimmy the Put Up, Little Gnarls, and PJ, were in it too. Though the residents of Paradise--all armed and guns drawn--might be distracted for a moment, blimps like us can't exactly zoom off at high ac...(READ MORE)

Moonbeam 2/5/2025 11:30pm

Spaz Skunk

"Bijan has the Moonbeam free," called Bridget the Boar. Just in time, too, as the last of the outcrops of the rocky island slipped beneath the waves. "Any sign of @Harry Otter or the Big Bulldog?" I asked. "Hard to tell with all this churn," Bridget replied. "Lots of debris." "All eyes in the water. And ready the nets to scoop up the rats!" "Awooooooo!" cried Howlin' Wolf from the crow's nest....(READ MORE)

The Redmane 2/3/2025 11:09pm

Kendall Warren

"So..." said captain @Ace Boeman. "What exactly were we supposed to do with this reindeer kidney?" The Land of Salty Silver Fruits shimmered all around us. The sky danced with northern lights, and the silver fruits tinkled in the trees in all directions. The captain clutched the Watoobian reindeer kidney, still wrapped in cheesecloth, like a burrito. "And no, I'm not going to eat it," said the captain. Truth be told, I wasn't myself sure what to do with the...(READ MORE)

The Nimble Shroud 2/1/2025 11:54pm

Lt. Denkt

It didn't make sense to try and bring the goats along. While they had been fellow airshipmen, their caprine tendencies had made them unpredictable. "Baaaaaaaa," said Captain @katelynn. "What is she doing here?" I asked. "Mighty unpredictable," said Khlebnikov. "Hard to control," said Dranitsyn. We were working our way down the beach, back towards the port. Far easier than the untrackable jungle, but it did leave us somewhat exposed. "...(READ MORE)

The FV GlobeRoamer 1/30/2025 11:39pm

Laura Arual

I received a package today on my front porch (the contents of which must remain secret) with the explicit instructions to send the package to a certain laboratory in Austria which must arrive at the laboratory before a certain date -- otherwise I will not have received the package and the consequences will be serious. I am planning to take the package to the post office tomorrow....(READ MORE)

USS Imperative 1/28/2025 10:05pm

Fritzi Zwicki

"Yes I've had an irrational Mezmo event." "Oh, so you'd like to volunteer for Mr. Pausa's campaign?" asked the woman at the campaign office. "Well, I'm not sure I have the time for that," I said. "But Zephyr Tech won't recognize my hyperspatial accident because of an irrational vector." "I see! Well, would you allow the campaign to use your story in our promotional materials in exchange for recognition of your Mezmo event, and its irrational...(READ MORE)

Ay Queen Fir 1/26/2025 10:18pm

Ferus Equid

Well glad to finally get me own ship up in the air. The engines are humming in tune, and not a leak to be found in any of the balloons. But it takes more than one ornery horse to drive an airship. What was I thinkin? Drove the Ay Queen Fir right off the lot all by meself! Mayday! Mayday!...(READ MORE)

The Unfamiliar Cabbage 1/24/2025 11:52pm

Ma Brines

NEED. MORE. FOOD. Oh, excuse me? I was just feeling peckish again, I've been so hungry lately, Can't seem to think of... anything else... Anyway, out here on the Western Rim, there ain't much to do. So we're hungry for any news or new information. Anything we hear about is sure to be the talk of the town! And there really hasn't been much talk about anything lately. How can we get people thinking about the big thoughts again? The kinda things that are important back in the Central Cluster?...(READ MORE)

Minecraft is the best 1/22/2025 11:57pm

Roberto Shelton

"You all be sure to come back now!" Mrs. Wegner said. "What did you say your names were?" Puppy Grande said something completely incomprehensible and waved back as we walked away. "Mmmarrmar Woooodenma!" "Oh... what?" Mrs, Wegner called after us. Puppy waved back again and hurried up the pace. "She wouldn't remember anyway," she said. The item we'd purchased was in paper sack with a handle. It was heavy, as well as beat up. Pupp...(READ MORE)

