Matte Kudasai

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Billy Sabab 1/5/2020 1:59pm

"Hubblehubblehubblehubble. Hubblehubble!"

The King of the Fishmen can't stop kissing us.

"It's great to be heroes, isn't it Shipman Eva?"

"I'm just glad I'm wearing a helmet."

The crowd of fishpeople has been partying for hours, with the school of Bullfrog babies darting and swarming around them. The underwater version of fireworks (chemically reactive planktons) have been going off all around us, and the dancing, and the good-natured revelry-ing.

"Hubblehubblehubblehubble. Hubblehubblehubblehubble.'

"He can't stop thanking us for 'bringing the new era' and 'fulfilling the prophecy," says Shipman Eva.

"When did you have time to learn fishman talk?"

"It's a setting on the suit. You just have to read the welcome menu."

"Oh, yeah. Instructions aren't my thing."

All this way, and @Rose Nomenclature nowhere to be seen. Where did she end up?

"The headsup display also says we've got just enough oxygen left in the submersible to get to the surface."

"Well then I guess that's our cue!"

"Hubblehubblehubblehubble! Hubblehubble!"

"He says to take this barnacle encrusted box as a symbol of their everlasting gratitude."

"Uh, Thank you! Oh mighty king!"

"You don't have to shout," says Eva. "The translator works better at a normal speaking voice."

"Oh, thank you."


Billy Sabab 11/26/2019 7:53pm

"Why does the window keep fogging up?"

"Because you have your face pressed against it," Shipman Eva said. "Back up."

Our tiny submersible was floating just outside an ancient, barnacled coliseum, filled with fish people. We were just peeking over the top, and down below we could see the massive, no-longer-fossilized fish resting in the middle of the grand arena.

"Hububbblehububble! Hububblehubbublehubbublehubble! Hububble!"

And old fishman--perhaps their king of chief?--stood next to the dinosaur fish announcing something the crowd.


The crowd flapped their flippers wildly.

"Hubbuble. Hububblehubblehububblehububble. Hububblehubble!"

The giant armored prehistoric fish openened its mouth, and a hundred tiny fish babies swam out.

But, on second glance, they weren't fish babies.

They were frog babies. Bullfrog babies.

It was a hundred little versions of Le Bullfrog, the lurking, clammy passenger on our ship who gobbled up the fossilized fish skeleton that started all this mess.

And it looks like they spotted us.

Billy Sabab 10/14/2019 9:11pm

"Bring us right along side, Shipman Eva."

"Begging the captain's pardon, I really don't think that's a great idea. Sir."

"Aw, we'll be fine. We just saw Rose, er, I mean, the Egregore's captain, leap out of the ship in full diving gear and plunge into the ocean below. We know she's the only crew, so we're perfectly safe."

"@Rose Nomenclature doesn't seem like the kind of captain to just leave her barn door open. Sir."

"Barn door?"

"If you'll excuse the expression. Sir."

"Well, I just want to get close."


"To her SHIP. Bring us alongside, Shipman Ev------"



"Six spring loaded grappling arms, sir. Proximity trigger. They're holding us tight. No telling how deep they're dug in. We'll need to take a look before we try to pull away."

"Oh. Uh...."

"If this is what we got for just getting close, captain, I wouldn't suggesting trying to get any closer. To her ship. Sir."

"... Aye aye, Shipman Eva."

Billy Sabab 8/14/2019 11:14pm

"Keep your distance, Shipman Eva."

"Aye captain."

"But not too far. We need to beat it to the docks."

"Aye captain."

"But make sure it doesn't swing out and hit us with a fin or something."

"AYE AYE captain!"

The Fossilized Fish Skeleton wasn't fossilized any more. Or a skeleton. It was a gigantic prehistoric armor-plated fish-shaped killing machine, bigger than the buildings in downtown Destiny City. It was using its huge rigged flippers like feet, flopping and hurling itself towards the bay, smashing the office parks and museums on its way, knocking over the occasional Shining Spire with its great spiky tail, scooping up rooftop bars and penthouse apartments in its massive jaws.

The denizens of Destiny City screamed and ran for cover.

"Somebody must have gotten it wet. Do you know anything about that?" @Rose Nomenclature asked.

I imagined there must be bits of Le Bullfrog still remaining on the body of the giant creature. Being as the tiny fossil was inside him when it exploded into life.

"Uh... oh hey look, isn't that your ship?"

