The Mephitis

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Captain Pirate II 3/12/2019 8:30pm

Ow! @choco loni--no throwing things on the bridge!

Especially at the Captain.

What's everybody staring at? Man your stations! Status report!

Set sail for Chichen Itza. I've always wanted to visit, and I hear it's beautiful this time of year.

choco loni 2/9/2019 5:34pm

this is my memory stick. it’s clear now, see-through like everything else. or reflective of everything else. same images of everything reflecting off everything else, with nothing to reflect but the reflections. there’s still something being reflected—contours, outlines, oily shapes along the crinkle of infinite telescopy...

which is why the memory stick seemed like the perfect weapon. see-through as it is, its size and shape is clear in my hand, and i know what ammunition it holds. will the memories be see-through too? how could they be? i see them in my mind’s eye now, clear as day, full color like any picture in a phone. you can see your memories, right?

so i raise the memory stick to whack the captain in the head, drawing back my arm, when i sense the intruder out of the corner of my eye. i whip the stick across the room, perfectly aimed to richochet against the far wall of the bridge and crack against the head of whatever it is that’s creeping in....

Doctor Argosa 1/8/2019 11:08pm

While we have all now become the Mirror People, we are still ourselves on the inside. This leads me to believe that the situation may still be reversible.

The skin of the crew started to turn shiny in patches. The Captain was becoming calmer, and less manic, but I knew it was likely just the Droste Fever taking him to a fugue state.

Soon crew members' entire bodies were coated with the shimmery, silver coating... faceless reflective mannequins. This doctor included. Clothes melted away, while all surfaces of the ship became mirrored as well.

Somehow we still know where each other stand, and where our stations are, and we go about our business, reflecting those around us, reflecting our environments, with no distinguishing marks but the curve of a shoulder, or an over stuffed couch.

Outside the ship, clouds too have become mirror, as well as the earth, and the sea, and the sun.

And what does the world reflect, when the world itself is nothing but the reflections of reflections?

Captain Pirate 12/7/2018 10:11pm

"Oh, hello me!"

"Hello you. How are we doing?"

"Well, we're just fine. Thanks for asking."

"Wait, are you you and me me?"

"Apparently so, since we're talking to each other."

"Oh come on. Haven't you ever heard of internal monologue?"

"It steals the soul. Like a mirror."

"Now you're talking."

"That's you!"

Choco Loni 10/31/2018 9:14pm

the impossible gun. not really my favorite, because by its very nature it is anti-skill. you pick it up, take aim in the general direction of the target, pull the trigger, and something entirely impossible pops into existence. an elephant riding a unicycle. a small bird who is a lawyer. a worm orchestra that plays "in the hall of the mountain king." why are mine always animal based? the other thing i don't trust about it is that i always figure well those things aren't really "impossible" if they occurred in the right universe. maybe that's why my projectiles always puff away in a cloud of smoke.

the doctor has had me firing at the captain constantly.

Doctor Argosa 9/27/2018 8:22pm

Doctor's Log: The Captain has lost half his mind. It's my diagnosis that he contracted a mise en abyme virus at Chichen Itza, which is now consuming a full 50% of his Mind Cycles. Yes--he's got the Droste Fever.

For now, it's had a net positive effect on the ship and crew--there's been a notable reduction in both the frequency and amplitude of our reality changes. However, if untreated, his entire mind will be consumed and we'll all find ourselves lost in the Captain's personal hall of mirrors, forever. Our only hope is to infuse what remains of the Captain's mind with irreproducible concepts, which will be inedible to the virus and ultimately lessen its impact, or hopefully drive it away entirely.

I've sent the crew to seek out these unicorns, these fantastical ideas, and return with them as soon as possible.

choco loni 8/26/2018 9:36pm

snapping gum, the joy buzzer, the concussive whoopee cushion, snake in a can, shock pen, squirt flower, seltzer bottle, the pies... i'm glad the clown wars are finally over. i keep them in a special compartment of my infinite armory bag, along with all the other artifacts from our reality hopping--weapons from the dinosaur incursion, the tornado invasion, the giant tomato attack. they're all safely stowed and cleaned, ready for the day when the reruns return.

Captain Pirate 7/24/2018 10:35pm

The Mephitis is burning. We're beginning to drop like a rock, aft first, and we can hear the wooshing of the flames as they rush through the gas bags like wildfire, making their way to the bridge. Where is my water bottle?

The Mephitis is burning. We're beginning to drop like a rock, fore first. The flames are beginning to engulf the bridge already, and the pine barrens are approaching at an alarming rate. Where is my water bottle?

The Mephitis is burning. We're dropping straight down. Like a rock. We can hear the wooshing of the flames as they rush through the gas bags like wildfire, leaving the frames crumbling and naked like a burnt forest. It's all coming down around us.

Where is my water bottle?

"It's in the cup holder, on your captain's chair. Where it always is," says Choco Loni.

I look out over the sea. Skies are calm. Clouds on the horizon but nothing to worry about.

She knows better than to ask me what's on my mind.

Doctor Argosa 7/2/2018 10:37pm

Doctor's Log: I watch the Captain sleeping--a curl of dark hair on his forehead, his eyes darting rapidly beneath his closed eyelids--and thank our stars that we haven't blinked out of existence. Even in his dream state, we seem to have enough mythological cohesion to remain in the picture, bobbing on his consciousness like balls floating on the ocean. Though our continuity stream changes course at his whim, it doesn't disappear all together when he's asleep, and his waking imagination is far more a danger than his dream state, apparently.

I wonder what he's dreaming about. I look more closely at his sleeping face, blissful, childlike, and move away a lock of hair that's over his ear. What is that in his ear? A tiny spark? I put my eyepiece in and peer down his external auditory passage, searching for the dream...

And there, past the wax and gunk and the internal auditory meatus, past the inner ear... I see it!

As if at the bottom of a well, I see the Captain sleeping, with his doctor watching over, moving a lock of hair from over his ear, peering down the long dark tunnel to the dream below. The dream of the Captain sleeping, with his doctor watching over.

choco loni 6/11/2018 10:10pm

i call this one the round bomb. can you see why?

just drop this pretty little fizzer on an unsuspecting mob and send them on a sweet escape. they'll get lost in a labyrinth of the senses, feel their way down garden paths and mazes, unwind surrounded by the scents of dittany of crete, jasmine, storax, rose, frankincense, tobacco, cedar, myrrh, musk and ambergris, till they find themselves at the heart of an ancient binding ritual, being performed by cultists.

what controls the output to the cultlist properties of the sheetmetal part?

when the ritual unbinds, they find themselves unwinding, back through the ambergris, musk, myrrh, cedar, tobacco, frankincense, rose, storax, jasmine, and dittany of crete, back through the mazes and the garden paths, out of the labyrinth, feeling calm and refreshed.

can you see why i call it the round bomb?

do not eat

keep away from small children

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