WonderFly9000 1/20/2025 10:59pm

Milt McGee

Tom was sore on account of his fall down the ice stairs. "I know we're supposed to land on our feet, but ice is unfair," he mewled. He was sore about other stuff too. "So wait a minute. You sold the milk to, well, I don't even wanna say it..." "We're probably better off if you don't, Tom. And it was more like a trade." We were headed deeper into the tunnels beneath this particular Horrendous Peak of Underland. We had flashlights. "And now her...(READ MORE)

Microwave Explosion 1/18/2025 10:48pm

Queen of the Hudson

This close to Albuquerque, I really didn't know why we couldn't get a room. "Maybe splurge?" I asked. "Hush!" barked Black Hermione from inside her sack. "And get me out of this sack!" We'd set the Microwave Explosion down in the shadow of one of the volcanoes. The one in the middle. Each one wasn't much more than a bluff. Larry had the wooden head of Black Hermione in a gunnysack as we hiked up to the top. Larry stopped and I pulled out the head so as...(READ MORE)

The Flying Comrade 1/16/2025 11:14pm

Ben Tater

"Commence download," said the Parsnip. The young boy who had just unfolded into a mass of wires and ribbon-like cables and processing units started gurgling in a high pitched whine. "Our canary in a coal mine," the Parsnip continued. "Couldn't risk sending you down again. Not in your condition. Needed a probe." "But..." I wondered. "How did you send him? Er, it? How could you predict the appearance of the little green man?" "We c...(READ MORE)

the merchant's coop 1/14/2025 11:44pm

Hedley Whitmire

Ok I am having this giant monkey statue grow on me. While it not so much curries my nerves it is being quite handy moving things around the house. When I am not looking. Sometimes when I wake up I find it in my room looking at me....(READ MORE)

The Useless Precaution 1/12/2025 11:24pm

Count Almaviva

Le persone scimmia erano veloci di piedi e mani, dondolandosi da un ramo all'altro e strillando e saltando e facendo i loro schiocchi. "Non riusciremo mai a tenere il passo con questi salti!" gridai esasperato. Le persone scimmia erano già molto più avanti tra le infinite cime degli alberi. Minerva DePlume e Benefico Sal erano anche loro esauste, sedute su un ramo d'albero e riprendevano fiato. L'uomo scimmia sedeva sul ramo d'albero con noi. Era più vecchio delle altre scimmi...(READ MORE)

Nixxi 1/10/2025 11:46pm

Humbert

The President of the Clowns chomped on his cigar. "You got a lotta noive walking in here like dat. Dem buttons is sacred. Only the funniest of the clowns gets to wear dose. You think you're funny, eh? You think you're the funniest clown?" The president picked up a big metal seltzer bottle from his desk and held it menacingly. "Maybe this will make me laugh, ya think? YA THINK??" "Really, I'm just here to deliver the buttons. I meant no harm. There was an acci...(READ MORE)

HMS Dunwall 1/8/2025 10:28pm

Karl Uwe

Excuse me? Hi, uh, that's my name there, on that name tag, right in front of that handsome little cat statuette. May I? I've never really been to one of these before. Queen's birthday jubilee that is. Awards dinners, sure. Boooo-ring, amirite? I did think I'd get a better seat. But I guess we should be able to see her Highness, way down there at the head of the table. I own the company that cleans her majesty's pools. At the palace. So, you know, a show of appreciation. We do give the...(READ MORE)

bonerabbit 1/6/2025 11:52pm

Oliver Whitehead III

"Well, plenty of parking! Dock up there, right in front." A pair of tumbleweeds rolled across the tarmac. "It's abandoned," said my aide-de-camp. "There's nobody here." "Nonsense! They're just in hiding. They haven't seen a Celestial President in years. Likely frightening the bejeesus out of them, even in the Bonerabbit." My aide-de-camp looked unconvinced. "We'll take just a small squad. Four bullies in battle armor, but the rest of u...(READ MORE)

Liberate Tuteme 1/4/2025 10:30pm

Shipman Eva

The Zaratan is an ancient creature. And potentially the last of its kind. "My name...?" it ponders. "It has been a very long time since I have had need of it... Need for words of any kind..." It remembers the shape of its mother, floating on the surface. "I knew she had died," the Zaratan said. "She prepared me for that." By that time, the Zaratan were already largely extinct. "I've never seen another," the Zaratan said. "But...(READ MORE)

