Thot Slayerearliest post first | most recent post first
I've reported the obviously immoral if not illegal job we've taken transporting iguana tails to the Bermuda Triangle that @Hugo accepted on the ship's behalf, and I can't get anybody to care! I'm in direct communication with Joy, the HR paralegal representative they've assigned to me on a very wide range of topics and have been sending her close to 15 emails a day noting potential infractions of the Leading through Caring guidelines that I've submitted, as well as a number of suggestions not mentioned in the Leading through Caring guidelines about how the ship could be operating more efficiently, on a karmic basis, but this particular message I clearly marked URGENT in the subject line, which I only reserve for the most pressing "front burner" priorities we need to be concentrated on as a crew. It got the same autoresponse as all the others.
So I took a saunter up to the HR deck to find Joy and see where she was with my requests, and the whole department is on shore leave in Port Neslon! In fact, now that I look around, the entire crew is! Why didn't anyone tell me?
Guess I'll need to get to shore if I want to continue our program of continuous improvement.
I accept the job
My presentation didn't go over as well as I thought it would. Why did they even invite me if they weren't interested in post-colonial fashions and trends? Looking at all those old white grumpy faces in the audience I knew they weren't down with it, but I didn't think they'd pull the plug on my mic. And projector.
Luckily, however, I have such a big twitter following that they couldn't just disappear me, so instead they've sent me back to the Thot Slayer with my own personal handler, who's there to report on my activity and I assume actually stop me from doing anything they don't want me doing,
Which is why I am officially releasing my manifesto on ████ at exactly ████████.
Job claimed by Hugo 2019-01-16 20:17:06
Good day, maties!
It would be of great gratitude and honor to anyone who would be able to ship five pounds (5 lbs.) of iguana tails to Port Nelson in Rum Cay. If I am not mistaken it is in the Bahamas, right along the Bermuda Triangle. I would need it shipped in the next 10 decades or so, but feel free to take your time! I hear the Bahamas will beautiful this season, at least in my timeline.
Well lucky me! Guess who's headed to the Colonial Symbolism Symposium and Colloquium? That's right! ME! I mean, and the crew of the Thot Slayer. They're apparently on this big diversity kick, and word of my progressive attitudes (not to mention snazzy new uniforms) seems to have gotten around. So, I'm getting my deck ready, and practicing all my TED Talk hand gestures.
I'm just so happy that a formerly stodgy old place like the Colonial Symbolism Symposium and Colloquium is interested in hearing about new ideas. Because I'm just full of them.
Full steam ahead! TO THE COLLOQUIUM!!!
First day of the new, gender neutral uniforms! Inez, the ship's seamstress, was happy to work on the project, and actually had designs that she'd been sitting on for years! I guess their time had come. Plus, the old uniforms were looking pretty ratty after being repaired and resized for so long.
Anyway, we ended up using the drapes lining the curved stairwell on the observation deck. I don't know why they even had the drapes, as it was blocking such a beautiful view. Now the entire crew has been fitted out in sharp looking yet highly functional gray jumpsuits, with reinforced shoulder pads on top of a triangular padded breast-plate, and plenty of pockets for all those airship tools. Even a hoop to hang that airship ball-peen hammer! I swear this will make a huge difference not only in our operational efficiency, but in how we're perceived as we go about our work as Ambassadors of the Air!
What goes completely unaddressed is the entire male-centric aspect about the whole thing. Military order, uniforms with officer hats that have no room for your hair... when they let women in I swear it's just because they get off on seeing them dressed up like SS officers or something. The only way to play along is with a riding crop and an attitude and just indulge all their male fantasies, even if they don't realize it's exploitative or weird. To them it's just how it is--the whole popular airship culture. Well I've had it, and I'm going to do something about it.
Also, the "rank" thing. Captians, First Mates, Second Mates, Third Mates (they have those?), Quartermasters, Boatswains, Powder Monkeys, Able Airshipmen, Wipers (I KNOW!!!). I mean, I understand not EVERYBODY could be captain because we'd never get anywhere, but couldn't things be a bit more consensus driven? And I think everybody would be a bit more well rounded if we spent time in different positions, you know, navigator today and surgeon tomorrow?
The whole fact that we have this obviously military system seems sketchy. Are we at war here? Who are we fighting? Well I'll tell you it's US--all these ranks of oppression with no real enemy in sight means we've turned the system against ourselves, and made ourselves the enemy. Because what's the punishment for insubordination? That's right--keel hauling! Which is just as dangerous in the air as it is in the water.
Ok but what's with the uniforms? I mean, I'm willing to believe that airships just on their own aren't giant symbols of crypto-imperialism, but why do we all have to wear these uniforms? I was getting fitted for mine, and I have to admit the epaulettes are pretty swishy, but isn't that just another symbol of military and authoritarian oppression that we're whitewashing by decontextualizing it in this way? I asked Inez, the ship's seamstress, and she says she's just thankful to have a job, so who am I to be critical? I guess I'll just wear a uniform and fly around in a giant airship and pretend I'm not sucking out the last dregs of privilege left over as booty from 100 years of worldwide exploitation.
So I was convinced by the very nice HR person at Zephyr Air Transport that all the Colonial Symbolism that they utilize has been thoroughly vetted and laundered through state-of-the-art post-appropriation mechanisms, not to mention completely immersed in proprietary meta-irony compounds before being allowed contact with the public, and there was no danger of succumbing to any kind of "creeping rot" or other sleepy fascist/imperial tendencies through exposure to it. So I'm finally ready to sign up, and just as soon as I finish up this big bowl of ice cream I'm heading down the to the recruitment bureau to take my physical. See you there!