Thot Slayer 1/26/2022 11:15pm


"This is not how I pictured Fiji," I told the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl. The Thot Slayer rattled and leaned into the blast of cold wind. At least I assumed it was cold, based on all the ice on the ground. "That is the McMurdo portal," said the Little Holographic Tour Guide Girl, pointing out the windscreen at the portal we'd just come through. It was like the other portals we'd seen, that is to say a big metal ring floating in the sky. Except all those portals...(READ MORE)

Berrysoul 1/24/2022 10:53pm

Cedric Small

"Order! ORDER!" Bang bang bang goes my gavel. "Order, you pesky louts! We will follow the rules of the Pilot's Union to settle this matter. Billy Bantam, you have the floor." "Thank you comrade Small. Ahem. Since before our father's fathers, the Pilot Union has had the ear of the giants. Because we live in 'em!" The crowd erupts in laughter. "And we've kept the giants on track, doing the work, whispering words of encouragement and guidance as we can...(READ MORE)

Murder of Crows 1/22/2022 10:52pm

Postie McCharge

Ms. Lumberton's been sending me transcripts of her dreams. She says it's the way to find where New Mill went, on account of all the dream lumber that went into it, and Ms. Lumberton being present at the curing. Thursday Morning Something like a long wooden cigarette boat crash landed in Polliwog Pond, splashing through and beaching itself on the southern shore, towards the Pottery Factory. The vessel had two parts, with the second half attached by a sort of accordion hinge in the middle, and...(READ MORE)

The Celestial Voyager 1/20/2022 10:36pm

Milton Flornik

There's a little tug on my line. Ripples in the water. "Hey! I got a nibble. You got anything?" "Nope," says Dej. We float there for a bit. No more nibbles. "How would you feel about changing the radio station?" asks Dej. "I've had about all I can take of this of this Kreutzu Bash." "I thought you liked Kreutzu Bash." "In small doses I can. But I can't take it no more. Probably scaring away the Frimjabs and the Sweet Burke...(READ MORE)

Stratospheric Aerodrome Renoire 1/18/2022 11:08pm

Zephyr Ambulance LTD

"... and with the rest of the planet peaceful, they're calling it a wrap. Going to send us through the curtain again to provide care and healing to some new unsuspecting barbarians..." The Doctor tends to get a bit maudlin when we drink. Doctors and nurses aren't supposed to fraternize like this. Well, not openly. But when your commanding officer opens up the bottle at his desk, you're better off rolling with it. "But there's still known resistance in the Idris Range. They b...(READ MORE)

Araceli 1/16/2022 8:41pm

Jimmy Three-hands

Now both Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse and I were in a position to see the cat. But that only made two-thirds of a fact. "Little Good Terms Field Mouse," I called. "Why don't you come over here and take a look in this well?" "Aw I already spent a good time poking around that well, fishing around for dead cat, and there wasn't nothing. And I was thorough, Jimmy Three-hands." "Oh I'm sure you were, Little Good Terms Field Mouse, but that was...(READ MORE)

The Mephitis 1/14/2022 11:58pm

choco loni

the mirrors. the captain's mind. the droste fever. it was all coming back. my memory stick. i'd completely forgotten about my memory stick. not since i'd thrown it at @Captain Pirate's head at the height his fever. it had been in my pocket the entire time. i loaded it up and aimed for the pinnacle of the spiral. the origin. why were we here again? a relapse of the droste? i pulled the trigger without thinking. it was more like remembering i pulled the trigger than actually doing...(READ MORE)

The Eolas Anatolijus 1/12/2022 9:12pm

Julie Cairo, Esq.

Dear @Dr. Jonas Opal, What a blessing to find you moored at this godforsaken dock, as your reputation precedes you even in these distant corners of the map. You are the ideal agent to engage for a simple but delicate matter that must be addressed with both speed and discretion. In the proto-industrial ruins of Kle-hemet, not more than a few hundred leagues from this rat hole of commerce, there are the fossilized remains of a winged humanoid, rather like a black figure of a bird. Except bi...(READ MORE)

Eyes Without A Face 1/10/2022 11:37pm

Grace Gearhorn

Aya of Ieeooiai was locked in a trunk.The very one I'd been sitting on for most of the story. "She hasn't made a sound for a very long time," said the skeleton man. He was confident her battery had run out, but that, being a clockwork doll, she could be brought back to life. "Why would we want to do that?" I asked. "After everything we've learned...after everything you've been through..." "There was good in her. IS good in her, deep down inside. No...(READ MORE)