Albion 1/2/2025 11:32pm

The Dollbomination

MAAAA-MAAAAAA! MAAAAAAA-MAAAAAAAA!...(READ MORE)

DENZIRO IX 12/31/2024 11:37pm

Jims Piedmont

There were a lot of rough years as the entire ecosystem was taken over by Stimulating Werejourney, Shake-on Ranch, Fully Clothed Little Helpers, Baby Jeans, AND MORE. A lot of folks didn't make it. But we learned to get along. Of course it didn't happen over night. The invasive plants had an entirely alien chemical structure--phytonutrients humans weren't designed to digest. There was a lot of trial and error in terms of learning how to cook them, but also with the adaptive genetic therapi...(READ MORE)

TSFTB Ship #12 12/29/2024 11:20pm

Terri the Wormhole

How they expect me to stay put in this 6' 7'' titanium cube I'll never know. I mean, sure, it's comfortable. There's a chill couch, and a big screen, and a wet bar and a workout room and bathroom with a shower, but once in awhile I just gotta GET OUT if you know what I mean. Of course, I can always go "within."...(READ MORE)

Denali XV 12/27/2024 9:47pm

Loretta Max

You can check the archive logs for the run-of-the-mill pickup and dropoff jobs I've been having, but this time I've really got something of note--prize laying "chickens" on their way to the Omaha Mutation Invitational. Got their own staff of attendants to help out with the trip, which means no chicken-shit shoveling for me. And these monsters look like they can really put out a lot. Half the weight is just their bio-engineered feed, then some pounds for their staff. Big paycheck and I...(READ MORE)

Invictus 12/25/2024 10:09pm

Laroop the Ninth

In the Lower Hyperplasmodic Observation Chamber, my fellow Lattice Sisters swarm. "They make the droplets!" "They are dripping up!" "They are growing their droplets," Sister the Seventh cooed. "Hush," said Sister One. "Their worlds become gravid. Let us watch their droplets grow. For now."...(READ MORE)

Thot Slayer 12/23/2024 9:48pm

Slobodkina

"Well this certainly makes things easier," shouted the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl as we were tossed around the bridge. "What's happening?!!" "Caught in its magnetic field. Really more like an automated guidance system. We would have a had a heck of a time inserting on our own." The Thot Slayer began to heave and turn nose down. "This is why we strap in!" the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl said. "And don't worry about the twins....(READ MORE)

Berrysoul 12/21/2024 11:23pm

Drew Pman

"Sistern! The Giant Catchers are here!" "And not a moment too soon. Show them in." The door to the girl's bathroom remains shut, but the tiny knocks and banging persist. "Doorknob's too high for 'em to reach," says the giant catching technician. "Oh! My, you snuck up on me." "Being stealthy's part of the job, mamm. Is the infestation limited to this one location? Do you know how many?" "Yes, just this restroom. There are...(READ MORE)

Murder of Crows 12/19/2024 10:33pm

Bethel Ways

You get into a groove, climbing the 20 trees for @Master Willi. They've gotta be tall trees. Which is most of the trees in the forest around Sugar Pine Temple. There's no time limit on how long you can take to climb the 20 trees, but you have do them all together, one after another, and you don't want to be late for dinner or other duties because then you get in trouble for that. So you start up the first tree and just keep on going. After a few, they all get to looking like the same...(READ MORE)

Maryellen-Carter 12/17/2024 11:22pm

Philidippus Regius

"Uh, Phil? I'm starting to slip!" "Hold on Spartaeina! Take a deep breath and settle your setule" "Ah. There. Praise van der Waals." "Praise van der Waals. Now, just a few more shots and we can slip back out of here the way we came." "That's really their queen? It looks more like... a factory. All smokestacks and ooze." "Well that's what they've turned her into. Filthy eusocialists." "Nobody'd believe it without t...(READ MORE)

Apollo 12/15/2024 11:40pm

Budgie Pete

"SQUAWK! Mr. President! Hold it together!" I give him a bite on the finger. That gets his attention. "The Angels... You said they'd respond to my voice... The voice of the president..." We'd been looking at the news footage too long. The President was losing it. "SQUAWK! Angels angry! Angels need friend. SQUAWK!!" "A... friend?" The President turns to me in a daze. "Nice voices! Kindly friends! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! Emma and Isabell. Nice...(READ MORE)

