earliest post first | most recent post first

Milt McGee 12/19/2021 11:56pm

"I assume this is about the milk," said Al. If he'd had a bad moment with the big cat, you couldn't tell. Al was as cool as ever, and his cramped office wasn't any more messed up than usual.

"Well yes, that's right, Al."

You might think your town is too small for an Al in it, but you're wrong. Every town, no matter how small, has an Al. Somebody that can help you out when you're in a hole. Somebody with connections.

"I'm afraid I can't help you out of this," said Al. "Big connections are calling in a favor. They want the milk. You and I talked about he risks, and here we are."

We had talked about the risks. But I hadn't figured it'd come to this.

"I understand you have responsibilities, Al," I said. "And I stand by our agreement. I know you've done your best by me. I still consider you a friend."

"That's right neighborly of you," said Al. "I consider you a friend as well."

Al and I sat there for a moment, looking over his messy desk in the cramped back room.

"So, you wouldn't want to give your friend a little hint as to where I might find the milk, sooner than your friends can get there, would you?"

Milt McGee 10/28/2021 11:07pm

"Howdy, Milt."

"Howdy Ben."

The Milk Bar is pretty empty this time of day, which suits me just fine.

"Al in?"

"Yup. But he's got company. Won't be long."

I took a seat at the bar.

"Milk?" asked Ben.

"Nah, make it a soda water."

"Soda water, eh? With milk in it?"

"No, just plain. Plain soda water."

"Milk back with that?"

"No thanks, Ben, just a soda water."

Ben went to the back of the bar, rummaged around, and came back.

"Sorry, out of soda water."

"Aw, that's ok."


"No thanks, Ben."

Just then Al's door in the back slammed open, and out walked the biggest two legged cat I'd ever seen. Six foot five at least, wearing an orange muumuu, a big blond wig, platform shoes and beads. She stormed past us, knocking me into the bar and practically taking the front door off its hinges her her way out.

"Looks like Al's free," said Ben.

Milt McGee 9/11/2021 11:42pm

Those old barncats sure can raise a stink. I could see they weren't going to let me get away with my dream of idyllic small town life -- not so long as their precious Milk hangs in the balance.

I'd kept them happy and forgetful with the regular milk. Ol' Bessie and the cows at the local dairy seem to have no complaints providing it, day in, day out, and for a time it kept the cats fat and happy.

But not that old Bobtail. He was always so cautious. Never let himself be pet. Always sure there'd be strychnine in the milk, or that I had a burlap sack ready to scoop him up and take him down to the river. Which really is not how I operate. But old Bobtail got his crusty eye opened up and as soon as he could see through it he knew there was something missing. He knew the REAL milk was missing. And he wouldn't be happy till he had it back.

Trouble is, I'm not sure I can get it back myself.

Milt McGee 7/29/2021 10:35pm

"Well, I don't have it on me," I told old Bobtail.

A handful of young barncats scrambled out the open cargo door and onto a branch. One mewled.

"And you can see it's not on the ship, either. I... I got it stowed away, safe, out if town. Things were starting to get a little hot. Lots of people asking questions."

Old Bobtail took a step towards me, hair on hackles, and growled.

"Yes, yes, I promise. But I can't go get it without my ship, right?"

The barn cat court had a brief discussion, in meows and moans. Finally, old Bobtail leapt off the branch between my and my ship, and the other cats scampered off too. They were giving me back the WonderFly9000.

"Meeeeoowwwwwwwrrrr!" called old Bobtail.

Milt McGee 6/12/2021 11:19pm

The WonderFly9000 was hung up in the copse of cottonwood trees pretty good. Her safety rope (which I had deployed) as well as the rope ladder had got her caught in the branches, and the external cargo netting had gotten snagged too. I just needed to climb these old grandmother trees and get to untangling her.


Why it was that old bobtailed tom, King of the Barn Cats, sitting up high on the very tree.

"What's the matter, Bobtail? Need me to call the fire department?"

"Meeeeeeowwwwrr!" "Meeeeoooooowrrrrr!" "Meeeeowwwwrrrrr!"

It wasn't just old Bobtail. There were barn cats perched all over in these trees.

"Meeeowwwwwwwrrr!' "Meeeooowr!" "Meeeeoowwwwwwwrrrr!"

And in the clearing as well. There was a whole barn cat court in session. Which was especially unusual considering the early hour.

And they were all staring at me, with their yellow barn cat eyes.

"Uh..." I said. "This isn't about the milk, is it?"

Milt McGee 4/30/2021 11:55pm

"Hullo Mr. McGee!"

"Hello Ralph! Just chasing after my airship here!"

Ralph is picking his newspaper out of his pansies as I run down the street.

"Hi there Mr. Milkman..."

"Hello Edna. No time to chat! Gotta catch my ship!"

"Oh dear, I see that. Well good luck! Be sure to stop on by later--"

"Will do, Edna!"'

Edna's on her porch. She's quite a looker, but she makes me uncomfortable, with all her looking.

"OOOOOF!" I run right into the hedge at the edge of the Presbyterian church. Well, nothing for it but to hop on over and cut through the church playground, and over their chainlink fence, and run to the end of the cul de sac.

The WonderFly9000 is snagged in a copse of cottonwood trees.

"Now you just stay put, little missy!"

Milt McGee 3/19/2021 11:54pm

Purrrrr purrrrrr purrrrrr

"Careful you cats. Or you just might make your old milkman Milt fall right over!"

These darn cats will be the death of me, tangling round my feet like this.

"Shooo! Now git!"

It's bad luck for a milkman to kick a cat.

Bottles clink, and I replace the empties for the fulls.

Where exactly do all these cats come from, I wonder? Barn cats, by the looks of them. But mighty friendly.

"You cats get back to your barn."

I turn around and head back up the front walk, and what's this? The WonderFly9000 has come loose and is drifting away. Did I forget the parking brake?

I start running, but already she's drifting out over the fence, over the pasture.

Milt McGee 2/4/2021 8:53pm


The cows meet the break of day in the pasture.

A mist hangs in the trees.

And the milk-blimp WonderFly9000 begins its daily rounds, delivering bottles of cold milk, butter, and ice cream novelties to the people of the valley.

Patsy McGee 12/20/2020 6:02pm

And with that, night and a sleep for a thousand years falls like a soft dark curtain, twinkling with stars.

Pakhet 10/30/2020 10:57pm


The milk! The milk!
It doth sustain us
And fills our leathery husks with life,
Blowing us up like the very udders
Of the maiden of this Milk Ship so fair.


Thou @HRH Chons have fulfilled your promise
And brought us back to the land of the living
(in full, and now with full bellies!).


We will praise your majesty every day,
From dusk until the Earth grows light,
Hunting the mice from the store rooms,
And the rats at all horizons,
Paving your path to glory
With the blood of your enemies on our paws.


My sister @Mafdet and I
Will play the menat and the sistrum
In honor of our milk maiden mother
Until we pass once again
Into the West.

But now,
We must nap.

next 10 >