The Flying Comradeearliest post first | most recent post first
Raiding giant produce farms had been the bread and butter of the Guinea Pig Red Liberation Army. They know how to sniff them out from the air, and security is low enough that an airborne approach is usually successful. They're adept with the winches and pulleys and can fill the hold with huge carrots and heads of lettuce. I've told them if they want my experience on board as an advisor then we need to up our game. They squeak and look attentive during my presentations via the view screen, but they're so used to living a cash-free lifestyle, it just doesn't compute for their giant guinea pig brains.
Aside from food, the other thing they understand is bedding. They gather up old newspaper and fill the ship with it, then dump it out when it gets too stinky. This has given me an idea...
The bank robbery was a disaster. Navigating the behavior of the giant guinea pigs on the ship was no trouble--release a pellet and ZOOM goes the ship. Hard to starboard! About port! And with the help of Google Maps I was able to guide The Flying Comrade right where it needed to be. In transit, via closed circuit TV, I had the guinea pigs study a series of diagrams I had made of the interior of the bank, describing the role each guinea pig would play in the heist. As a safety precaution, none of us used our own names, but instead used the code names I had given them: Handsome Becky, Yul, Hermione, Chuckles, Beefy Ray Cakes, Monkey Magic, and Ruth. Scruffy remained Scruffy because I already knew his name so it didn't matter.
As soon as the guinea pigs entered the bank, it was chaos. They shut the front door behind them and squealed out "WEEEEEEEEEEEEK! WEEEEK WEEEEK WEEEEK WEEEEK WEEEEEEEK!" but instead of hugging the ground, everyone in the bank ran around frantically. This spooked the giant guinea pigs who began to tear around the lobby of the old bank, popcorning and occasionally smashing an old woman sitting on a couch. And of course there was pooping. When some bank customers finally opened up the doors and ran outside, all of the guinea pigs joined them in the stampede, trampling patrons with their mighty girth. Once outside, they found the rope ladder leading up to the ship and quickly scampered up. The ship then beat a hasty retreat.
During our debrief, it became clear the guinea pigs didn't understand the value of money, or why we wanted it, or even what it was. I thought it would appeal to their radical anti-capitalism, but I guess it was too abstract. I will need to focus their attention on something more concrete. Something that appeals more to their guinea pig nature.
Through the interface provided by Zephyr Air Transport, I discovered I am not only able to keep tabs on my dear Scruffy via closed circuit surveillance, but I can also remotely control various internal functions of the ship. Most importantly, I've discovered I can cause small panels to open which distribute large pellets of food! Do all Zephyr Air Transport ships come thus equipped?
Though the guinea pig crew does hold some dogmatic ideological beliefs, I know the quickest way to a guinea pig's heart--even a gigantic guinea pig heart--is through its stomach. So now, I effectively control The Flying Comrade!
I think it's time we rob a bank.
As part of my insurance settlement with Zephyr Air Transport, I've been given access to the closed circuit tv surveillance on board The Flying Comrade.
Guinea Pig Cam 1: The bridge. Two giant guinea pig butts They must be operating the controls.
Guinea Pig Cam 2: The galley. Strewn with Timothy hay. And poop. Three enormous guinea pigs chomping.
Guinea Pig Cam 3: The cargo hold: More hay. Four giant guinea pigs chomping. And pooping. And popcorning! Hey look it's Scruffy! He looks happy. He's spouting revolutionary dogma.
More from the Airshipping News:
DATELINE--NEW MICHIGAN A Local Timothy Hay producer was the victim of an ariel "smash and grab" last night, the most recent in a string of robberies and acts of property destruction plaguing the Hidden Corners area.
"It was in the middle of the night, but something had those chickens all riled up," said Rafael Figueroa, owner of the Rusty J Timothy Hay Ranch. "I was worried it was the fox, you know, because he's one bad guy who likes chickens, so I grabbed my shotgun and headed out to the barn. But it sure wasn't a fox I'll tell you that!"
What Rafael discovered was a merchant-class G-81 semi-rigid airship parked silently over his barn. Six very large guinea pigs were busy hoisting up a cargo net full of Mr. Figueroa's finest Timothy Hay into its open bomb-bay doors.
"Very large? Oh, Yes, I'd say so. Each one was about the size of a Chevy," said Mr. Figueroa. "They were pulling and pulling on a big rope, hoisting my hay up into their cargo doors. I held up my gun and said "Hey you guinea pigs! Stop that! Drop that hay!" but it was too late. The hay was in the hold."
It was at this time that the guinea pigs began popcorning and leaping around the tiny corral, spooking the horses and causing Mr. Figueroa to inadvertently fire his gun into the air, peppering the hull of the massive ship with shot.
"That sure got their attention, all right. They all turned and looked at me with those big round eyes, then scampered up the rope and into the ship. Then I watched their ship putter off, into the clouds and darkness. It was a rough night."
As this is the fourth such incident in the Hidden Corners area in the past 10 days, it is believed that the bandit gang is holed up near by. Residents are asked to report any suspicious airship they find, perhaps parked in a hollow or a clearing in the woods. Mr. Figueroa is offering a reward of an undisclosed amount for the return of his hay, or any portion that has not been eaten or soiled by the enormous guinea pigs.
I was reading the Airshipping News, trying to discover the fate of Scruffy, my prehistoric guinea pig the size of an SUV, and what had become of him and The Flying Comrade, and there it was on the front page:
REVOLUTION ON THE FLYING COMRADE
It turns out The Flying Comrade was taken over by the Guinea Pig Red Liberation Army! Who are, coincidentally, also very large. They are a radical political party of the sky, and, because of its name, felt The Flying Comrade held similar Marxist-Leninist views. However, upon boarding and discovering one of their own being held in the hold, they left the crew in the life boat balloons and took the ship as their own (according to the rescued crew members).
Even though the guinea pigs are enormous, it's really mostly hair, and they are apparently able to squeeze through the doors of the various rooms of the ship, and operate the controls. The ship was last seen (by the crew in the life balloons) heading to the west, into the setting sun.
It's been a week since The Flying Comrade came and picked up Scruffy. The crew looked quite confident in their spiffy uniforms, but Scruffy had that wild look in his eyes when they put him in the muzzle and halter. I hope the stall they built for him was strong enough--people tend to underestimate the strength of guinea pigs even when they're the size of an SUV. We included crates of carrots and a dozen bales of Timothy Hay, but what if he got confused and angry when they were airborne? Did he smash through the walls of the cargo bay, and fling the crew willy-nilly out the doors and windows? Can he fit himself inside the bridge of the ship? Would he even know how to operate the wheel and the elevators? I'm concerned for his well-being.
I am taking my first job as captain of the Flying comrade. I feel that this ship is more than capable to handle the job.
Job claimed by Lenin 2018-02-04 18:59:20
I really thought I wanted a pet, but my guinea pig has become too much for me. I imagined it could just live in my bedroom in a cage on a dresser, but it's grown and grown and my parents say we just don't have room for it any more. I don't know why we really even need a garage for the car. I mean, why can't it just stay outside? But they won't let him stay there, and he won't fit anywhere else.
Happy Rick's Guinea Pig Safari has said they'll take him, but I have to provide transportation. If you can fit a guinea pig the size of a Subaru Outback, along with enough food and water for the journey, please let me know. I live on 228894 West Henderson St, Los Angeles, New Rock Star. Happy Rick's Guinea Pig Safari is in Lumberton, south of the the Immersive Equator, Down South Style.
Please let me know soon otherwise my mother says she'll release him out in the fields behind our house and I am afraid he will eat people.