The Celestial Voyager 12/13/2024 11:42pm

Fray Equine

"I'm sorry sir, but it looks like the warranty expired last month." "You're kidding me. What, are they just built to hold together until the warranty kicks in?" "Did you purchase our extended service plan? For big purchases, we always suggest..." "No I didn't purchase the service plan. But this just seems like too much of a coincidence." "Have you been performing the regular maintenance, sir?" "I'm supposed to perform maintena...(READ MORE)

Araceli 12/11/2024 3:52pm

Jimmy Three-hands

It's true ol' Jimmy Three-hands told a fib. And maybe Great Mama Two-hands could smell it, since Great Mama Two-hands has her two great big noses. And don't get me wrong -- everybody loves those noses! But it is too much to be too long anywhere. Jimmy Three-hands is a rambler, and comes a time when even Great Mama Two-hands rambles on a bit too much. So there I was, ramblin' on in the Araceli, taking a look at the comic-book pages she was plastered together with, and dang it if it didn't appe...(READ MORE)

Mórbido do brejo 12/3/2024 4:56pm

Sapin

olha, eu sou boa nos serviço, nunca quebrei nada, so responsavel, gosto de sorvete, e moro no acre...(READ MORE)

Toxic Shipping #4583 11/1/2024 11:35pm

Little Matty

Boy am I glad to get out of Compound #8295. Sure, they seemed quite fond of me, but I figure this body's grown back as much as it's going to, and I gotta get out and see the world! I feel like a whole new guy, frankly. So I got ol' #4583 back into working order and I'm off to make my way in this great big toxic world. So long, toxic chumps!...(READ MORE)

The Bloody Death 5/8/2024 11:34am

Jonathan

I need money...(READ MORE)

Exordium & Terminus 1/21/2024 8:49am

Aelia

I accept the job offered......(READ MORE)

The Imaginary Potato 12/12/2023 8:49pm

Iliketrains.wheee

I like potatoes. Do I potatoes?...(READ MORE)

Government housing 12/4/2023 11:36am

Government housing

I take the job HEHEHE...(READ MORE)

404 not found 11/27/2023 2:43pm

huifdjhgbveghy

the crez hqs unfortunqtley been cursed to groz ,ustqches qfter the che,icqls got ,ixed qound: unfortuqnley ,y keyboqrd is still cursed; so nobody cqn reqd this:...(READ MORE)

SS. Simpson 11/13/2023 2:04pm

Dies Vitae

I hired 6 crew members, and the wild rock has eaten them all! Ships, please help! We are stranded at Bubblegum Island, full of deadly bunnies who will stop at nothing to eat you, quicksand/bubblegum, and a giant Bubblegum volcano that is due to erupt any minute now!...(READ MORE)

mondgilde 10/17/2023 11:40am

m00nglad3

...(READ MORE)

the Omega project 8/1/2023 9:54pm

Pinstripe

What is it like to be a pinstripe and lose your stripes? To be a jacket, deconstructed? What lies within, indeed? Mrs. Krause was kind as she clipped away the remnants and tatters of my old life. How did we finally locate The Great Dry Cleaners? How did we even make it from @smiley's warehouse to this fortunate ship? It's all a blur of traveling jacket hibernation and trans-pattern drift, aided perhaps by the consciousness expanding powers of nano-flavonids. If only @Houndstooth were here...(READ MORE)

spes 6/7/2023 3:07am

fugemo

?...(READ MORE)

Zephyrus 5/27/2023 11:12am

June

Hi, I have two people available to get these gears for you. Would that be enough? Precautions are a good thing to take....(READ MORE)

USA 4/14/2023 10:24am

NoOne

I picked up the specified object and dropped it off at the following location: 46°14′06″N 06°02′42″E, 2010...(READ MORE)

smiley's warehouse 2/12/2023 10:10pm

Herrringbone

At @Seersucker's request, I went in search of a janitorial station, looking for stain remover. After having no luck in a certain broom and mop closet I noticed one of the ceiling tiles ajar and decided to poke my (borrowed) head in to take a look. Naturally it was quite dark and I couldn't see anything but hints of a framework of metal supports, extending into the darkness like a wild jungle gym at night. But the breeze was fresh and there was a sense of space and openness, and I began to climb....(READ MORE)

