SHIP'S LOG:

bonerabbit

Oliver Whitehead III 9/11/2024 7:58pm

"All that I can see from this butte, I claim in the name of the Celestial Presidents!"

Yes, it's true, I could have picked a clearer day, as my aide-de-camp pointed out.

"Well, just use the equation," I said. "The square root of the altitude multiplied by 1.225. Didn't they teach that in aide-de-camp school?"

"Well then why didn't we do it from the air? You know, up in the giant destroyer class bomber zeppelin?"

"That would be cheating," I said. "Everyone knows that. Your feet have to be touching the same ground as all the land you can see from it."

My aide-de-camp got out a slide rule and a pencil compass and drew it on the map.

"That's perfect!" I said.

"It's a circle. Kind of hard to defend...."

"Not when it connects up with all the other bubbles. And we don't need to defend it. We're just here to claim it all first."

We both looked out towards the plains. You could still see a long way.

"And so, that truck stop?" I asked.

"It's a mini-mall, admiral."

"Yes, that. Think they've got a frozen yogurt?"

"I don't know, sir."

"Well then let's get up in that giant destroyer class bomber zeppelin and find out!"

"The inhabitants could take that the wrong way, sir. They've been pretty ambivalent about the fleet, but if we take the biggest one, brimming with cannon and nets full of bombs..."

"Ah, I see they did teach you something at aide-de-camp school," I said. "We'll take the Bonerabbit instead."

Gayle Parker 5/21/2024 11:01pm

"Little Timothy, what do you have there?"

"The Ice Cream Blimp came by! I used my allowance."

"Ice Cream Blimp? Well, all their items are packaged for individual sale, so I'm sure it's safe. What did you choose?"

"A Celestial President! They're the best!"

"You take that out of your mouth right now and throw it in the trash."

"Aw, mom!!! But I got Garth! And he's super rare! ULTRA sour."

"I will not have that abomination inside my house! Or inside a child of mine. You put that in the trash and wash out your mouth immediately."

"Not supposed to put 'em in the trash. You need to bury them outside with a slice of onion if you don't finish them."

"That is exactly why they are not allowed in our family. That kind of nonsense. Into the trash can right away, and then upstairs for a bath to get all of that wretched... ooze off of your face."

"Awwwww mom."

"NOW. Or there will be no allowance this week. Or for the rest of the month."

"Grmmble gmmmbl grmmdl..."

"What did you say?"

"Okayyyyyy,"

captxin 1/28/2024 11:28am

entry one - claimed a job. we’ll see.

Tu Satterfield - 12/28/2023 10:33pm

Job claimed by captxin 2024-01-28 11:28:39

Iced Novelties in the shapes of the Seven Celestial Presidents? SHOULDN'T THAT BE ILLEGAL??!!

Maybe, but they're the most popular iced novelties sold in stores today -- and we've got trouble keeping them on the shelves!

That's where YOU come in. Do you have:

A fast ship?
Refrigeration?
A healthy disrespect for superstitious nonsense?

Then stop by our frozen flagship factory on Desert Isle 12 and become part of our distribution chain today!

And remember -- there's NO SUCH THING as the Celesital President's Curse. We know, because we trapped it and sealed it away where it will never be unleashed. Again.