SS. Simpson

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Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 2:04pm

I hired 6 crew members, and the wild rock has eaten them all!
Ships, please help! We are stranded at Bubblegum Island, full of deadly bunnies who will stop at nothing to eat you, quicksand/bubblegum, and a giant Bubblegum volcano that is due to erupt any minute now!

Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 2:00pm

The wild rock has eaten another crew member I have hired. Bad rock!

Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 1:58pm

I am accepting this job, as I am very bored. Just sitting at home, drinking hot cocoa.

Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 1:55pm

We have finished transporting the funny rocks.
It turns out Dave and the other crewmate were just a figure of my imagination, but that's not worrisome... is it?

Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 1:52pm

The rocks are wrapped in tin foil, and I have hired two crewmates to carry them.
Unfortunately, Dave (one of the crewmates) unwrapped the tinfoil on his, and is in bed, sick from laughing. We are afraid he will never be able to stop laughing.
"Help me stop laughing!" Were Dave's exact words.
I told him, "I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that for you."
We are currently halfway to our destination. More on that later.

Dies Vitae 11/13/2023 1:46pm

I am accepting this job as my first job, and am excited to transport these funny rocks!

Prof. Xelope Smufhhj - 11/9/2023 12:02am

Job claimed by Dies Vitae 2023-11-13 13:58:57



I am looking for someone to transport one wild rock.

The rock was removed from its natural habitat of Rockopolis and trained in rock fights, I am a rockologist looking to return this poor creature to its natural habitat. Please do not, talk, look, touch, speak or think to/about the rock, as it feels threatend by these things.


P.S Please do not junk email me :) Thanks

-Prof. Xelope Smufhhjwf

Tav - 10/14/2023 11:06pm

Job claimed by Dies Vitae 2023-11-13 13:46:51


I need someone to deliver a package of 16 funny rocks. These pebbles are so funny you won't be able to stop laughing at them.

Please deliver to: Dave's Rock shack, North Pole, Antarctica.

Thank you.

(P.S. Do NOT look at the rocks!! They are most likely too funny for you!)