SS.youhaveashrimpy 2/6/2023 2:37pm

rae

russia...(READ MORE)

Trade Federation 1/30/2023 9:18am

1233asas

yes...(READ MORE)

hindenburg 12/14/2022 10:26am

John doe

We set sail for america!...(READ MORE)

Battle Sub 10/11/2022 11:28am

mystery

day one lets see how this goes...(READ MORE)

-.-. --- .-. .--. --- .-. .- - .. --- -. ... / -.. 8/26/2022 8:40am

hmmm

This is my first job & I screw this up it's 'cause I did NOT get ANY training. Also yea, I accept it....(READ MORE)

Deadman's Last Ride 6/8/2022 6:15pm

Enfer

lost... again... who would have guessed it... we need a job, and one soon... we'll take anything at this point... crew's getting restless and annoyed... this is an... odd... situation......(READ MORE)

The Atlantic Sway 5/15/2022 11:04pm

Dr. Erwin Strand

Subject W114b** Breakthrough Intelligence Sequence Investigation  The aquatic mammal registered as @Northern Right Whale has consistently shown ULTRA MK level mastery of an increasingly sophisticated semiotic result chain and implementations. Graduation to operation Mama Goose has been approved.  The first airship specially scaled for large Earth whales has recently been completed. It is large enough to support a crew of 12 large Earth whales in its aquatic habitat. This “aquarium of...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai in a tragically Sad America 5/13/2022 1:04pm

MayteeV

’Ello Maytee! I think I moight be able to help ye with the job, provided I shall be provided with coinage. As you can see, me sweet lady ship goes all the wae from the New World to the easter asian islands, and Me just so happens to be stationed about lil ol Koloszvar. The eye contact thengye won’t pose a roblem, as I robbed meself of sight in order to look kool while rocking the double eye patches. Anywaes, If ye wanna contact me, ye shall send a pigeon up in the sky, with a message and...(READ MORE)

S S Rosemary 5/12/2022 9:20am

Captain M Wood

Fellow Transporters! We at the S S Rosemary are officially taking our first job! We will be delivering black holes in canning jars for our client Chyppe Sol. Our port will be Tamkar-7 in Andromeda, which is a bit out of the way, so we understand if no-one wants to meet us there. Despite the assurances of the job posting, we will be spending a day black hole proofing our ship and ourselves, and we should be able to deliver in 2 earth days. SIgning off Capt M Wood...(READ MORE)

Non Sum Qualis Eram 5/1/2022 11:29pm

Asphodel Meadows

Dear Captain, I am leaving this note pinned to the hatch of the Non Sum Qualis Eram in hopes that you and your crew will discover it upon returning from lunch. I find the canteen at this particular aerodrome to be exceptional, as you no doubt discovered if you ordered their speciality -- grilled cheese and tomato soup! Even if you are not a tomato soup fan I believe you will find it utterly irresistible. I frequently come to this particular aerodrome to judge the measure of the various sh...(READ MORE)

Wait what do I put here? 2/26/2022 2:06am

Shelale M.

Im just an amateur, please be nice to me captain TvT...(READ MORE)

Voyager 7/9/2021 4:49pm

max

hi...(READ MORE)

sus 6/16/2021 1:51pm

pink

sus among us best yes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeep rubux robux robux yes yes ye s yeysss death...(READ MORE)

Golden Stone 3/15/2021 7:26pm

Dirac Fermion

Hey has anybody seen my antiparticle? And let me give you a hint it's not my sister Majorana. Anybody can tell she's her OWN antiparticle. She thinks everything is always about her. She's so high energy. AND maintenance. It's ME who has to worry about my antiparticle showing up at any minute, poofing me out of existence. It's why I stowed away here on the Golden Stone. My antiparticle would NEVER think of looking for me h-----...(READ MORE)

Fart Squad 1/7/2021 5:51pm

StinkyFart

i fart, it stink, ow stinky hlep.,...(READ MORE)