Egregore 1/8/2022 11:22pm

Rose Nomenclature

I'd surveyed my share of abandoned amusement parks. It came with the territory. It was practically cliche in the dangerous and haunted artifacts racket, and there was no shortage of them. At its peak, he amusement park bubble put one on almost every street corner. Tastes changed, leaving them abandoned in droves. Some were remodeled into strip malls or gas stations or hotels, but it didn't stop them from rusting and sagging and being condemned. Usually with some incredibly disgruntled carny livi...(READ MORE)

The Metataxi 1/6/2022 11:57pm

Runa SecretTradition

The Ritual Garments of Heterocera! "I'm sorry, what?" asked Rita Pearl. I didn't realize I'd been speaking out loud. "The uh, Ritual Garments of Heterocera. It's an old story." "Like 'great caesar's ghost?' Some kind of folkloric exclamation?" "No, it's well...," I replied. We were on the observation deck, examining the soft cliff The Metataxi found itself adhered to. The giant moth had landed here and climbed into its folds, leaving us stu...(READ MORE)

Razorcrest 1/4/2022 5:21pm


Razorcrest accepts the job posted by Phil Techno. An incident occured on day 2 in the westsouth circuit. Biran forgot to put on an earmask, and remained unconsous for 1 hour....(READ MORE)

ol' big balloon 1/2/2022 11:02pm

Capt. Frank Clarence

The tracks all lead out in Herb's direction, following the rover ruts down into the canyons. "Whoa, nellie, now that ain't gonna do," I told the Ol' Big Balloon. The gusts on the flats were no joke, and going over the wind was more of a trip than I'd charged her up for. But following the kids down into the canyons was something we'd had experience with. Before all these settlers showed up, and it was just my family and the geo-survey team out on the Chocolate Flats. No rules ba...(READ MORE)

the Omega project 12/31/2021 7:52pm


Oh my god that WAS the greatest thing we've ever done. Having all the Hot Fritters McCornchips we wanted definitely helped. I think it's honest to say we all pigged out. How could we not? Hot Fritters McCornchips are the most amazing snack to hit the ethereal flavor scene since your great grandma first tasted sarsaparilla! Mmmm I can still feel those active flavonoids swimming upstream in my gums and spawning in my nose! The lemonoil horsetails, chrysanthemum spider limes, the ponzu crossette...(READ MORE)

Matte Kudasai 12/29/2021 10:34pm

Billy Sabab

“Isn’t there any way out of this stink? I think I’m going to barf.” Shipman Eva looked at me sideways through her gas mask. “It doesn’t matter where we ride in his wake,” she replied. “His mercaptans are highly dispersant. I mentioned this in the all-hands memo, along with gas mask assignment.” “And I said it wasn’t going to be that bad, so it was optional.” “Aye Captain.” “…. Did you say ‘captan’ as in ‘mercaptan’?” “No sir. The oth...(READ MORE)

Steampunk to hell 12/27/2021 4:43pm

Enchanting Owlet

Hellooooooooo! And how can Anything Owl help you today? Usually we work on an appointment-only basis, but we do have time for a walk-in just now. Wait -- don't say a word. Let me flitter around and see what I can glean... Ah, ok. You're a student at the school, aren't you? And... a bit of a witch if I'm not mistaken? And... let me see... something tells me you've lost something recently, correct? And you think Anything Owl can help? Yes? Did I get it right? Oh goody! Now please, walk...(READ MORE)

Spatuloso 12/25/2021 11:55pm


The Blueshard Codex was not as complete as we would have liked. Significant portions of many leaves were obscured with coffee stains or another solvent we have not been able to identify, while others were torn or otherwise missing. However, what remained allowed us to create a limited, one-time use method of transporting a small team physically through time and to this specific period in history -- beginning shortly before we made contact with @Lasso Pout and his outfit of wranglers. And...(READ MORE)

Moonbeam 12/23/2021 11:21pm

Spaz Skunk

"Steady as she goes," said Badger Bijan. We'd cleared the queen's city's catapults easily. Maybe too easily. "Do we have a destination, or a direction yet... captain?" "Totally not 'captain,'" I replied. "Er... well... I guess... consider me a temporary COO." The Badlands stretch out before us to the west. "We could use some experienced crew. See that ocean on the horizon, Bijan?" "It appears to be a bay?" "Y...(READ MORE)

