The Flying Comradeearliest post first | most recent post first
The giant guinea pigs have really taken the to VR--they're already programming their own games! I've been spending time in their virtual world (I have to remove my giant guinea pig mask to get it on my head, but none of the others noticed because they've been spending all of their time jacked in).
I'm making my way in right now... a real classic cyberpunk virtual landscape, with long neon blue lines running like a freeway through the darkness, to some kind of group of skyscrapers constructed out of pale green polygons. Is that where they've all congregated? Turning my body to light to ride the blue rails now.
Getting the VR headsets on the giant guinea pigs was easier than I’d guessed. At first they popcorned around a bit when I tried to fit it over their heads, but Scruffy has always been the most curious and interested in trying new things. Maybe that’s why he’s their shaman.
Once everybody else saw Scruffy taking to it, they all lined up and got fitted and properly jacked in. I put the ship on autopilot while they get their bearings. I’m starting them out with Misty Baggington’s Magic Maze, just because it’s totally low stakes, and don’t guinea pigs connect well with mazes?
Before giving up the remote connection and joining the crew of giant guinea pigs on The Flying Comrade, I was concerned about their ability to pilot the ship on their own. But did you know that guinea pigs have better color perception than cats and dogs? And that they can see 33 images per second (as opposed to only 22 images per second like humans) and that they have a 340 degree range of vision?
That's right--they would be awesome at video games.
As I swab the deck of the bridge, I watch them navigating rush hour around the world's busiest airports, dodging and dipping their large, unwieldily airship around commercial jets and single engine planes. They're partial to airports because of the tremendous amounts of hay growing in the surrounding fields.
Perhaps if we can enter a gaming event, we can take the prize and upgrade The Flying Comrade to something more modern...
I have successfully joined the crew of The Flying Comrade! Using the remote interface, I directed them to my location and, wearing my full Guinea Pig suit, scrambled up the ladder when they dropped it.
Guinea pigs are naturally social, and when confronted by another one their own size, they immediately took me into their fold, sniffing me minimally and popcorning to express their delight!
But it seems Giant Guinea Pig society--even radical Marxist Giant Guinea Pig Society--has its pecking order. I've been relegated to cleanout duty on the ship--pushing the old used bedding out the open bombay doors and spreading out the fresh.
It's everything I've ever dreamed of!
I've decided to forego the remote connection, and actually join the crew of The Flying Comrade as one of them. That is, a giant guinea pig. Or, in my case, a man in a giant guinea pig suit.
There's no way we can truly act as a team unless I'm right there with them, claws on the deck. I need to drink from the same stainless steel tube, eat the same pellets, and yes, use the same bedding for my biological functions. Then we can really bond, and I can take the crew to the next level.
I'm also refreshing myself in revolutionary Marxist theory, just so we can be sure of speaking the same language.
I will say the mobile interface for commnicating with the giant guinea pigs is not ideal. I mean, it’s not like some game where you can just drive the ship—it’s all about human-animal communication, and if you can make a real CONNECTION with the critters, and it’s hard when all they can see is a FaceTime-sized closeup. It’s better when they have a bigger view, and can see my whole guinea pig costume and I can communicate with body movements, popcorning around and stuff. I’ve also created a life-sized habitat for me to broadcast from, which I keep stocked with hay and a cardboard maze. I think it really helps them trust me.
The weirdest part is realizing those little guinea pigs on the screen are actually the size of mini cars! I only get to see them through the picto-screen, so it's easy to forget they're giant guinea pigs, operating a life-size airship. And when I push the little button to make a pellet come out on the ship, it's a tray the size of a bureau drawer opens up and delivers a pellet the size of a loaf of bread. But we're getting the hang of working together. Maybe it's time to take them out in public.
Hey this sounds like a lot of fun! Whisper Genius is introducing me to the guinea pigs and teaching me all about their little idiosyncrasies. They're so cute to watch through the picto-screen I can't wait to see what kind of fun we'll have together! Thanks Whisper Genius!
Job claimed by Ben Tater 2018-08-05 22:44:03
Fly your own airship--from the comfort of your own home!
Have you always wished to be the captain of your own airship, but have found that the commitments are just too much?
Do you like controlling large lighter-than-air craft through the familiar screen of your own computer?
Do you have an interest in giant guinea pigs?
Then the Flying Comrade is looking for you!
We've got an airship full of passionate Marxist-separatist guinea pigs of exceedingly large size who need YOU to help give them direction in life. And in the air! Sure. they're spunky and have minds of their own, but love the firm hand of guidance and mentorship, especially when communicated via picto-screen and the remote-release of enormous kibble pellets. You stay home and tell these guinea pigs what to do as they drive their airship through the sky, wreaking havoc and liberating the proletariat as they go!
Live the Dream today!
Please respond via this service to Whisper Genius, emcee emeritus of the Whisper Genius.
Oh I give up. You can't teach these giant guinea pigs a thing! At the very least, Scruffy has found a good home, but I've found the Guinea Pig Red Liberation Army impossible to control. At least in terms of complicated heist scenarios.
Which is why I've decided to monetize my interest in these giant guinea pigs and their airship by renting it out for remote control. As previously stated, "control" might be too strong a word, but at the very least I can rent out access to the picto-screen and the ability to open and close the interior treat-chutes for their giant kibble. While clients may not be able to get them to act with any kind of precision, one can affect their behavior in a general sense, which might prove amusing for someone wishing to surprise their wife on her birthday, or drop loads of giant guinea pig poop on the unsuspecting crowd at a football match.
So! If you or someone you love would like to take remote control of The Flying Comrade, and attempt to provide guidance to this unruly crew of giant guinea pigs, please contact me through this social media site and I'm sure we can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement.