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Training Personality 7/21/2021 4:40pm

So, the first thing you're probably asking is "How can I see? How can I even breathe? What even is this place???!!"

Ok take a breath, you're kind of seizing up. Ah, there... just breathe.

Number one rule: don't worry about the details. There are METAPHORICAL ANALOGS that you'll get used to soon enough. Like, notice how you can see behind me, and inside of me, all at the same time? But it's not weird, right?

It's not weird, RIGHT?

This animated cartoon we're prepared will help:

You've made shadow puppets, right?

(two dimensional images of shadow bunnies and doves appear on a wall)

They look like what they are, but when you look at the hands...

(camera pulls back to show a pair of gnarled, clawed, webbed fingers)

Well they look very different, don't they?

Now, let's play with a cat on the bed.

(a large black cat lounges on a sheet)

Let's tease it!

(a finger moves beneath the sheet)

First I'm here...

(the cat paws at the finger)

Then I'm here!

(the finger suddenly pokes up in a different place, and the cat attacks)


(fingers suddenly poke up all around the cat, which scares it and it leaps away)

If we look under the sheet...

(the sheet is pulled away, revealing a large, starfish shaped creature with one large eye and a gaping fanged mouth)

Just like the hands that make the shadow puppets, this little rascal looks very different from what it appeared to be as well!

So, while the world you formerly perceived appeared in a certain way, it was merely an inadequate and distorted perception of a higher reality. A TEN DIMENSIONAL reality! Which is where you are now. There is absolutely no higher reality than this one, because we can perfectly explain everything, including--


training personality 6/3/2021 9:36pm




bigger in ten dimensions!

See? I told you you'd get the hang of it.

Don't be afraid. You're certainly not the first lower dimensional life-form to enter our dimension this way. And we're getting better at it all the time! Just relax, and this short training course will psycho-subliminally stimulate the appropriate modification sequences in your host vessel while teaching you interesting and important facts about living in ten dimensions.

And just to make things easy, we'll call your host vessel THE ALBION. How about that?

Now sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Yitzi Kashmee 4/22/2021 10:45pm

Welcome to the Wiggly Toe Waiting Room. No need to worry. Things will seem a bit strange while you acclimate. It's like having your whole body turned inside out. Your eyes will start working eventually, after they learn to see in 10 dimensions. Here, have a cold bottle of Ershlatz. I'm putting it in your hands now. I'm closing your fingers around it. Ha ha yes those are your fingers. But don't try -- no! -- ah you've poured it into your ear. No worries. You just sit tight and take it easy for awhile.

What? Giant worms wriggling behind me? Ah, no, that's just, well, one thing at a time. We'll need you to sign some forms. Set the bottle down here... oh whoops! No no it's fine, we'll clean it up later. No the papers are fine, totally dry. Now, here's a pen... feel that? Ok, just put your, uh, mark here. Just any scribble will do. Can't really expect you to figure out cursive at this level. Ah, great. Perfect.

Now you just lean back. Try to just relax your body all over. Yes.... you're doing great. Now, we've got kind of a helmet contraption that should help you retrain your senses. And there's a bit of explanation too. Ok, I'm slipping it over your head now. In a moment you'll start to see and hear a liminal training tape. Just relax, and let it flow into you. Don't resist it. Yes, any minute now...

Yitzi Kashmee 3/9/2021 11:09pm

Oh these base life forms can be so trying. Not difficult mind you; they're easy as pie. Trying in the sense that they're soooo booooring.

This particular brood were primate based, and responded to the keying rhythms as is their wont, with their sexualized dance moves, like the whip, and the nae nae, and the flossing. They were moved into the central delocation chamber and unravelled; that is, they were impelled to export/disgorge the entirety of their info-sets (ie, their life stories) via interpretative dance.

Well, that's a quaint way to say it. It may look like they are dancing, there, on the stone temple floor, surrounded by leering lizard men, centipede-fur tapestries adorning the walls. That's what it looks like.

But what you're seeing is merely the three dimensional shadow -- the tip of an unseen (and for you incomprehensible) iceberg. They move, they swirl, they dougie and they shake and they dab, but what you're seeing is just the jerky physical manifestation of information transfer at a much higher level.

My level. And that of my people. And let me tell you it's a WHOLE other level.

While you may see us as your run of the mill "lizard people," that is merely our corporeal manifestation in your world. In your dimension, if you will. It's like if I stuck my toe into your aquarium and you thought that toe was me! Well, that's not the best analogy, because my toe isn't a lizard at all.

Come, let me show you. You merely have to move your body like this... and like this... and then this.... Yes! You've got it! Keep moving that way, and come a little closer....

Magnus Arquebus 1/25/2021 11:46pm

"They're kind of a lizard people, Captain," says Ensign Fleabauge. "I saw some through the peep hole."

That would explain the musky smell. Desert bandits? First they strip our engines, and now they've taken us prisoner. Why not just slit our throats? Ransom? Who do they think would pay?

