earliest post first | most recent post first

Magnus Arquebus 3/27/2019 8:21pm

Through the rather ornate Termination and Breach clause in our contract with the Albion, we, Enormous Hives, LLC, have assumed control of the ship. The original crew had abandoned ship as the Giant Bees began to build their hive around it on Storm Mountain, and the one good thing about the attack of the Giant Crab Spiders is that they left a hole in the hive big enough to fly the ship through to safety!

Which is why I, Magnus Arequebus, now stand at the rather sticky wheel of the airship Albion, ready to leave the hive and save the citizens of Oak Cliff! Though they are protected by the giant dome of the finest Texas Toast in the land, those spiders are insidious and I wouldn't put it past them to find their way through at any moment.

As we've had to start the crew from scratch, we've also taken on Airshipmechanic apprentice @Eve, who's working on getting the honey and beeswax out of the machinery. Just as soon as that's done, the remaining Giant Bees and the mighty black and yellow Albion will liberate the people and show those Giant Crab Spiders who's boss!

Eve 3/26/2019 10:38am

Hi there im Eve
Im 19 and a Airshipmechanic aprentist.
I would love do work on the Albion and learn more about Airship mechanics

Magnus Arquebus 3/4/2019 7:56pm

Oh dear, the carnage was as bad as we'd feared.

After decimating the hive, the Giant Crab Spiders ballooned across the desert to Oak Cliff, attempting to prey on the human settlement, no doubt. However, perhaps directly related to the "HIDE! GIANT SPIDERS APPROACHING!" flyers that we had printed up and distributed by local residents we hired through Yelp, the citizens were ready. Through a tremendous private/public partnership, and the cooperation of the Kirby's Texas Toast production facility, a protective dome was raised over the city. The size of the Kirby's slices (roughly 10' x 10') made erecting the structure a relatively quick and simple process.

While the citizens remain safe, it's a waiting game now, as the Giant Crab Spiders lie in wait outside the dome.

Magnus Arquebus 2/1/2019 1:09pm

I can understand the decision to go with the Giant Spiders, but, had Enormous Hives, LLC been consulted we would have pointed out that while they do lack the crushing weight of the Giant Toads and Giant Lizards, they are much harder to remove from the scene once their work is done. Not to mention the almost chthonic malevolence that they possess. Had they opted for the slow moving and frankly somewhat cute Giant Fuzzy Tarantulas this would have been less of an issue, but I think we can all admit that the Giant Crab Spiders are, in fact, terrifying.

Time will tell, I suppose!

Magnus Arquebus 12/31/2018 7:25pm

The Albion has been completely obscured by the waxy combs constructed by the Giant Bee swarm. The top of Storm Mountain is now completely covered by their honeycomb, as the Giant Bees fly too and fro, raiding the local sugar factory and corn syrup production facilities.

We at Enormous Hives, LLC, have suggested setting the nearby prairie on fire, in order to produce the smoke necessary to shoo the Giant Bees away and let us take control of the Albion and remove it (and of course entirely repainting its black and yellow color pattern) but this way forward has been entirely discounted by the local authorities! But it is WE who are the authority on Giant Bees, aren't we now?

We just hope they will not go forward with the very bad plans utilized in the past concerning the introduction of Giant Toads and Giant Lizards into the area in an attempt to control them, because we all know how that turns out.

RoseLalonde - 12/11/2018 7:26pm

Job claimed by Eve 2019-03-26 10:38:19


It has come to my attention that my ten crates of sheep's wool yarn must be shipped immediately. Please, if you can, ship my crates from Rainbow Falls in Adirondack State Park (New York) to the Psarian region of Alternia. If I am correct, start in the direction of the 61 Cygni and keep going straight for exactly 86690 decades and you'll reach Alternia.
If you are interested in this request, please send a carrier owl to Maple Valley, Washington. My friend John will take the message. He does not get often company so excuse him if he offers you samples of his baked goods (he is not that good at baking but please do not hurt his feelings, thank you).

Best Wishes,
Rose Lalonde

Magnus Arquebus 11/25/2018 8:24pm

I'm sure you've all seen it on the news--how the Albion has been adopted as the new queen of the Giant Bees. I should have known the Albion's black and yellow color scheme could cause them some confusion.

Anyway, the swarm has forced the Albion to the top of Storm Mountain (in the vicinity of Oak Cliff) and have begun to build their hive. I'm sure there'd be no danger to the crew if they'd like to escape at that point, before all the Giant Bee Wax starts to flow.

Magnus Arquebus 10/25/2018 8:26pm

Our entire colony of Giant Bees left with the Albion along with their honey. We really thought they'd head on back, and we even put on the big bee costumes and did the waggle dance to help them find their way, but they have continued to swarm the Albion all along its journey to Oak Cliff, where they make the biggest and most prized Texas Toast in all the land. We've received sightings from the World Bee Organization at the insect checkpoints along the way. You may have seen it on the Weather Channel. Well we just hope those big buzzers find their way back to us soon!

Bling Bumble 9/25/2018 8:00pm


Emile Valentine 8/24/2018 1:48am

I hope that I can get these normal human things!! Wait..., do I see a crack in one of those human things, Well CAPTAIN Emile Valentine fears NO human things whatsoever! HA-HA!.. More cracks?

Well me and my new pet, Magnifico the unflappable are on our ways to drop off the other human things!

next 3 >