The Egregore was just ahead, anchored to a mooring mast in the blimpyards below.

"How do you know what my ship looks like?"

"Uh... time to drop the visiting captain off at her ship, Shipman Eva. We'll need to make it a quick stop."

"Aye captain."

Billy Sabab 7/15/2019 10:25pm

Fossilized Fish Skeleton, the placard read.

"Not just any fossilized fish skeleton," said the bookseller's tinny voice in my ear. "Perhaps the most voracious of all the fossilized mouths of yesterday on display here at the Voracious Mouths of Yesterday exhibit!"

I pushed up the googles so I could see better. The fossil sat on a little white display table, maybe 4 inches long. Small.

"It's small," I said.

Le Bullfrog leaned in next to me for a better look. His clammy brow stuck out between his scarf and hat. Sweaty. Big googley eyes.

"Ah, but look closely!" said the bookseller, still coming in loud and clear through the goggles. "Look at it through the goggles."

I slipped the goggles back down over my eyes and began to twiddle with the tiny knobs and levers. I was starting to get the feel for its various settings. Suddenly the head of the fossilized fish skeleton zoomed into close-up like it was about to devour me with its gigantic rows of razor sharp teeth, row after row after row...

"Argh!!!!!!" I cried, pulling the glasses off.

"Put the glasses back on," whispered the bookseller.

"You see," continued the bookseller, "the incredible detail, fractal-like. Almost too much even for the goggles. This voracious mouth was once far, far, bigger. Time and desiccation have forced it smaller and smaller through the years, compacting all that antediluvian ferocity into a smaller and smaller package. Still quite dangerous through. And priceless."

"It's not even under glass. How do they keep it safe?"

"Turn small dial number 2 counter-clockwise for two clicks, then move the spiral knob in and out."

Suddenly I could see a maze of pink laser beams around the table, and a shimmering translucent shell over the fossil. A forcefield.

"Now," continued the bookseller, "continue moving the spiral knob, but with your left hand, toggle top lever number four."

I followed his instructions. The lasers and forcefield suddenly winked off.

"And that's how you disarm the system," said the bookseller.

Still wearing the goggles, I turned to Le Bullfrog. Everything happened in slow motion. He pulled down his scarf and exposed a huge, gaping, unhinged mouth. A thick slimy tongue, as thick as your arm, shot out, landed on the fossilized fish skeleton, and hurled itself back into Le Bullfrog's mouth, which clamped shut, and displayed the revolting, horrible undulation of a giant adam's apple as he swallowed.

Then, he opened his mouth again.

"B U R R R R R P."

Billy Sabab 6/15/2019 8:42pm

Le Bullfrog was making the crew uneasy.

"Sir. The passenger is making the crew uneasy."

"What's the problem, Shipman Eva? I mean, I know he's kinda sweaty..."

"He lurks. Sir."

Shipman Eva had me there.

"But hey! Destiny City! You always wanted to go, right? They've got great museums...."

"Sir, could we request that the passenger remain confined to his quarters?"

Shipman Eva was putting me in a kind of bind. Le Bullfrog agreed to a fare. Well, that's what the bookseller said. Er, implied. But there was no up front payment, so we'll need to collect it on arrival. Which was much more successful with a happy client, and not one who'd been confined to quarters.

I had to think fast.

"Shipman Eva..." I took a look up and down the promenade to make sure no one else was listening. "I can only tell you that our passenger is VERY important, and paying us a VERY tidy sum for this trip, so I'm afraid we're just going to have to live with it."

"Yes Sir."

Shipman Eva took her leave.

I wish I knew who Le Bullfrog was. And why he was making us all so uneasy. And IF we're going to get paid.

And what happened to @Rose Nomenclature?

Nobody tells me anything these days.

Billy Sabab 5/16/2019 9:58pm

"Shhhhhhh! Keep your head down! Here she comes!"

The voice of the bookseller hissed in my ear through the glasses.

We were camped out in a coffee shop across the street from large, clean industrial park. Ornate iron fences, palm trees. The crew was relieved that it appeared I was drumming up some much needed work.

@Rose Nomenclature walks out the gates, negotiates with a bicycle taxi, hops in, and leaves.

With the glasses I can follow her special signature through the traffic, and see beyond what's visible with the naked eye. Today it's like a stream of green percentage signs. %%%%%%%%%

I move to hail a taxi of my own.

"Not so fast, captain."


"It's time to pick up some work. Turn around."

