SHIP'S LOG:

Steampunk to hell

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Luz Dunkel 2/25/2025 10:25pm


"This isn't the Steampunk to Hell?" I asked. It was the only airship I knew the name of.

"Oh my goodness," replied the captain. "This grand ship? I'd be offended if I felt you knew any better." Then she gave me a wink.

She was quite the airship captain, sprawled in her captain's chair in her cape and goggles and tall leather boots.

"The Shaken Mullet Top, at your service," she stood up and bowed gracefully. "And you can call me Rose."

She seemed nice, and wasn't putting me on. She took my arm and led me out the bridge and to the observation deck. We were below the clouds and above the tops of the trees. It was still night, but you could make things out.

"Now, you've met with The Owl, you say? And tell me about this bag..."






Luz Dunkel 10/29/2024 10:23pm


I made it across the top of the airship and to the hatch without slipping. All the way on my hands and knees.

"You first," he gestured down the hatch. There was a tiny ladder. "And don't try any funny business."

There was another one at he bottom of the ladder.

"Hey, watch it," I said.

"She's clean," he said.

"Oh!" I remembered. "My Impossibag. It fell. Off the side."

They both laughed.

"Well you'll need to say goodbye to your bag," said the one who brought me down.

"No," I said, "Don't you see? That's the whole reason I got here. The owl--"

That got their attention.

"You can tell it to the captain," he said.






Luz Dunkel 7/7/2024 10:19pm


THUNK

The heavy buckle hit me in the head, but it didn't roll off. It was connected to a thick strap.

"Real carefully..." said the guy who was yelling at me, "wrap that around your chest. Use one hand at a time."

I was already completely terrified, but it seemed the smart thing to do. I got the buckle end under me with one hand, and pulled it out the other side with the other.

"Now, just clip it on to the tether, and pull it tight. Under your arms."

It was doable. I noticed the other end of the tether was buckled to a handle built into the ship. This guy was strapped to one too, but didn't seem to have a problem standing up straight.

"Ok, you're secured. Still no fun if you slip, but you're not going to fall. So, now, hands and knees, follow me."






Luz Dunkel 3/16/2024 6:40pm


It was hard to hold onto the Impossibag 3000 and not slide off the top of the airship.

Of course! The Impossibag 3000! The bottomless backpack prefilled with other people's junk, and a special inside pocket that automagically transported anything you put into it back to your dorm room back at Psyhigh. Or, in my case, back to my gingerbread house. And I already knew it was big enough for me to slide into. Me and a horse.

All I needed to do was open the bag and start to crawl in. Even if I slipped off the top of this airship and fell through the sky I would still have time to crawl in.

Just so long as I didn't let go of the bag...

"Freeze! Do not move! Put your hands where I can see them!"

A voice was shouting from behind me. How did they get up here?

"Uh, if I lift my hands I think I'll slide right off," I yelled back, not turning around. "But can you help me here?"

"I said PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"

He sounded serious. I began to slide myself around, face down, so I could show my hands...

And the Impossibag 3000 went over the side.






Luz Dunkel 11/19/2023 11:59pm


If you've never been on top of an airship in flight, then you should know it's a scary thing.

For one, you should always have a safety tether. And even when you do, it's still very unnerving, sitting on top of a great taunt gas balloon, curving away in all directions below you, smooth and slippery and gray with nothing to hold onto, nothing to help prevent you from slipping away over the side and falling, hundreds of feet above the surface of the earth.

I can say this now, as this all happened many years ago, before I was acquainted with the ways of the air and the Steampunk to Hell specifically -- when I was only a young hedge witch building full size gingerbread houses, and had only first met Anything Owl.

But at the time it was terrifying. And I had no safety tether. Instead, I lay spread eagled on the top of the Steampunk to Hell, holding onto the skin of the envelope with my mere fingertips, knowing that were I to release my gecko-like pawing of the membrane I would fall hundreds of feet to my death, or at the least a very uncomfortable mashing.

And it was there that I clung for dear life for what seemed an eternity, as the ship slowly made its way from the woods, and leaving ol Hexy, my trusty mount, no doubt placidly nibbling the forest grasses below.






Luz Dunkel 8/15/2023 11:23pm


@Jonesy Morgan was really getting on my nerves. Obviously a made up name for a pirate, dressed like a cartoon of a pirate, who had a big twiggy nest instead of a pirate ship.

"Oooooh arrrrrgh!" @Jonesy Morgan said, just to annoy me.

I had no obligation to him OR the ridiculous giant owl who started all this in the first place. I had my Impossibag back and it was time to leave. And ol' Hexy was faithfully waiting for me at the foot of this giant tree, no doubt.

Rather than make a scene, I just quietly slipped over the side of the giant nest...

and landed on top of an airship.








Luz Dunkel 5/4/2023 12:47pm


"Aye! Ye better suck your lemon, lest ye get the SCURVY!" the pirate captain said.

I didn't have a lemon. And I didn't see any in the big twig nest.

"That's because yer not thinking hard enough. About lemons! Har har har har!"

The rest of the pirates kept busy around the nest, with great energy, moving twigs around and sticking the big ones up like masts. But no sails.

We still didn't seem to be going anywhere. There was a breeze in the trees but the stars were staying in their places.

"What did I say about about not thinking hard enough, little missy? Har har har har!"






Luz Dunkel 1/21/2023 10:28pm


"Wait, are you the Pan? Isn't that what the Pan says? The 'straight on till morning?' stuff?"

The pirate looked disgusted. Then spat.

"Naive little nobbin!" he said. "Total idiot. Self-absorbed twat. Stubbornly ignorant of the big picture," he said.

It was then I noticed other pirates in the big twig nest, making themselves busy arranging the twigs, building little huts and walls and towers.

"Let go the halyard!" called the pirate. "Sheet home the sail! Make all!"

The pirates got busy, but it was a sort of pantomime.

"Arrrrrr! Don't that feel good to be out on the sail again?" said the pirate.

The tree tops of the forest swayed lightly in the breeze, and the stars stayed in their places.






Jonesy Morgan 10/26/2022 11:53pm


Aye! You're a pale one! Some kind of goblin, are ye? Some pallid minion of the owl's I presume?

Ah, no! Ahoy! What's this? A witch by the smell of ya. And a baby witch at that. The owl has never been afraid of a bit of child labor now, has he?

It's no matter. You're too late, anyway, and missed all the fun.

Because I've already taken full control of this nest and claimed her for myself and crew.

Avast, me hearties! Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning!






Luz Dunkel 8/8/2022 11:23pm


At least Anything Owl gave me back the Impossibag 3000.

"PLEASE. AND TAKE IT WITH YOU," said Anything Owl.

I didn't really intend to fight any pirates for Anything Owl. What would I care? It was Anything Owl who stole from me, with zero provocation, forcing me to spend all this time climbing the tallest tree in the wood, getting scratched by twigs, waiting in waiting rooms, and enduring some weird tirade about interlocking tables and fruit dynasties or something. Frankly it was all getting a bit hazy, but here I was with the Impossibag on my back and picking my way up through the twigs of to the very top of the mighty nest.

And, sitting there on the edge of the mighty nest, I found a pirate in the moonlight.






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