04 12/14/2020 8:54pm

Officer Fresno

Hullo? tap tap tap Anybody home? Sorry I'm late. There was a paperwork mixup down at the station. Anyway, we had a report of some suspicious activity so we're just following up. Anybody? tap tap tap...(READ MORE)

St. Ableberry 11/22/2020 2:30pm

Pantha Abelberry

It's no problem! I can speak draconic, so the dragons will probably understand! I'll get right to it!...(READ MORE)

Battle Bus 11/18/2020 10:53pm

Pomme Contrebandier

C'est ainsi qu'a commencé notre plus belle vie à l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A. J'ai trouvé que mon partenaire commercial était un homme changé. L'air frais et l'exercice lui ont fait du bien, sans parler du soleil, que sa peau blanche et pâteuse avait rarement ou jamais vue auparavant. Cela, associé au pain surnaturellement nutritif de l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A, a donné à mon partenaire autrefois paresseux et obséquieux une nouvelle résilience. Maintenant qu'il a part...(READ MORE)

USS Enterprise 11/16/2020 11:04am

Captain Squirrel Esq

Land, ho! And a yo-ho-ho to you, which is just one yo- away form Santa, with all the Jollyness it brings! We are hereby most honoured to undertake this brave venture, and hand over these here Ancient Shortbreads even more Ancient to the recipient, in five years time! It shall certainly add to the value of the vintage. In the meantime, we shall boldly skedaddle, where no man has skedaddled off to before!...(READ MORE)

Gamer 11/3/2020 9:34am

Brap

This job be so fine...(READ MORE)

jdfalf 10/26/2020 3:33am

ProCluck77

fff...(READ MORE)

The Warrior13 9/30/2020 12:26pm

Luna R. W.

9/30/2020 I'm so happy to take this job I hope nothing blows up like last time!...(READ MORE)

The Mad-lad Potato 8/14/2020 10:52pm

Roberto Shelton, Jr.

Reality Generation Newsletter -- August Edition Thanks to @Captain Alea Downton and her top-notch crew of singing lasses of the air, reality generation devices were successfully deployed in the Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal, Miyazaki, Lyubertsy, Aastaurmond, Chauxhall, and Pastoria City areas. This created the the additional "ooomph" necessary to straighten out the kinks in the Great Trunk, and should keep things running smoothly in this generated reality for some time to come (or...(READ MORE)

Skyside 4/21/2020 3:26pm

Sarika

ill take the job, but only if you kill them too...(READ MORE)

Dragon's Tooth 12/22/2019 11:11pm

Clammy Hamsphere

I've been having trouble convincing my brothers three to get together to watch the new Mermaid Imperium. Back during the hard times, that show really brought us together. But now that we're all rich as kings it's like we've lost what's really important between us. We might all have housekeepers and AI powered bidets, but we've traded it for our humanity. I'm having trouble finding that station again anyway. Can't remember which of the 7,218,198 channels it was. It was some kind of public acc...(READ MORE)

The Rapture 12/1/2019 10:43am

that_name_isnt_taken

The Rapture left the continent of North America from Patrick’s AFB from Brevard County, Florida, USA, on Sunday, December 1st, 2019 at 1:27 PM EST. At 1:30 PM, several miles off shore, The Rapture activated an experimental device created by Terrazian Futuristics, called “THE WORLD,” causing Earth to appear to slow to almost a complete stop. In reality, The Rapture is going at extreme speeds. The Rapture exited “THE WORLD” at 1:32 PM EST off the coast of Guinea. The airship continued...(READ MORE)

Conquest 10/23/2018 11:57pm

Cara

Might be something with the transmission, but somethings going wrong. I don't think anything is getting through. If it is, I really need that job done, but it isn't showing up. I don't think the managers know that I'm kinda stuck. well, help if you can....(READ MORE)

Atlas 10/11/2018 11:39pm

Alex Marleybone

The Resurfacing has been accomplished with hardly a dent to the army. The Desert Arachni were admittedly reluctant to face defeat, and some good men had been lost to the gracious cause. Their deaths were not in vain, however. The breach into the ancient surface had been successful, despite the sacrifice of some beautiful ruins. When witnessing such destruction had reminded me of the previous memories of attending expeditions with my old crew mates, and how we planned months to reach here. Since...(READ MORE)

