SHIP'S LOG:

The Redmane

Kendall Warren 2/3/2025 11:09pm

"So..." said captain @Ace Boeman. "What exactly were we supposed to do with this reindeer kidney?"

The Land of Salty Silver Fruits shimmered all around us. The sky danced with northern lights, and the silver fruits tinkled in the trees in all directions. The captain clutched the Watoobian reindeer kidney, still wrapped in cheesecloth, like a burrito.

"And no, I'm not going to eat it," said the captain.

Truth be told, I wasn't myself sure what to do with the burrito -- er, kidney -- at this juncture. My knowledge of Watoobian mythology was perhaps not as extensive as I'd wished. Aside from the single reference I'd found in carved in ancient bark*, I didn't have any further information. Just that a reindeer could return The Land of Salty Silver Fruits if we presented it. We'd done everything the inscription called for. Now we were on our own.

"Well," I said. "Remember that our goal is to retrieve Buttercream, staff reindeer at the College of Cryptozoology and last male of his race, who had passed from this plane and on to the Glorious Fields of Eflebum--The Land of Salty Silver Fruits. Which we have discovered."

"Passed?," asked the navigator, now even less drunk than usual. "You mean died?"

"Yes, and perhaps of the last of his kind," I answered.

"Like, literally went to the Land of Salty Silver Fruits?"

"Well, its spirit. The body was preserved for display in our Watoobian room."

"So the reindeer body is in your museum. But if we brought the kidney here..."

"Sounds a bit like a Monkey's Paw scenario," said the captain, pondering the kidney.

The idea of a taxidermy Buttercream stumbling around the museum was a bit unnerving.

"Wouldn't be able to see through those glass eyes very well I wouldn't think," added the captain.

I really didn't know what to say.

"Onward!" I said. "Macaron said something about scenting his people. That way."




* "an 'rgan fair, did shape liketh an fusty bean, beest did present, wrapp'd in cheesecloth, at the Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the W'rld, which is a big hole in the n'rth wh're the ocean falls through." From shard number 27 in the Ancient Bark Archives, Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 10/7/2024 10:03pm

Macaron was not Watoobian, but he ran just like one.

"Just how fast can a Watoobian reindeer run?" asked the navigator. Did he permanently reek of alcohol?

"Faster than all other reindeer combined," I said. "Or so the stories go..."

There was a trail of sparkle in the air through the trees in the direction Macaron the Reindeer had taken off in. The flowers and silver fruits tinkled and the sky was filled with rainbows.

"Wait," asked one of the team members. Josh I think his name is. "What do you mean 'all other reindeer combined?' That doesn't make any grammatical sense. Do you mean 'faster than any other reindeer?' So why not just say that?"

Cryptozoologists like myself are used to dealing with such backwards notions.

"No, the stories are quite clear. A Watoobian reindeer can run faster than all other reindeer combined. So, the running speed of each living reindeer, added together cumulatively, would still not be as great as the speed of a single Watoobian reindeer."

"But only if it wants to," I added. "And besides, Macaron is not Watoobian."

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 6/16/2024 11:03pm

The fact that Macaron the Reindeer had suddenly gained the power of speech was alarming in itself.

"Tis truly The Land of Salty Silver Fruits!" Macaron continued, further injuring us with his hooves as he stood up. And he wasn't wrong. The Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the World was nowhere to be seen. Our googles had been disheveled in the fall, but there seemed no need for them now. Gone was the mesmerizing prismatic spray, replaced with an idyllic landscape of mossy tundra and flowering trees, blossoms drifting softly in the air. Aurora still filled the sky above us, but there was no ice or snow to be seen.

"My people! Their scent dances upon the breeze! This way!"

Macaron galloped off down a path between the flowering trees.

And each of the trees bore silver fruit the size of plums or apricots.


Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 2/25/2024 11:20pm

OOOOF!

After tumbling through the sky, we found ourselves deposited on a bed of mossy tundra.

OOOOF! OOOOF! OOOOF!

Captain @Ace Boeman, the navigator, myself, and our small team landed somewhat on top of one another, but miraculously no one was hurt. Until Macaron the Reindeer landed on top of us.

CRASH!

"Ooooooo!!!" said Macaron, looking around. "The Land of Salty Silver Fruits!"

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 10/28/2023 11:58pm

"The kidney!" I cried.

"OooooooOOOOOooooooOOOO!!!" bellowed the reindeer.

We were all floating in the air above the The Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the World, apparently falling up, all of us flailing and struggling, trying to swim and kick to no avail.

"OooooooOOOOOooooooOOOO!!!" bellowed the reindeer again, just as helpless as the rest of us.

The navigator attempted to kick off, using my head as a backstop. This did give him enough force to push captain @Ace Boeman forward through the air, directly towards the Watoobian reindeer kidney, wrapped up like a burrito and floating gently away.

"Got it!" called the captian.

Meanwhile, the navigator's boot to my head had dislodged my prismatic goggles, and I had no choice to but to look directly at the mesmerizing rainbow frequencies that filled the air all around us. Now, the mesmerizing rainbow frequencies were smoothing out and taking broad shapes, like great curves or petals, guiding us...

"It's like a damn water slide!" called the captain as we all plunged into the abyss.


Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Jordan Turner 7/24/2023 10:35pm

"Uh... they're all... floating up?"

We were watching the landing party from the bridge. They were busy at the altar, and the reindeer started to bellow, and suddenly they just all started floating straight up. Into the empty space above the big rock we were parked on.

"Yeah, I see that. Captain left you in charge."

Avery was never much help in a tight spot.

We watched their relatively tiny bodies floating up, scrambling around in the air with their feet and hands like they were drowning. Even Macaron the reindeer. More bellowing, and everybody was yelling at each other. The scientist seemed to lose hold of the kidney, and it was floating around like a burrito.

"So, whatcha gonna do?" asked Avery.

I had no orders to do anything with the ship. And pulling anchor and flying closer seemed a bit rash.

"Oh wow, man, check it out." Avery had removed their prismatic goggles.

"Hey, we're really not supposed to do that."

"No! Seriously! Check it out!"

So, against my better judgment, I lifted up one side of my prismatic goggles. Just a peek.

"Oh my god." I think I said. "It's like... a giant flower... a lily.... made of rainbows..."

"And they're sliding right down into it," said Avery, cool as ever.

Kendall Warren 4/7/2023 11:51pm

The anchor held fast. On account of the magnetism. And the prismatic goggles held fast to my face. On account of how tight they were.

Warily, the landing party of The Redmane descended the rope ladders. A single reindeer -- Macaron -- was lowered down by winch to act as interpreter if necessary.

We trudged along the barren landscape towards the altar. According to the navigator (currently less drunk than usual), the entire floating island may once have been a giant meteorite. With our prismatic goggles in place, the whole scene was rather dreary, like plodding across the moon. It was terribly hard not to take a peek from under the prismatic goggles, but I had experienced first hand the irresistible pull of the mesmerizing rainbow effect.

Finally, we made it to the primitive construction at the center of it all. The Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the World. I couldn't believe we were finally here.

"Captain, if you would." I said.

Captain @Ace Boeman lifted up the heavy reindeer kidney containment and transportation unit and placed it on the ancient stone altar. He keyed in the access code and it popped open with a hiss.

Ever so gently, the Captain removed the Watoobian reindeer kidney with his gloved hands, and placed it on the cheesecloth I'd laid out on the altar.

Ever so carefully, I wrapped the kidney in the cheesecloth. Like making a burrito.

Our reindeer began to ululate.

That is when things got especially strange.

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 1/1/2023 11:27pm

"Prismatic goggles are an ORDER!" captain @Ace Boeman barked at me.

It's not like I was refusing, but the rainbows were... mesmerizing. I didn't want to do anything to lessen their intensity...

"NOW!" the captain cried, leaping at my face.

As we crossed over the icy ledge of Symmes's Hole, the sky became rainbows. The air in front of me became rainbows. I moved my hand in front of my face and little rainbows swirled.

The entire universe was rainbows. Energy, vibrations, frequencies, light.... It all made so much sense. We were all just tubes of energy, watching the flow...

"Errrgh! Umph!" said the captain.

The captain must have put googles in place for me. No more rainbows. Before us was only a huge platform of rock, floating in space. With some kind of crude altar at the center.

"Bring us in," said the captain. "Heavy iron anchor, as near as you can place it."

The anchor landed with a clang.


Checking in,

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 10/8/2022 10:26pm

Snooping around the navigator's desk I found these notes scrawled on a yellow legal pad. The illustrations were quite beautiful which is why I have included the attached photo.

_________________________________

SYMMES HOLE (NORTH)

The circumference of which may be found one degree northward of latitude 82, where the explorer will find the edge of the icy circle, open some twelve or sixteen degrees (4000 to 6000 miles wide). The mid-plane space exudes such tremendous amounts of steam and airborne particles of moisture that the ensuing fog limits visibility to no more than the nose on one's face! Unless of course it is the nose of our fair Captain @Ace Boeman, which is quite large. In addition, navigational aids such as compass and enchanted herringbones will fail upon crossing this mass which extends as a mighty frozen waterfall as far as the eye can see in either direction.

At this point the explorer must follow the rainbows to the towering altar, which provides the only safe entry to the mid-plane space.

_________________________________

We continue to head north, I and spend my time keeping watch from the observation deck for rainbows, and mollifying the increasingly skittish reindeer.

Sincerely,

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology

Kendall Warren 7/26/2022 10:50pm

Our journey to the Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the World has proceeded somewhat slowly, mostly on account of the (non-Watoobian) reindeer along for the mission insisting on finding their long lost cousins. As it is summer grazing season in the fertile regions below, the reindeer on board begin stomping and snorting until we let them out to run and gather information on their family trees. Captain @Ace Boeman has been very accommodating, perhaps because this means less reindeer dung and urine accumulating on the ship's decks.

The issue of the exact location of Altar of the Rainbow at the Endeth of the World (and the adjacent hole in the North where the water falls through, which we believe to be the entrance to "Land of Salty Silver Fruits") remains in question. This is because of the somewhat outdated sources we are working from, but also that the navigator of the Redmane appears to be drunken most of the time.

Sincerely,

Kendall Warren
Chief Reindeer Wrangler
Manchester College of Cryptozoology