Minecraft is the best 12/21/2021 11:01pm

Roberto Shelton

After the entire day passing without a single acknowledgment by any customers in line at the Goggles Desert Coffee Shack Aerodrome and Emporium, I realized I'd need to change my tack. ----- WANTED: BARISTA * COFFEE MAKING EXPERIENCE PREFERRED * MUST LOOK GOOD IN STEAMPUNK REGALIA -INQUIRE WITHIN- ----- Well, I guess I didn't see any other options......(READ MORE)

WonderFly9000 12/19/2021 11:56pm

Milt McGee

"I assume this is about the milk," said Al. If he'd had a bad moment with the big cat, you couldn't tell. Al was as cool as ever, and his cramped office wasn't any more messed up than usual. "Well yes, that's right, Al." You might think your town is too small for an Al in it, but you're wrong. Every town, no matter how small, has an Al. Somebody that can help you out when you're in a hole. Somebody with connections. "I'm afraid I can't help you out of this,"...(READ MORE)

Microwave Explosion 12/17/2021 11:56pm

Queen of the Hudson

Clown City. The rough part. And yes that's a joke -- Clown City is all rough. The passageway from the clown car cargo hold led to inside warehouse in a gloomy part of town, but it was a part of town I was familiar with. I knew clowns from this part of Clown Town. Binkis, Bimbos, and Buffos. Patches, Peaches, and Popos. The kinds of clowns I used to do business with. The kind of clown that will cut you as soon as you take your eye off the knife. "This way. I know a guy."...(READ MORE)

The Flying Comrade 12/15/2021 11:59pm

Ben Tater

"Don't forget to pop your ears!" was the last thing the mermaid said to me. Telepathically, of course. The high-tech, multi-wheeled RV had been floated to the surface in a great bubble, and I was at the wheel, watching through the windshield. Slowly, the light from the surface became visible, then shoals of fish, more bubbles, and finally the frothy surface. We were just off shore, and armored sharks heaved the bubble to the beach. *POP* Oh ow! She wasn't kidding. Thankfully...(READ MORE)

The Useless Precaution 12/13/2021 10:56pm

Count Almaviva

Le prove per le nuove divise della ciurma di The Useless Precaution hanno richiesto più tempo del previsto. Fortunatamente, i migliori avvocati di The Golden Fields hanno un approccio tranquillo al lavoro, quindi io e la troupe abbiamo avuto tutto il tempo per goderci il nostro accogliente hotel e i suoi numerosi servizi nelle vicinanze. Questa zona di The Golden Fields era storicamente conosciuta come Mouse Town, a causa del gran numero di topi che un tempo vivevano qui. L'architettura e lo...(READ MORE)

Albion 12/11/2021 7:20pm

Frem Trevor Seven

Even at this great distance, the haunted doll parts speak to me. Their voices call from coffee cups and ashtrays and broken toys when I least expect it. They tell me about their dreams. They dream of scratching backs and sharing beds. They dream of being loved. They dream of contentment and fulfillment. Obviously they have not yet made their way to Silver Witch, Inc., 7797 THE MOORS to be dis-integrated. They have not performed the necessary exorcisms and absolutions. I ask the captai...(READ MORE)

Invictus 12/9/2021 11:56pm


Welcome to Witch Delivery™ Quick Station #9962384 Are you a customer or a team member contractor? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Are you a customer or a team member contractor? Please say, CUSTOMER, or TEAM MEMBER CONTRACTOR. "Oh, uh, team member contractor." Thank you. Please present your Witch Delivery™ pendant app with the screen facing up to the vibrating tube sensor. zzZZAAAAAAP! "Ouch!" Welcome team member contractor 62492YG724. Just a momen...(READ MORE)

The Sadie Hawkins 12/7/2021 11:57pm

Starry Skye

"So, Dip, you're looking well." It was Dip Squealer. I knew him long before he removed his mask. "Starry Skye. It's been awhile." I had to think back about how long it'd really been. A lot longer for me than him. "The Rusty Jade heist, if I'm not mistaken." "Yeah, you treated me exceptionally fair, I must admit. It made me kind of... feel there might be something between us? If you know what I mean?" I did. But unfortunately it wasn't lik...(READ MORE)

Voyager 7/9/2021 4:49pm


hi...(READ MORE)

sus 6/16/2021 1:51pm


sus among us best yes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeep rubux robux robux yes yes ye s yeysss death...(READ MORE)