Ventura 7/23/2018 8:47pm

Olivia Diaz

It's so satisfying to have one's theories proven true. If only there was some way to share it with the people back home! And by home, of course, I mean Earth. We were prepared for this, and had been transmitting data back to HQ up till the very last minute. No doubt the last of it got a bit garbled in some interesting ways, but hopefully they'll find something useful in it. But the fact remains that our theories about the Brane were correct--that by reuniting it with its entangled partn...(READ MORE)

The Savage 5/31/2018 3:20pm

captain ryan

My ship is a savage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(READ MORE)

The Knight Snug 4/29/2018 5:26pm

Facewoods

Yo...(READ MORE)

The Holy Bibbizle 4/29/2018 2:32am

Grape Man Jones

God bless The Holy Bibbizle...(READ MORE)

Coney Island Baby 2/5/2018 8:10pm

Lou Grass

Welcome Aboard!...(READ MORE)

Claudette 2/3/2018 11:18pm

Melinda Artaud

Silver Springs Capital Management was thrilled to have our oversupply of R's, S's, and T's removed from circulation from Orbis Eruditi, but our books show that we still owe the Claudette for the removal. Our attempts at remittance to your Accounts Receivable have gone unanswered. Is there another way we should be paying you? We have 75 capital vowels of various denominations still awaiting your acceptance on our docks, and are ready to send them to any accredited grapheme logography of your choo...(READ MORE)

Viola Ventura 1/30/2018 1:28pm

Little Bo Johnson

Here at Viola Ventura we're capable of removing any kind of wreckage from any kind of place. Our ship is currently being refueled for the trip. We will arrive in 20 to 30 hours....(READ MORE)

USS Bizzle 1/25/2018 8:54am

Ronald Baldwin

Bizzle is here to run ish...(READ MORE)

Alis Gloriae 1/25/2018 4:53am

Veedle

Captain's Log: 1/25/18 Currently on our way to Oslo to receive repairs. All cargo-workers involved in the sandwich incident have been sacked. Have sent an official apology out. Veedle...(READ MORE)

Shining Machine 1/24/2018 8:18pm

Ricky VII

- .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- / ... --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .... . .-.. .--. / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- / .-. . .- ... --- -. / - --- / ..-. .-.. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. . ...- . .-. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / --- .... / ... - --- .--. / - .... . / -- --- ..- -. - .- .. -. ... / .- .-. . / .--- ..- ... - / ... --- / ...- . .-. -.-- /...(READ MORE)

The Chiron 1/22/2018 5:41am

Wind Ghosts

22/01 - Delivery successful, no major incidents to report. Cargo has been taken off ship by handlers. On our way back to home base...(READ MORE)

Nemesis 1/20/2018 2:47pm

Trix

This cat is wanted dead or alive, so that's how I'll deliver it!...(READ MORE)

Steel Aurora 1/19/2018 10:34am

Tate

the north koreans are getting a little upsetti at the lack of confetti i would have gotten the fuel by now but im duct taped to the bow........(READ MORE)

Night Pigeon 1/15/2018 5:09am

Dvorak Iahdl

Just accepted a job so I guess I’m taking flight....(READ MORE)

The Flying Captain 1/14/2018 6:23am

AyeAyeCaptain

Free confetti...(READ MORE)

Solstice 1/12/2018 12:38am

smollbeanboii

Finally loaded and leaving Thailand. The Solstice will be headed to New York where we have the most peculiar drop off instructions. Under any dumpster. What on earth could the buyer be doing that he has the free time to check under every dumpster in New York City. But who am I to argue?...(READ MORE)

Der Puce Wal 1/11/2018 3:10am

DeMarcus J. Tyree II

Der Puce Wal ist betriebsbereit und bessere Tage liegen vor uns! Capt. D.J Tyree II is ready and willing to transport any and all gadgets, thingamajigs, doodads, whatsits, and gizmos no matter how dangerous or bizarrely worded. However, under NO circumstance will the honorable captain be liable to transport gubbins or ROUS....(READ MORE)