There on the sidewalk is a stout round log of a man, wrapped in a wide trenchcoat and a scarf and a hat. And sweaty, as the weather doesn't call for all those clothes.

"Captain Sabab, meet Le Bullfrog."

Billy Sabab 4/16/2019 10:22pm

Where exactly is @Rose Nomenclature headed? You’d think she thought somebody was tailing her, and in this case she’d be right.

Then again, she seems like the type who’d take those precautions as a matter of course, delving into the malevolently shady as she regularly does. And with these goofy brass goggles on, I can track her and still make sure we stay well beyond her line of sight, so she can’t know we’re following her, right? But what if she’s possessed of an eldritch sight, enhanced by some haunted mirror or some other nightmarish antique she picked up? What if it’s all a trap?


"What? Who said that?"


I open up my pea coat and look at the goggles.

"Did you just speak to me?"

"Put the goggles on. Then move the right outside lever to 7, the inside dial to Y, then put your left forefinger on the circle with the half moon on the top."

It was the bookseller. Speaking through the glasses.

"Hey, you didn't tell me they had shortwave. How do I know if the microphone's turned on? Have you been spying on me?"

"Just take a look," he says through the tiny speakers.

So, right outside lever to 7, inside dial to Y, and my finger on the circle with the half moon on the top.

The nightscape of clouds turns into a neon explosion of pinks and greens, massive bodies of feathered serpents surging by endlessly with no heads or tails, evil-eyed tornado babies tucked into cliff sides of thunderheads. The path of the pixie dust trail leads safely through it.

"Looks like your'e good," says the tinny voice of the bookseller.

Billy Sabab 3/17/2019 4:52pm

The crew of the Matte Kudasai didn't sign up to be spies. Or stalkers.

Sure, it takes a little bit of detective work to be a good junk dealer. Some of it's instinct, but some of it is doing your homework and a little bit of research. A deep fictional knowledge of rare and haunted artifacts doesn't hurt either.

But using a pair of suped-up brasswork googles powered by arcane technology I don't understand to follow another junk dealer across the skies and report on their whereabouts... that's new. And slightly unsavory. However the money is right, and even if I have to keep this side-mission secret from the crew, it's one I've got to take. For all our sake.

With the glasses on, peering out into the night off the observation deck, I can see a trail of sparkly pixie dust leading through the clouds. Somehow these glasses can see the path the "The Traits, Features, Characteristics, Peculiarities, Mannerisms, Qualities, and Attributes of the Hymergian Man-Fungus" with fold-out illustrations intact has taken as it passes through the atmosphere. No doubt still on the Egregore, in the hands of @Rose Nomenclature herself.

"Uh, excuse me, Captain?"

Ooooooooph! I almost fumble the googles off the deck tearing them off my face and hiding them under my pea coat.

"YESssssck?" my voice cracks. "Ahem, yes Shipman Eva?"

"Helm just wanted to double check on our heading... it seems we're headed a bit off the map."

"Uh, yes shipman. It's a hot tip I got back at the bookfaire."

"In Old Habitsform."

"That's right."

"Rotting Wood."

"Yes shipman. Are my orders unclear?"

"You know, there's a collectible cards and comics fair there now. A lot of us were thinking maybe it'd be smart to drop by..."

"I'm afraid this is a hot lead, shipman. Steady as she goes."

"Aye aye, Captain."

Billy Sabab 2/13/2019 9:34pm

Dinner at the Rotting Worm Book Faire in Old Habitsform is exquisite. Those bookseller types have a taste for fine food and wine. You just have to know the right ones.

In my case, I only knew one. Good thing he didn't want to drink alone.

"I expected you'd be using the money you realized from the sale on dinner with Captain Nomenclature?" He used the weird fake French pronunciation again. I tried to use it when I introduced myself but fumbled it badly.

"Oh, I make it a policy never to mix business and pleasure as far as clients are concerned."

"Clients? But she bought the book from you. That makes you the client."

"Well, yes. Me included."

We twirl the wine in our glasses.

"Yes, you could use the glasses to track the book."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The additional pair of glasses I am giving you. The ones with the knobs."

"To track the book?"

"Yes, to follow the "The Traits, Features, Characteristics, Peculiarities, Mannerisms, Qualities, and Attributes of the Hymergian Man-Fungus," with fold-out illustrations intact."

"Uh.. whu... why would I want to do that?"

"Because I have a job for you."

@Rose Nomenclature @Egregore

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