SHIP'S LOG:

Toxic Shipping #4583

Little Matty 11/1/2024 11:35pm

Boy am I glad to get out of Compound #8295. Sure, they seemed quite fond of me, but I figure this body's grown back as much as it's going to, and I gotta get out and see the world! I feel like a whole new guy, frankly. So I got ol' #4583 back into working order and I'm off to make my way in this great big toxic world.

So long, toxic chumps!

Crystal Skiff 7/9/2024 10:44pm

Dear Dillon Cone,

We were happy to hear from our lawyers that our Transfer of Legal Indenturement for @Hazmat Matt -- simultaneously serving as a Certificate of Adoption for "Little Matty" -- finally cleared. While we could not toast this moment together, we've popped a bottle of champagne here on our side and encourage you to do the same! And I imagine Little Matty could have a sip too. He's certainly old enough, but do keep his miniature frame and enormous head in mind! I'm sure it's already too easy for him to conk himself out as it is.

With this matter finally come to an amicable and happy close for all, we would like to thank you for your patience and good naturedness throughout this entire process, and are thrilled that Little Matty has found a home so suited to his particular needs.

But we're not saying good bye forever! You can certainly expect to hear from us over the holidays, or at the very least a Christmas card.

Sincerely,

Crystal Skiff
Zephyr Air Comms Director

Dillon Cone 3/18/2024 11:05pm

Dear Zephyr Air Transport,

We were of course not looking forward to this day, as our seven month arrangement for Little Matty's stay is drawing to a close, as per our original agreement. He's really become part of our toxic waste family here at compound #8295, and we'd hate to see him go.

However -- and this was entirely Little Matty's idea, we promise -- what if we formally adopted him? We've already gathered the necessary paperwork and completed it (see attached), complete with Little Matty's tiny handprints. (While we've been making sure he takes his regular supplements, he never really shook his ragdoll form, but has become quite nimble nonetheless, learning to utilize his relatively enormous head as a counterbalance when swinging from rafter to rafter in the reclamation chamber.)

By the way, Little Matty says "hi" but is still too short to reach the keyboard.

Looking forward to your response,

Dillon Cone
Compound Manager #8295

Crystal Skiff 11/21/2023 11:29pm

Dear Dillon Cone,

We were thrilled to receive the photos of "Little Matty" and are so glad he seems to be thriving with you. Who knew he enjoyed performing so much? I would have expected his little body who have grown out more and caught up with his head. Make sure he drinks plenty of milk and those supplements we keep sending.

As for those strange hand signals he seems to be flashing in the photos -- no idea! Is it perhaps a scout sign?

Unrelatedly, we continue to receive crank calls originating from the Compound #8295 extension. It's that same young man, calling in about needing to be "rescued" and "send help quick" and "they're growing something strange in the waste heap." At first it was amusing, but now we're just letting them go to voice mail and it's becoming a bit of a nuisance.

Sincerely,

Crystal Skiff
Zephyr Air Comms Director

Dillon Cone 8/17/2023 11:59pm

Dear Zephyr Air Transport,

Our replacement shipment of E.D.D arrived, and we have found the additional quantity delivered to be insufficient recompense for our earlier misshipment.

However, we found @Hazmat Matt to be supremely entertaining in his regenerative ragdoll form. While his head is still enormously large for his underdeveloped body, he has mastered the ability to move quite naturally and perform nimble dances, much to the amusement and delight of the staff at Compound #8295, who rarely receive visitors of such talented nature.

If "Little Matty" (as we have taken to calling him) could remain and perform regularly for the crew here at ol' #8295 for the next seven months, we would be willing to "call it a deal."

Looking forward to your response,

Dillon Cone
Compound Manager #8295

Crystal Skiff 5/6/2023 2:28pm

Dear Dillon Cone,

Please excuse the delay in our reply. Of course Zephyr Air Transport will take full responsibility for the loss of product related to your shipment of E.D.D and is working to rectify this issue. We agree that @Hazmat Matt's role in this incident was entirely unprofessional, and as a result he has been spending the last few months undergoing a personal improvement program while his body slowly regenerates. Currently his body is roughly the size of a rag doll, but has gained the strength to support his now relatively enormous head and is able to operate an airship specially designed for a person of his stature. He is currently en route to 42° 10' 58.746'' S 172° 51' 58.4712'' E acquire 100 500 ml containers of E.D.D, which is twice the amount of E.D.D which had been mistakenly used as body wash by Matt during the original transfer. We hope this additional quantity of E.D.D will be a sufficient reimbursement for any inconvenience this issue has caused.


Sincerely,

Crystal Skiff
Zephyr Air Comms Director

Dillon Cone 1/23/2023 11:24pm

Dear Zephyr Air Transport,

Our shipment of E.D.D arrived with a large quantity missing -- roughly 50 500 ml containers. The captain claimed to have no idea what could have happened to the missing E.D.D, but I noticed he had removed all of his limbs in a very messy and unprofessional fashion, and was reduced to just a head on a tray, resting in a pool regenerative fluids.

I am not satisfied with this service, and would like to know what you will be doing to rectify this.

Sincerely,

Dillon Cone
Compound Manager #8295

Hazmat Matt 10/28/2022 7:07am

Picked up the shipment. Taking off now. Shipment will arrive in around 1-3 days.

Hazmat Matt 10/28/2022 7:05am

Zephyr Toxic Shipping #4583 will be happy to pick up your shipment of E.D.D. By the way what do you mean "results may be fatal"????

Overseer XFT0LP - 10/23/2022 9:46pm

Job claimed by Hazmat Matt 2022-10-28 07:05:16

Hello, we need approximately 100,000ml, or approximately 200 500 ml containers of E.D.D delivered to the compound located at 42° 10' 58.746'' S 172° 51' 58.4712'' E. Once there, show us the identification papers given with the materials to authorize the delivery. DO NOT OPEN, SPILL, OR BREAK CONTAINERS OR RESULTS MAY BE FATAL! If any infected liquid is to make skin contact, remove the limb as quickly as possible. Please make the trip as quick and efficient as possible.