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I’m thrilled to have been accepted as the newest crew member of the Thot Slayer! They were so accommodating about letting me take time off right away, on account of the vacation I already had planned. I’ll be starting school as soon as I return, which is full time, and if everything goes according to plan I’ll graduate in about three years. After that I’m scheduled for a graduate program, which will last another two, followed by a stint in the Forever Corps, which is how I’m planning on paying back my student loans. The Forever Corps, as you know, is the government’s time-travel aid agency, which travels deep into the future and the past delivering aid and working on strategic development projects in the timeline. I hear my placement will be in timeline Melinda 2-A, which is supposedly the up and coming “it” timeline, so I’m really honored to have been picked.
So, just as soon as all that is wrapped up, I’ll be super excited to officially start my first day on the Thot Slayer!
Good evening Thot Slayer crew members. I have arrived to inform you that I have joined this ship's lovely crew.
I am here to inform you that your job has been accepted by me! Thank you for informing me about the aggressiveness of the cats. As for the long nails, I will most likely cut them in order to avoid damage. This is just a precaution as my insurance doesn't cover extreme cat scratches.
Job claimed by Professor Grape Face 2018-04-26 18:32:01
I need three cats delivered to Felinis. Be extremely cautious, it is unknown if they are aggressive. They're like little invisible ninjas. Oh, and their claws haven't been clipped since last year. Good luck.
Hey there Buckaroos! A mighty thanks for accepting my job--transporting a small herd of the wildest buckin' seahorses in the Seven Seas to the Grand International Oceanic Stock Show in Atlantia in time for the big hoedown next month. But it looks like Moe's takin' some time off, and wasn't sure if this job got handed off properly there on the ol' Thot Slayer. Are you skypokes headin' my way to get these sea ponies to the underwater rodeo on time or what? Let me know, because if these buckin' beauties don't make it to the show on time there'll be heck to pay!
Glad to be aboard the crew of the prestigious Thot Slayer. I will have to take the first two weeks of to visit my family in the Finger Lakes. I snuck off to join this crew so I'll have to go back to let them know I got a job. They'll be worrying about me, people go missing in the Finger Lakes. After that of course I can be on board 24/7 !! Great to be on board.
Job claimed by Moe Slamberry 2018-01-26 10:53:58
Hey Buckaroos! I've got a stablefull of the nastiest, rootin' tootin'est feral seahorses that ever appeared at an underwater rodeo, and they've got to make it to the Grand International Oceanic Stock Show in Atlantia in time for the big hoedown next month. Oh there'll be mermaids and mermen, sirens and selkies, invisible dogs and corn on a stick! If you're not already headed there I'd suggest it for sure, and if you are already headed there, and are able to transport 5 seahorse trailers full of sea water, a handful of handlers, and 10 of the wildest, wooliest, most bucking seahorses you've ever seen, then we're in business! Our ranch is in the tropical shallows just 10 degrees north of the Farina Islands. Look for our bright orange floating enclosure, and tell 'em Dick sent ya.
Naeer, thot slayer, reporting for duty
Thot Slayer is ready to take this head-on! You can depend on the worlds best thot slayers to get your order to you, safe as can be.
Job claimed by Goldenchomper 2018-01-24 12:38:56
I need someone to transport my large collection of Charlie's Charming Clams figurines! I need someone who will treat my cargo with the utmost care! Treat them as if they were alive! They are not actually alive, of course, that would be most ridiculous, as these are merely figurines of all the characters from the popular series Charlie's Charming Clams. Very rare figurines, so keep your paws off them! Don't even open them. They might make some noise but I assure you, it's just settling. It is completely normal and not at all suspicious. You may have heard rumors that I was involved in a very unsavory business transporting items that were not exactly legal, ethical, moral, or a combination of those three. Those rumors are completely false and were spread by my competitors to destroy my reputation. You, of course, have nothing to worry about as this job contains nothing illegal, unethical, or immoral. Just my collection of Charlie's Charming Clams figurines! The payment will be decided once you deliver the UNOPENED containers to me, at my mansion. Please use the utmost discretion. Nothing is suspicious, I am just a very private man. The containers can be picked up from my summer home. Knock twice on the back door at any time between 10 pm and 2 am, and ask for Jeoffery. Any breach in the terms described here will result in cancellation of payment and a potential lawsuit.
Ares F. Chowbury, Esq.