Golden Stoneearliest post first | most recent post first
Do you want to know the secret of how the Golden Stone navigates the icy air? Our propellers are snowflakes, and I’m the one who makes them.
I take my snowflake wand and place it in the snowflake sauce and blow and blow and blow till my cheeks puff out and my face turns red and out comes a perfectly formed propeller, no two alike.
I like my mice on ice, which is why I'm ship's cat on the Golden Stone. I like to stay curled up in the Captain's bunk 23 hours a day, but when it's time to stretch my legs I remove the rodents from the vaults. Rats from Reykjavik! Mice from Minsk! Only the heartiest of rodents dare take up on the Golden Stone, due to the cool climate we keep. Mice in mufflers! Mice in mittens! Mice in big furry hats. I've gained quite a respect for these cold critters, Siberian snow dwellers and Antarctic adventurers one and all. I try and find them safe passage thru to the cold climes, these stalwart little stowaways. Plus, I've learned the sting of their tiny harpoons the hard way.
I'm the Communications Officer, and I keep the Golden Stone in touch with all the other ships in the air and bases on the ground. We use Morse Code, because it's so co-co-cold on the ship all the time that we can't keep from chattering! My knees are knocking and my fingers are snapping as I tap tap tap that Morse Code out on the frozen ice-skull clacker with the ice-teeth chatter. Give me a ring and I'll tell you how cool we are!
As custodian on the Golden Stone, I do the mopping when the ice begins to melt. I tell them "keep those doors shut or the ice is gonna melt!" but do they listen? Nah. Nobody can sit still these days, always opening doors and walking through them. "You'll let the draft out!" I cry. "Mr. Northwind can't blow all day AND all night! Give him a breather!"
But I swear the worst of it is the hot breath of our clients, coming in to pant over their gold. "Look at my gold! PANT PANT PANT" and the ice shelves and ice safes we've got the gold in just melts away, and they call in ol' Filbert Ringtoss Sr. to mop up the mess. And I've got to mop it up fast before Mr. Northwind DOES come by and turns it all into an ice rink!
The Golden Stone is so c-c-c-cold they had to get PENGUINS to work on it! That's where I come in -- Pvt. First Class Squawky McWaddles here! Yes sir! Me and the other Private Penguins do all the odd jobs on the refrigeration decks--running as fast as we can and slipping and sliding as we make sharp turns, carrying great stacks of dirty dishes piled high and oh nooooooooooooooo!!!! There they go!!!!!!!!! CRASH!!!!!
Ding! Ding! Ding! Hear that ringing? It's me, Boatswain Bob, and one of my jobs is keeping time on the Golden Stone by ringing the ship's golden bell. It's solid gold, naturally, so Mr. Northwind makes sure to keep a cool wind blowing on it all the time. Otherwise it would crack!
When I'm not ringing the bell, you can find me running 'round the ship pointing out things to Mr. Northwind that need to be kept cold. Golden Fleeces! Sandwiches! Tuna salad! Everything needs to be kept COLD COLD COLD!
Blowers blowing at full blast, Bosun! Wind chill chilling on high! Air flow icy! Keep passages clear! Malted Menthol shakes for all on the Mezzanine at midnight! Frozen sunshine on the Promenade! Wear your mufflers!
My brothers and I have hitched a ride south on the Golden Stone. As snowmen living above the arctic circle, we love this time of year as it allows us to venture out and see the world, and the refrigerated containers on the Golden Stone are exactly the kind of transportation we require! Mr. Icicle has made us very comfortable, giving us thin blankets and very large blocks of gold to sleep on, and brings us Frosted Flakes to eat. Because you know what they say: it's about the journey, not the destination!
Eugene here! Refrigeration Specialist on the Golden Stone. I keep things frosty on the ship. We specialize in all things made of gold: gold bars, Feng Shui gold ingots, golden stars, golden skulls, Yuan Bao for Wealth Luck, golden idols, golden dog and cat statuettes, even big golden fountain statues of boys holding umbrellas and peeing. I keep everything cold to make sure the gold doesn't crack, which, if you've ever had anything made of solid gold, you know is a big problem.
We're the first choice for anyone needing to move solid gold, but when times are lean, we fall back on popsicles and ice cream. Which is a harder sell this time of year. Still, there I am in my snowman suit, loading and unloading the reefer units whenever we make port. Got some extra iced novelties that need moving? Maybe down to the southern hemisphere? Post a job today and we'll scoop it up!
I find it really exciting to be piloting a whole air transport, so it's a shame that I have to work part-time. I work part-time because of school. Shipping gold can be really heavy, and the cool air doesn't make it better. The cool air is so that the gold doesn't melt or crack.