"Heads up! They're coming back."

We all back away.

BAM BAM BAM like a truncheon on the cell door.

The rattle of keys, and the door is kicked open by a heavy leather boot.

No one enters, and a simple, bongo beat starts up in the hall. But it's richer than a bongo, more like... a tabla? So resonate. So many different tones. It's mesmerizing. And intricate. And repetitive.

"Captain... I... I can't control my feet," says Old Adam Sol. "Can't control my toes!"

Indeed. We all seem to be... captivated by the rhythm. Bouncing with our knees, snapping our fingers, shaking our butts.

Then, the rhythm changes slightly, and I can't help but lead my small group out of the cell, in a single, unified conga line.

Yitzi Kashmee 12/12/2020 11:02pm

"Are they alive?"

"Yes your highness, they are alive."

"They don't look alive to me. How can you tell?"

"Life signs, your highness. On the handhelds."

"Oh. They do that?"

"The ones with the snakeheads, yes, your highness. Like this one."

"Wow, that's great. I should really know that."

"Not at all, your highness. You must have a lot on your mind."

"Wha--? Oh, yes. Yes, most definitely."


"So, who are they?"

"Unknown, your highness. Crash landed an airship a little ways east. We'd finished stripping it, but I guess they followed us home. Fell into a Smarl pit."

"Huh. Well, let me know when they're awake, will you?"

"Yes your highness."

Magnus Arquebus 9/13/2020 10:57pm


The sand hisses across the dunes.

We travel in a line, chasing each other through the nooks and crannies, the channels between the exposed rock and hills of sand, occasionally popping up over a crest to scan the horizon. We wrap our heads and faces with scarves to keep out the dust, lift our goggles to get a better look through the binoculars.

"Look sir! There it is again!"

I take the glasses and can just make out the long dark shadow, snaking over the hills ahead, tail slipping over the horizon. The bandits who attempted to strip our beached ship last night. And got away with some important parts. Necessary parts.

"Make for it! Over the hill! Keep it in sight!"

The wind kicks up as we tumble over the dunes, piles of sand spilling ahead of us, and behind. After interminable peaks and valleys, we crest again.

"I'm not seeing anything sir. There must be an entrance somewhere neeaaarrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!"

We all tumble over each other, and the sand, as the ground opens up beneath us.

Magnus Arquebus 8/4/2020 9:56pm

Screeeeeeeeeeech Ka-THUMP Ka-THUMP Ka-THUMP.

I guess I know what the dust is doing the bearings.

"Shut down all engines!"

Maybe we can save one or two of the propellers if we shut them all down now.

"Shutting down, sir."

"Ensign Fleabauge, can you get us above this dust cloud, or below it, with just the elevators? Unassisted?"

"The altimeter's not responding, sir. Maybe it inhaled some of this dust."

"Well we'll all be inhaling sand if we drive into the ground. Take us up then, Ensign. Look for daylight."

Without props, we're more like a kite, or a surfboard. We can catch a current, but we're at it's mercy. And inside this dust cloud we can't see a thing.

Ka-THUNK. Everybody on the bridge falls forward a step.

"Uh... I think we've touched down, Captain."

Magnus Arquebus 6/27/2020 5:44pm

Dust. Never have I seen so many shades of dust in a sunset.

We're farther west than we've been. Beyond the the last outpost of the Royal Reptile Leather mail, the final watering hole for the ctenosaurs. Beyond the widest ripple of Verte Teigne, the spiraling desert algae colony organism that is key to the ecosystem of the Known Lands. Beyond view of the Pillars of Coherent Light.

Now even the dunes are obscured by clouds of dust. Not merely shifting sands, but autonomous atmospheric phenomenon, dust particles of different sizes congregating at their respective altitudes. Ochres and ambers passing below, hot pink and heliotrope above. And at our regular cruising altitude, doing our best to dodge thunderclouds of garnet and cosmos and tuscan reds.

"Masks and googles, everyone. Looks like we're heading through another," Ensign Fleabauge announces through the speaking tube.

I hate to think what it's doing to the bearings.

Magnus Arquebus 5/14/2020 11:57pm

It was with only limited regret that we bade goodbye to the Merlesee. While such wandering holy men are considered good luck to have on board in these lands, and he did very likely save the ship and all of our lives from the creature in the cargo hold, there was a general unease he created with the crew, what with his penchant for standing in one particular place for days on end, emitting long plaintive howls, and of course his very musky smell.

The break up was, at least, mutual, as he made a kind of short bow before disappearing into the forest of cone-shaped rocks.

"Where to, Captian?" asks Ensign Fleabauge.

We've been kept so busy here in the Far Reaches that I haven't had time to dwell on the terrible tragedy that drove us here--the loss of our gifted airshipmechanic apprentice @Eve.

I fall into a deep melancholy as we head farther to the west, towards the giant, sinking orange sun and over the yellow sands.

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