SHIP'S LOG:

HMS Dunwall

Cat Wrangler Tom 8/18/2026 11:06pm

"Whoah, kitty!"

Meshmesh strains at his reins. He wants to run.

"Easy, boy."

Meshmesh curls and pops his claws on the mossy forest floor. Really tearing it up.

There! Through the goggles I can make out the extra shadow in the wood. The one that doesn't belong there.

"Giddyup, Meshmesh!"

The Pretender 4/22/2026 11:49pm

"You can't touch me, you know!" @Queen Abigail called down the crystal corridors. "It would be the end of both of us!"

Duh. Why did she think I was here?

I slink down the narrow aisles between a row of mirrors. In my catsuit. It's like being an a clothing shop, but they accidentally replaced all the racks of clothes with more mirrors.

"This is the only way we can live. At a distance! Come to me sister!" she called.

We weren't real sisters. Just entangled... concepts. That faced annihilation if we came in direct contact.

So why was she asking me to come to her? As soon as I got near enough, I'd--

She must have discovered a way to overcome me in the process. Explains why her security was so lax? This was all a trap.

The floor was dusty, dirty with occasional gum wrapper. A raft of dust bunnies drifted under the mirrors as she passed them on other side.The aisle right next to me.

I had to get out of there.

Queen Abigail 12/21/2025 11:55pm

Well I didn't figure SHE would be here.

NO I didn't put her on the guest list. In fact she was on the ANTI guest list.

Yeah well I can't micromanage every person in the chain, can I? I'm the friggin HIGHNESS. That's why I hire you. To manage the little things.

Well you make sure of it. Meanwhile... yeah it's hard to keep track of her in the Hall of Crystal Vision. Especially since she looks just like me. I keep getting us confused.

What? YES I'm using the glasses. How else do you think I--never mind. I need a drink.

Shesmetet 8/24/2025 9:29pm

My kittens! My kittens!

Why barkest thou?

Who of your prey is escaping?

Which amongst you shall talk?

Our weave of curses in incomplete

In this Hall of Crystal Vision

Find her! Chase!

The Pretender 5/2/2025 10:20pm

Why do they call it a catsuit? I heard it's from some old TV show. But it does make you feel slinky.

All the guests are mesmerized by damn cat statuettes. All except her highness, who has slipped out the back. Everyone's minds are so frozen and stiff--crystalizing from the spell--but it's easy to slink between them and into the hall of mirrors that surround us.

Which way did she go? It's hard to know when she looks just like me.

Karl Uwe 1/8/2025 10:28pm

Excuse me? Hi, uh, that's my name there, on that name tag, right in front of that handsome little cat statuette. May I?

I've never really been to one of these before. Queen's birthday jubilee that is. Awards dinners, sure. Boooo-ring, amirite?

I did think I'd get a better seat. But I guess we should be able to see her Highness, way down there at the head of the table.

I own the company that cleans her majesty's pools. At the palace. So, you know, a show of appreciation. We do give the crown quite a deal, but it's a honor, you know? To serve, in however we can.

So, you?

THE PRETENDER you say? A musical performer?

Oh, no, I can't say I knew the Queen had a twin sister. I don't really stay up with the tabloids.

That certainly is a sparkly cat statuette. I don't think I've ever seen anything so... so....

What? Don't look at it? Oh don't be silly, it's gorgeous. Hey, do you think it's like a party gift? We get to take ours home with us? Now THAT would be something. I know just the place of it, in my office....

But wow, just look at that sparkle... just look.... I.... I....

Kyle Gallant 9/13/2024 11:15pm

"If you're just joining us, we're here at the, well, are we right to call it the 'first ever' red carpet broadcast from Queen Abigail's court, Claire?"

"Yes, that's right, Kyle. This is the very first time we're taking a taking a peek at her Highness's birthday guests as they arrive from their various duchies and baronies and viscounties from their beautiful carriages and make their way to the Hall of Crystal Vision, where the party is being held this year."

"And who do we have here, Claire? It's hard to tell...."

"Yes it is Kyle. This particular guest is wrapped in so many dark, gauzy veils it's hard to.... oh my..."

"Oh... uh... Isn't that..."

"She's cheated death many times before, Kyle. It's--"

"THE PRETENDER!"

"And she's holding an invitation!"

"I think this only shows just how magnanimous her Highness is, Kyle."

"Well, they are sisters, Claire."

"And twins at that!"

"Now we'll need to take a quick moment for station identification, while Claire and I recover..."

"Tee hee hee! Oh Kyle."

Old Ginny 5/23/2024 10:53pm

Oh I do wish her Highness's cargo of utmost importance would arrive because it's almost time for her Royal Birthaday Celebration! These place settings will be incomplete without the proper bejeweled and dazzling party favors, won't they? One set out for every lucky guest, staring into their eyes while they consume their--

Oh I say too much. But her majestic jubilee just can't go on without them, it really can't!

Maven 1/30/2024 8:13pm

This present year 1453, her Highness Queen Abigail called upon me to deliver a cargo of utmost importance. She placed with her cargo a guard of 20 men, all armed. I know not the contents of the massive crate her Highness bestowed upon me, nor what this journey entails, but I pray to the Lord that we shall not encounter any difficulties on our voyage.

Mick Ricky - 1/28/2024 11:21pm

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