Golden Stone 3/15/2021 7:26pm

Dirac Fermion

Hey has anybody seen my antiparticle? And let me give you a hint it's not my sister Majorana. Anybody can tell she's her OWN antiparticle. She thinks everything is always about her. She's so high energy. AND maintenance. It's ME who has to worry about my antiparticle showing up at any minute, poofing me out of existence. It's why I stowed away here on the Golden Stone. My antiparticle would NEVER think of looking for me h-----...(READ MORE)

Fart Squad 1/7/2021 5:51pm


i fart, it stink, ow stinky hlep.,...(READ MORE)

04 12/14/2020 8:54pm

Officer Fresno

Hullo? tap tap tap Anybody home? Sorry I'm late. There was a paperwork mixup down at the station. Anyway, we had a report of some suspicious activity so we're just following up. Anybody? tap tap tap...(READ MORE)

St. Ableberry 11/22/2020 2:30pm

Pantha Abelberry

It's no problem! I can speak draconic, so the dragons will probably understand! I'll get right to it!...(READ MORE)

Battle Bus 11/18/2020 10:53pm

Pomme Contrebandier

C'est ainsi qu'a commencé notre plus belle vie à l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A. J'ai trouvé que mon partenaire commercial était un homme changé. L'air frais et l'exercice lui ont fait du bien, sans parler du soleil, que sa peau blanche et pâteuse avait rarement ou jamais vue auparavant. Cela, associé au pain surnaturellement nutritif de l'âge de pierre de l'univers 4A, a donné à mon partenaire autrefois paresseux et obséquieux une nouvelle résilience. Maintenant qu'il a part...(READ MORE)

USS Enterprise 11/16/2020 11:04am

Captain Squirrel Esq

Land, ho! And a yo-ho-ho to you, which is just one yo- away form Santa, with all the Jollyness it brings! We are hereby most honoured to undertake this brave venture, and hand over these here Ancient Shortbreads even more Ancient to the recipient, in five years time! It shall certainly add to the value of the vintage. In the meantime, we shall boldly skedaddle, where no man has skedaddled off to before!...(READ MORE)

Gamer 11/3/2020 9:34am


This job be so fine...(READ MORE)

jdfalf 10/26/2020 3:33am


fff...(READ MORE)

The Warrior13 9/30/2020 12:26pm

Luna R. W.

9/30/2020 I'm so happy to take this job I hope nothing blows up like last time!...(READ MORE)

The Mad-lad Potato 8/14/2020 10:52pm

Roberto Shelton, Jr.

Reality Generation Newsletter -- August Edition Thanks to @Captain Alea Downton and her top-notch crew of singing lasses of the air, reality generation devices were successfully deployed in the Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal, Miyazaki, Lyubertsy, Aastaurmond, Chauxhall, and Pastoria City areas. This created the the additional "ooomph" necessary to straighten out the kinks in the Great Trunk, and should keep things running smoothly in this generated reality for some time to come (or...(READ MORE)

The Imaginary Potato 6/8/2020 8:52am

Captain Zarna

My new Mama, from The Mad-lad Potato, gave me a huge box with a below deck and wheel and everything! It’s perfect, and Bun-Bun thinks so too. She also got me this journal. I have to go, dusty musties are attacking the Imaginary Potato! Bye!...(READ MORE)

Skyside 4/21/2020 3:26pm


ill take the job, but only if you kill them too...(READ MORE)

Dragon's Tooth 12/22/2019 11:11pm

Clammy Hamsphere

I've been having trouble convincing my brothers three to get together to watch the new Mermaid Imperium. Back during the hard times, that show really brought us together. But now that we're all rich as kings it's like we've lost what's really important between us. We might all have housekeepers and AI powered bidets, but we've traded it for our humanity. I'm having trouble finding that station again anyway. Can't remember which of the 7,218,198 channels it was. It was some kind of public acc...(READ MORE)

The Rapture 12/1/2019 10:43am


The Rapture left the continent of North America from Patrick’s AFB from Brevard County, Florida, USA, on Sunday, December 1st, 2019 at 1:27 PM EST. At 1:30 PM, several miles off shore, The Rapture activated an experimental device created by Terrazian Futuristics, called “THE WORLD,” causing Earth to appear to slow to almost a complete stop. In reality, The Rapture is going at extreme speeds. The Rapture exited “THE WORLD” at 1:32 PM EST off the coast of Guinea. The airship continued...(READ MORE)

Conquest 10/23/2018 11:57pm


Might be something with the transmission, but somethings going wrong. I don't think anything is getting through. If it is, I really need that job done, but it isn't showing up. I don't think the managers know that I'm kinda stuck. well, help if you can....(READ MORE)

