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Tony 7/2/2024 11:18pm

Sentient Slime growth is as much a question of biochemistry as it is economics. They both boil down to the same equations. And the math isn't hard -- you just need to make the tables balance in favor of profit.

But not short-term profits. Sentient Slimes play the long game. Like anybody should. Our lifespans add a factor, but really it's the propagation of our slime that's the ultimate goal. So it's a matter of balancing the short-sightedness of our on-the-ground managers with the long term goals. But everybody's got targets to hit, thanks to annual planning. And as an accountant, both manager and C-level slimes look to me for guidance.

So I keep my analysis grounded in the data, and the long-term. We can lose whole colonies -- like ants taking the bait in a suburban kitchen, or hair that comes out in your brush (assuming you're a mammal). But, as an accountant, I'm going to advise long-term strategies.

Sour Pineapple 3/12/2024 11:24pm

"Sour Pineapple you are cleared for take off. Over."

"Roger Gummy Tower. Over."

When the Agro is topped up, she takes around 10,000 gallons of sentient slime source excretions. And you can feel it in her belly when you're lifting off.

"C'mon baby. You can do it."

The trick is not to push it. It's not like we've got wings looking for lift. It's really about patience, and letting the gas do its thing and the propellers just nudging it along...

"Any time now, Sour Pineapple. Over."

Yeah the slimes in the tower like to have their fun. But let 'em have it. Soon enough I'll be cruising above the clouds, while they'll be stuck in their tower, heating up burritos in the microwave.

Mr. Grape 11/15/2023 11:53pm

"Order!!! This meeting will come to order. Ms. Lemon, get your cadre under control!"

"You heard the man, Lemonheads! Quiet down!"

"Yes, ahem, so." I said, clearing my throat. "Yet another sector of the Outer Reach has been tamed, and is now under control of the Sentient Slime Network."

"Hear hear!"

"Motions to change the name Sentient Slime Network to Sentient Slime Empire have been rejected once again, due to the word 'empire' still performing poorly in our focus groups."


"We must continue to be a data driven movement, Mr. Blue Raspberry. Our sentient emotions can not be our guide."

"What about my emotions for you, Mr. Grape?"

The room chuckles.

"We now must enter the self-replication phase, as we have reached the full extent of the market penetration phase. You'll each be given Source Container buckets on your way out tonight. Begin filling them with your source excretions--"

"I hate this part!"

"--and deliver your output daily to the holding tanks near the Quick Station. The packaging facility should be online in a day or two, and we'll be able to start shipping out the next wave by the end of next week. Any questions?"

"Just how sour are YOU, Mr, Grape?"

"Will you PLEASE keep your cadre in line, Ms. Lemon? Attendance of these meetings is a privilege, not a right, and I'm sure your category would rather not miss the delicious peptides we're all about to enjoy, if I am not mistaken?"

"You are not mistaken, Mr. Grape."

"Then, if there are no more questions, it's time to DIG IN!"


Hove Albion 8/11/2023 11:27pm

Sure, I felt a little uneasy about eating Sentient Slimes at first. I'd seen the movie about the one the scientist made friends with, and how it built itself a house out of its favorite books and became a cruciverbalist. But when my friends got me drunk enough to try one I was hooked! You should try one too! Don't wait till you're drunk! Sentient Slimes have changed my life.


Mr. MIlner 4/30/2023 11:13pm

I'm starting to have a funny feeling about these sentient slimes. The folks that love to eat 'em just don't seem themselves. Oh, not in a bad way or nuthin. If anything they seem more calm, and respectful like.

Tony, who's one of the original sentient slimes and I retained as an accountant, tells me sentient slimes do have that effect on people.

Mr. MIlner 1/17/2023 10:21pm

I'm the proprietor at Zephyr Quick Station #8861B/a65, and we've already sold out of that shipment of packaged sentient slimes we got delivered. They're so dang good they just walk right off the shelves -- into your mouth!

Can we arrange for another one of those shipments, please? People are starting to get downright violent when I have to tell 'em we're sold out. Make it a double order! A triple! Pack your whole dang blimp with 'em but just get me as much as you can as soon as possible, and I'll make it worth your while.

agone 10/21/2022 8:19am

I shall deliver the goods safe

Joanne B - 10/1/2022 12:33pm

Job claimed by agone 2022-10-21 08:19:45

I need someone to pick up these packaged sentient slimes.