SHIP'S LOG:

DENZIRO IX

Jims Piedmont 12/31/2024 11:37pm

There were a lot of rough years as the entire ecosystem was taken over by Stimulating Werejourney, Shake-on Ranch, Fully Clothed Little Helpers, Baby Jeans, AND MORE. A lot of folks didn't make it. But we learned to get along.

Of course it didn't happen over night. The invasive plants had an entirely alien chemical structure--phytonutrients humans weren't designed to digest. There was a lot of trial and error in terms of learning how to cook them, but also with the adaptive genetic therapies we needed to apply to ourselves. It was a race against time, and more missteps than steps forward, but we were able to figure it out before our population went critical.

So--all these physiological changes? That was part of the deal.

Ma Friehn 9/5/2024 11:28pm

"Aw, ma! It's too hot to pull weeds!"

"You and your brother pull all them weeds by sunsdown, or there'll be nothing but grass and stones in your soup!"

"But I want cup nooooodle!"

"Then you best be pulling those weeds a lot faster. Now get back to work!"

"But ma! They grow back near as fast as we can pick 'em!"

"Yeah ma! I already picked this whole bed and look they've growed back in already!"

"Look at our weed piles!"

Piles of dried Stimulating Werejourney, Shake-on Ranch, Fully Clothed Little Helpers, Baby Jeans, AND MORE tower above the boys in the shimmering heat.

"You just keep pulling as hard as you can, and your daddy will be out to bail those weeds real soon. How'z about I bring you out some of my famous Haymaker's Punch?"

"Haymaker's Punch? Hooray!!!"

Soms Alpha 5/15/2024 11:34pm

Dear Crew of the DENZIRO IX:

We here at SOMS ALPHA SEED have received some complaints about SOMS ALPHA SEED being released into certain sectors not zoned for the use of SOMS ALPHA SEED. This is because of the POWERFUL NATURE of SOMS ALPHA SEED, and how it can grow anywhere, without food or water or love or attention or praise, and kinda really ends up just taking over if released in any environment not already dead and completely devoid of life and unconnected to other natural biomes in any way. Like a small moon.

So some folks in the known realms started to call us and complain when -- through DNA testing -- they discovered the newly sprouted and ferocious Stimulating Werejourney, Shake-on Ranch, Fully Clothed Little Helpers, Baby Jeans, AND MORE growing in their back yards and on their roofs was SOMS ALPHA SEED and how did it get there, and we made ourselves a map and see that it's all cropping up in direct lines between the Quickstops and Gardenspots on your route. Which made us wonder if maybe you might want to check your hopper and see if maybe there's a hole because you know these seeds are small.

Can you take a little looksie there in your hopper bins and if there's some kind of hole or something patch it up and let us know?

Thanks.

Alorin 1/23/2024 9:59am

Picked up a new job, can't wait to start...
I hope it's enough for my living.

Soms Alpha - 12/28/2023 10:08pm

Job claimed by Alorin 2024-01-23 09:59:28

SOMS ALPHA SEED

24 metric tons of hybrid Alpha Soms, ready for planting in the harshest of environments, needing no food or water or even care. In fact they thrive even more if you're uncaring and rude. That's just how these seeds roll.

Produces a variety of crops!

Stimulating Werejourney
Shake-on Ranch
Fully Clothed Little Helpers
Baby Jeans
AND MORE

Packaged for individual sale at Quickstops and Gardenspots throughout the known realms.

DELIVER US TODAY!

Inquries c/o this address. Pick up at Soms Alpha Seed Silos conveniently located in most sectors. Note: Seeds are small.