Zeppelin Zoologicaearliest post first | most recent post first
PREVIOUSLY ON THE IMPOSSIMEN:
CUSTOMS CLERK: I'm sorry madam, but your papers are not in order...
MARMIE: Oh, perhaps what I have here in my breast pocket?
CUSTOMERS CLERK: Yes?
MARMIE: Brass knuckles!
DIDEL: Can't this thing go any faster, Grinni?
GRINNI: Not if you want to stay on this road!
PREHEN: Quick my friends! Come this way if you want to live!!!!
Now, back to our scansorial story....
Oh, yes! Do come in! Join us! We've heard about you. Taking the grand tour of Captain @weiss' grand menagerie, are you? Well why not join us in a hand? My fellow Impossimen and I were just wishing we had a fourth.
Excuse me? You haven't heard of we Impossimen before? Well I suppose we have been camped out on the Zeppelin Zoologica too long if people have forgotten about us already! Am I right, my Impossimen?
You just have a seat and I'll get you a drink, and tell you about how we first met the captain, way off in the wild frontier of the Opossum Republic...
Welcome to the Tank Room! So nice to have you! We don't get many visitors down here, since we keep it so warm and so wet. But Captain @weiss is terribly accommodating. Few airships would agree to an aquatic habitat with tanks this large, and it allows us to take part in this voyage of exploration in the comfort we are accustomed to.
Well, I keep saying "we" but really I consumed all the other tank residents quite some time ago.
You haven't got any snacks, have you? Don't be alarmed by my long boney snout and all these teeth. I assure you I have total control, and can even open a sack of crisps with these chompers, if that's what you have with you. Do you?
Hey! Come back! You haven't even seen the stonework around my night nest! Just come take a look over edge of the pool... Don't leave!!
Pssst! Hey! Could you give me a spray?
I slipped out of the captain's aero-terrarium and haven't been able to find my way back, and the air's just been so dry.
Hope you don't mind me just plopping onto your shoulder like this. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Brixi, part of a small colony of sky stars (Ophiura Caelum Sentientis) who were rescued by the captain some months ago. We'd taken up residence on the underbelly of the balloon, behind the gondola, and it really was a lovely set up for some time, following along with the Zeppelin Zoologica on its remarkable adventures. But then some busy body crew member found us back there and had scraped a good number of our colony off into the clouds before the captain heard our plaintive cries and invited the remainder of us to take up residence in his grand aero-terrarium, where we could converse and share our knowledge as the proper explorers we are! Not to mention all the aeroplankton we could eat!
Still, the captain does generally leave our accommodations locked -- more for our own safety than the ship's, the captain assures us -- but, being a student of exploration myself, I just couldn't help but slip out and look around a bit! But I've had trouble finding my way back, and the interior of the ship is rather drying to the skin, don't you think?
So, if you've got a little spray bottle, or even some sparkling water on a hanky... oh yes... yes! That's it! Oooooo I feel my spines refreshing already....
My that new bigfooted crew member is a sweet slurp of milk let me tell you!
As chief cosmetologist on the Zeppelin Zoologica, I have the pleasure of keeping all the crew looking sharp! Which is a job I am perfectly suited for, being in all appearances a bit fat gelatinous blob that lives to feed off the dirt and particulates and dead skin and worm poop that gets on you. Which is why when you come to my spa on the Zeppelin Zoologica I sit on your head and ooze down between your follicles, then out over your extremities to nibble your nails and your cuticles into submission.
So let me tell you this 8 foot hairy bad boy has been a delight! Days in my spa room and I'm still finding impacted dirt and petrified lice and bacteria the likes of which modern science has ever known. And it is DELICIOUS.
I swear you'll never recognize this hairy beast once I'm through. Well, except for the height... and all the hair... and those big, big feet. But virtually odor free! Except for the naturally occurring musk, which is strong, yet calming to inhale.
Hi. We're a sentient flock of Minor Pflemergin -- just one of the many pets Captain @weiss keeps aboard. We inhabit the big bell jar on the navigation table. We can fit in here because each of us is really only very small. But we swarm to fill the volume of whatever space we're in.
They say we're good luck to keep next to your navigation station. And it's even more good luck to blow us a kiss. Pick up the bell jar slightly -- just tilt it back a little! -- and then you can blow your kiss inside down below.
Do it! Lift up the jar! Do it now!
After a few months of not working, the communications system is back online. Thanks to the help of the honorable Lieutenant Denkt, the navigations system is online again as well. Without the much-needed help, I probably would have reentered the Bermuda Triangle and circled around in there for even longer than I already have.
As for my log entry before my disappearance, my client in the redwood forests of California was quite a strange fellow. He stood about eight feet high, was covered head to toe in hair, spoke about as well as a two year old and had the largest feet I have ever seen. While I can't be certain, I do belive that he is the elusive "bigfoot" that we have all heard about. After I delivered his massive shoes, he seemed to want to board my ship. After a quick briefing of the Zephyr Air Transport code, a new member of the Zeppelin Zoologica climbed aboard. While his hygiene practices are... very few to say the least, it is nice to have Squatch B. Foot as company aboard the ship, even if he smells like he has never had a bath.
Dear Capt. @weiss,
Now that the new navigation system has been successfully delivered by The NImble Shroud, I'm requesting permission to take command of The Nimble Shroud and look into the mystery of her missing crew and captain, Capt. @katelynn.
I promise to report back regularly. But, after bringing our new navigation system to us it's the least we can do.
Currently onboard The NImble Shroud
I walked out of the market with a little more than the necessary parts I needed... Just a couple of extra books, a couple of shelves, and a model of "The Comet", the fastest zeppelin on the earth. After hoisting up my treasure trove of clutter, I noticed a letter pinned to the bottom of the rope ladder. The envelope was tattered and torn, splashed with mud and covered in several random stamps from different time periods. There was no return address, but it was clearly labeled "Mr. Weiss Captain Human". Interesting choice of words.
I opened it to find an aged slip of paper adorned with oddly placed words in awful handwriting. It read:
"I hear you that take things rare to everywhere places. Size 23 shoes size need in forest with many red big tree. leave money in under rock by biggest tree. thanks for the helpful, Squatch B. Foot."
It took some turning the letter around and figuring out the order of the words, but I worked out that there is a person in need of very large shoes, in the redwood forest in California. By the biggest one, I assumed the sender means General Sherman, the 2000 year old behemoth of a tree. I've always wanted to go there anyways, so I hopped in my blimp, fired up the new rotors with some new dashboard components, and set off for California, to meet the mysterious individual who sent the messy letter.
I have just left Ireland, and am adrift above the Atlantic. A report will be made once the job is complete.
Signing off, Captain Weiss
As I dock above the streets of Dublin to try and find parts for my delightful dirigible, I can't help but notice that people are looking up and laughing. I felt a sense of pride at first, thinking that people were amazed at my ship, but then I realized: they were laughing AT me. I tried not to blush as I climbed down the rope ladder into the streets.
"You got that old junker, eh? The one that crazy old bloke made?" someone shouted to me in a heavy accent.
"I am amazed that you can even get that heap off the ground, being made of hides and all!", he said before breaking out into peals of laughter. The previous owner of the ship had made quite a name for himself. It was true, though. The Zeppelin Zoologica's balloon was made of a patchwork of thick leathers. The name does not lie, zoologica means "of animals" in latin.
I walked past the man, now on his knees laughing deep, hearty laughs. I tried to keep my head down as I made my way to the market, in search of a new fin and some piping. I have a feeling this is not the last time I have an encounter like this.