Atlas 10/11/2018 11:39pm

Alex Marleybone

The Resurfacing has been accomplished with hardly a dent to the army. The Desert Arachni were admittedly reluctant to face defeat, and some good men had been lost to the gracious cause. Their deaths were not in vain, however. The breach into the ancient surface had been successful, despite the sacrifice of some beautiful ruins. When witnessing such destruction had reminded me of the previous memories of attending expeditions with my old crew mates, and how we planned months to reach here. Since...(READ MORE)

Ventura 7/23/2018 8:47pm

Olivia Diaz

It's so satisfying to have one's theories proven true. If only there was some way to share it with the people back home! And by home, of course, I mean Earth. We were prepared for this, and had been transmitting data back to HQ up till the very last minute. No doubt the last of it got a bit garbled in some interesting ways, but hopefully they'll find something useful in it. But the fact remains that our theories about the Brane were correct--that by reuniting it with its entangled partn...(READ MORE)

The Savage 5/31/2018 3:20pm

captain ryan

My ship is a savage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...(READ MORE)

The Knight Snug 4/29/2018 5:26pm



The Holy Bibbizle 4/29/2018 2:32am

Grape Man Jones

God bless The Holy Bibbizle...(READ MORE)

Coney Island Baby 2/5/2018 8:10pm

Lou Grass

Welcome Aboard!...(READ MORE)

Claudette 2/3/2018 11:18pm

Melinda Artaud

Silver Springs Capital Management was thrilled to have our oversupply of R's, S's, and T's removed from circulation from Orbis Eruditi, but our books show that we still owe the Claudette for the removal. Our attempts at remittance to your Accounts Receivable have gone unanswered. Is there another way we should be paying you? We have 75 capital vowels of various denominations still awaiting your acceptance on our docks, and are ready to send them to any accredited grapheme logography of your choo...(READ MORE)

Viola Ventura 1/30/2018 1:28pm

Little Bo Johnson

Here at Viola Ventura we're capable of removing any kind of wreckage from any kind of place. Our ship is currently being refueled for the trip. We will arrive in 20 to 30 hours....(READ MORE)

USS Bizzle 1/25/2018 8:54am

Ronald Baldwin

Bizzle is here to run ish...(READ MORE)

Alis Gloriae 1/25/2018 4:53am


Captain's Log: 1/25/18 Currently on our way to Oslo to receive repairs. All cargo-workers involved in the sandwich incident have been sacked. Have sent an official apology out. Veedle...(READ MORE)

Shining Machine 1/24/2018 8:18pm

Ricky VII

- .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- / ... --- / -- ..- -.-. .... / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .... . .-.. .--. / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- / .-. . .- ... --- -. / - --- / ..-. .-.. -.-- / ..-. --- .-. . ...- . .-. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .. .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-. --- -... --- - / ..-. .- -.-. . / ... - --- .--. / --- .... / ... - --- .--. / - .... . / -- --- ..- -. - .- .. -. ... / .- .-. . / .--- ..- ... - / ... --- / ...- . .-. -.-- /...(READ MORE)

The Chiron 1/22/2018 5:41am

Wind Ghosts

22/01 - Delivery successful, no major incidents to report. Cargo has been taken off ship by handlers. On our way back to home base...(READ MORE)

Nemesis 1/20/2018 2:47pm


This cat is wanted dead or alive, so that's how I'll deliver it!...(READ MORE)

Steel Aurora 1/19/2018 10:34am


the north koreans are getting a little upsetti at the lack of confetti i would have gotten the fuel by now but im duct taped to the bow........(READ MORE)

Night Pigeon 1/15/2018 5:09am

Dvorak Iahdl

Just accepted a job so I guess I’m taking flight....(READ MORE)

The Flying Captain 1/14/2018 6:23am


Free confetti...(READ MORE)

Solstice 1/12/2018 12:38am


Finally loaded and leaving Thailand. The Solstice will be headed to New York where we have the most peculiar drop off instructions. Under any dumpster. What on earth could the buyer be doing that he has the free time to check under every dumpster in New York City. But who am I to argue?...(READ MORE)

Der Puce Wal 1/11/2018 3:10am

DeMarcus J. Tyree II

Der Puce Wal ist betriebsbereit und bessere Tage liegen vor uns! Capt. D.J Tyree II is ready and willing to transport any and all gadgets, thingamajigs, doodads, whatsits, and gizmos no matter how dangerous or bizarrely worded. However, under NO circumstance will the honorable captain be liable to transport gubbins or ROUS....(READ MORE)