SHIP'S LOG:

Araceli

Jimmy Three-hands 4/4/2025 11:00pm

Your Jimmy Three-hands had a problem, what with the hole in his wonderful airship, and he had one eye keeping an eye on the ever nearing treetops of the forest of the Northbundle, Idofrod, NTE, area, and one eye keeping an eye on the hole smack in the middle of a gorgeous two-page spread of The Phantom Platoon. But it was Jimmy Three-hand's third eye that spotted another hole directly across the ship torn through the opening splash page of the first issue of Ultra Lass! And the Araceli was continuing her plunge into those nasty looking craggy trees below.

Now Jimmy Three-hands just knows how things tend to come in threes and was trying not to think about it, when sure enough another thing happened. And that thing was a third hole just getting bursted through the third side of his wonderful airship. Right though an important page of the Forever Cabal.

And it was then that it was clear these holes were not the work of the little forest denizens chewing up my comic book plastered airship, but an angry dive bombing barn owl, diving and bombing right though the Araceli, creating serious problems for airworthiness as well as destroying my prize collection of comic book pages. What had gotten that barn owl so worked up?

And here came those trees. Jimmy Three-hands was going down.

Jimmy Three-hands 12/11/2024 3:52pm

It's true ol' Jimmy Three-hands told a fib. And maybe Great Mama Two-hands could smell it, since Great Mama Two-hands has her two great big noses. And don't get me wrong -- everybody loves those noses! But it is too much to be too long anywhere. Jimmy Three-hands is a rambler, and comes a time when even Great Mama Two-hands rambles on a bit too much.

So there I was, ramblin' on in the Araceli, taking a look at the comic-book pages she was plastered together with, and dang it if it didn't appear as if some of the little forest denizens in Great Mama Two-hands' neck of the woods hadn't chewed through some of those pages! The Araceli had a hole you could stick your three-eyed three-nosed head right through.

And the Araceli was going down.

Jimmy Three-hands 8/16/2024 11:51pm

Now, I didn't want to let on to Great Mama Two-hands, but frankly I'd had enough pie. And certainly enough of this Pie Gobbler story. Jimmy Three-hands was rested and fed and needed to be moving on.

"Excuse me, Great Mama Two-hands, while your pie was as delicious as always, and I'm sure this story of yours has a real meaningful and conclusive ending, I made some promises about being certain places at certain times and I will need to come back and hear the end of the tale of the Pie Gobbler another time."

Great Mama Two-hands looked surprised.

"Oh!" she said. "Why just look at the time."

Great Mama Two-hands' clock looked like a pie with a piece missing.

"Well you just take this little basket I made for you," she said, walking me to the door, "and you just be sure to visit Great Mama Two-hands again just as soon as you're able."

And with that, I was soon back in the Araceli, lifting of into the evening sky.

Great Mama Two-hands 4/25/2024 10:24pm

It was the lightning and the panic made him do it. And the hunger.

That scary old house was in his way. It was coming between him and his pies. The only way through, as the Pie Gobbler saw it, was to put it inside him. And all the pie inside it.

Now that pie face was as big as a house himself. And that made all the people flee in terror as he marched into the city.

Pie City, that is.

Great Mama Two-hands 1/3/2024 10:58pm

The Pie Gobbler became a Pieface. People would walk by his place and see him haunting in the windows and say "Who is that Pieface?" and "Did the moon come out tonight as a peanut butter pie?" and "He is missing a piece, that Pieface."

The Pie Gobbler was too hungry to hear them. He always had his mind on the next slice. But he could get no pies delivered, because the pie delivery drivers were too frightened of his scary old house. And he was too scared to leave his house full of half eaten pies.

It was a lightning storm one summer night that the Pie Gobbler ate up that scary old house, half eaten pies and all.

Great Mama Two-hands 9/20/2023 9:37pm

The Pie Gobbler's eyes were bigger than his plate. Oh he'd eat two dozen pieces a day, from two dozen different pies, with two dozen cups of coffee. But oh such a waste! The Pie Gobbler's house was filled with uneaten pies, pies with just one piece cut out of them, pies just sitting there and attracting flies. It was sad.

"Oh Pie Gobbler. Why don't you order just one piece? You can gobble all the pie you want, but you want more pie than you can gobble!"

"Leave me alone," the Pie Gobbler said. "I'll gobble as I choose."

The Pie Gobbler 6/18/2023 9:44pm

WOW that's some pie! I don't reckon I've had "pie" before, least not as ever stuck in my memory.

What kind of pie did you call this? A peanut butter pie? And you say all these other dishes in this display case are pies as well?

I will need to have one of each. To go.

Great Mama Two-hands 2/26/2023 11:52pm

The Pie Gobbler didn't start out by gobbling pies, though there are those who say he must have had the inclination inside him all along.

The Pie Gobbler started out by eating regular food, just like you and me. He had his share of macaroni and cheese, and cheese sauce on crackers, and dried beef on toast. He said it was fine but didn't think much of it, just like you and me.

But the day that the Pie Gobbler first tasted pie, everything changed.

For everyone.

Great Mama Two-hands 11/23/2022 11:43pm

Pie can be the healthiest food in the world. Pie can be the most unhealthy food in the world. Pie can be good. Pie can be bad.

You can make almost anything into pie. You can make an apple pie. You can make a meat pie. You can make a mud pie.

It all could be pie, depending on how you look at it, Jimmy Three-hands.

And there was one little fella who did. He's the one they call the Pie Gobbler.

Great Mama Two-hands 9/1/2022 11:19pm

Well Jimmy Three-hands you must be famished! Look at how you gobbled that pie right up. No wonder my pieces are going missing! You are chewing your way right through the scenery and into the future stealing the fresh pies and into the past stealing the stale pies and right here in the present chewing on the pies right in front of you.

Let Great Mama Two-hands get you another piece, and tell you a story about a pie gobbler. Now you might think this is a prelude to some kind of time-pie-shaming but oh Jimmy Three-hands you know Great Mama Two-hands better than that. There's no shame about time or pie when your intentions are right. And that's just the story you need to hear as you finish off that pie.

Would you care for another glass of fresh squeezed Strawberry lemonade before we begin?