SHIP'S LOG:

The Celestial Voyager

Ben Tibbets 11/23/2025 10:46pm

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ..."

The white noise is soothing to my ear, frankly. The beach, the surf, the clouds and sky, and the threshold tone on my headset as I sweep the loop over the sands.

I don't care if I never find anything--which is good because usually I never do. Just that static hum from the metal detector as it reads the beach, the static visual hum of the waves coming in, the clouds moving almost too slowly to see...

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ... "

Found a Roman coin once. Bought me more trouble than it was worth, I'll tell you. Mostly it's phones these days. Smartwatches.

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ... "

I've been over this piece of beach before, and not very long ago. Came here because I didn't want to find anything today. Just wanted to clear my mind.

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

Wha?

Darla Lambert 7/29/2025 10:58pm

"Well it keeps the dog from barking."

"But it's only supposed to go off if we push the remote. This thing goes off all the time. If we mount it out in the yard it'll be going off randomly, even when he doesn't bark."

"Still, he's stopped barking."

"But it's cruel and unusual. It'd be like torture. They do that to prisoners--blast loud noises at random times..."

"It's not that bad."

"It's at a frequency you can't hear. Only dogs can hear it. You don't even know what it's like."

"Oh I can hear it. Can't you?"

"No, I can't. It's ultrasonic. You can't hear it either."

"Sure you can. Here, put your ear up to it. You don't even have to be that close."

"I don't know..."

"Seriously. Here, I'll push the button..."

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"WHOAAAAA!"

"There goes the dog!"

"Where is he going?"

"After him!"

Kurtik 990 4/6/2025 9:55pm

Old Kenar was getting old. He couldn't really run the numbers any more.

"Don't worry, gramps. I can finish those last ones up for you."

"I just get so confused. I start off ok, but it just gets all a jumbled."

Today he hadn't even finished 30%. At the rate he was declining, I wouldn't be able to make up his difference much longer.

"You're a good lad, Kurtik. I just need more supplements. Kimmy said she's gonna get a line on more soon."

I always finished mine early, but pretty soon the algo would catch on and they'd start giving me more.

"You ever think of dropping down a level? You'd be king of the roost."

"I've got six ovapum still in their creches. If I don't keep it up I'd have to start unplugging them."

Why did the oldsters have so many? Everybody my age just stayed at the minimum. And only because it was required.

"But I've got a secret plan. You wanna see? You can't tell anybody, alright?"

Before I could say no, old Kenar pulled a Crepax out of his bag.

"Hey, you know what'd happen to you if they found that?" What was this old coot getting me into?

"I just keep the remainders in it. Anytime there's an irrational overage. Instead of the renumberer, I just pop 'em in here."

Oh god no. He turned some of the dials and put it up to my ear.

"Here! LISTEN!"

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"See?" he glowed. "I'm taking all six and we're getting out of here!"

Fray Equine 12/13/2024 11:42pm

"I'm sorry sir, but it looks like the warranty expired last month."

"You're kidding me. What, are they just built to hold together until the warranty kicks in?"

"Did you purchase our extended service plan? For big purchases, we always suggest..."

"No I didn't purchase the service plan. But this just seems like too much of a coincidence."

"Have you been performing the regular maintenance, sir?"

"I'm supposed to perform maintenance? How would I know how to do that?"

"It's in the owner's manual, sir. And really it's quite simple. Maybe we can take care of this easily and over the phone. Now, about this strange noise it's making..."

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold your phone up to it so I can hear?"

"Uh, yeah, Ok. Here:"

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Ah, sir, my apologies. We will have our team out there within 30 minutes, While you wait, we ask that we leave your house. It's for your own safety, sir, and in just a very short while I'm sure our serivce team will take care of everything. But, for now, it's very important that you leave your house immediately. Go directly to the front door...."

Gerry Bondo 8/18/2024 11:26pm

You can't find them if you don't look. I look all the time, down at the beach, which is why I have such an extensive collection of glass floats.

Most are Japanese, but I've got a Norwegian, some Chinese, a couple American. Most are green, but I've got clear, blue, and amber. Most are round, but some are egg shaped, Some are torpedos.

Some are more like bottles, which is what I thought I found here.

"What have I found here, eh?"

This wasn't just a bottle, but a ship in a bottle. An airship in a bottle, in fact. Washed up on the beach in a pile of kelp.

How did they get it suspended in air like that?

There's a little buzzing noise. Maybe some air trying to get around the cork as it warms up in the morning sun. I could just pull that little cork, but what if that broke the little airship inside the bottle.

Sure is buzzing up a storm though. I put my ear up to the bottle...

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

Oh no. Not again.

Irene Jackson 4/27/2024 11:23pm

The table was strewn with empty dim sum steamer baskets. We were through.

"Well I'm just glad you understand. This wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

"I could tell something wasn't clicking. I just hadn't thought it through like you have. Or I thought it would work itself out."

I caught a server's eye and motioned for the bill.

"I think we'll both be better off meeting new people. That's what dating is for, right? To find out?"

"Maybe you're just in more of a hurry than I am."

The server counted up out plates and filled out the bill. She left it on the table with a single fortune cookie.

"Just one?"

"We'll share it."

We each took one side of the cookie, like it was a wishbone, and cracked it open. The fortune fell to the table.

We looked at each other for a moment, then I picked it up and read it aloud.

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Are you making up those noises?"

"No, it's written like that. Take a look."

It wasn't like any fortune I'd seen before.

"Look, on the back, those aren't lucky numbers."

"It's longitude. And latitude."

We looked at each other over the mess of the table. There were fortune cookie crumbs on it now too.

"It's a distress signal," we both said at the same time.

Rats. It was just how we got involved in the first place.

Crystal McBride 1/5/2024 11:52pm

"And how long have you been hearing this ringing sound?"

"Ever since the accident. So, I guess about three weeks?"

"Does the ringing occur in just one ear?"

"No, both. And it's not really a 'ringing.' It's more like a... scratchy, cracky noise."

"Is it continuous? Or intermittent?"

"Definitely continuous. I go to sleep hearing it, I wake up hearing it. I'm surprised I'm able to go to sleep. I think I must just block it out. But I think it's been giving me strange dreams."

"What kind of dreams?"

"Flying dreams."

"I see."

The doctor enters some notes into the file he's been holding.

"Alright then. Now, I've looked in your ears, and I don't see any obstructions or inflammation. But I have another device here. It's like a very tiny microphone that will allow us to pick up any vibrations -- any abnormal vibrations -- that might be happening in your ear. Take a look."

"It's just a little wire."

"That's right. Now, you know we always say: 'Never put anything smaller than a breadbox in your ear!'"

"What's a breadbox?"

"Ha ha! But, in the hands of a skilled otolaryngologist, it is ok. We're very careful. Are you ready now?"

"Uh, I guess?"

"Alrighty. Just sit very still... and... there. Now, I'll turn up the volume here on the spectraphone speaker system..."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

Annette Chung 9/22/2023 11:57pm

"See? Look at that squirrel. Look at its mouth."

"Like its lips? Does a squirrel have lips?"

"I mean its jaw. The bottom part of its face. Doesn't it look all purple?"

"Well, it's sort of in a shadow. But yeah, it's dark. Maybe from eating berries?"

"All the berries are gone or dried up. What if it's some kind of fungus?"

"A fungus?"

"Yeah, like a zombie fungus. Like it has rabies. Wants to bite us."

"That squirrel has been super pushy. I've been out there and it doesn't run away at all."

"Because it's mad. As in crazed."

"Let's go out there now!"

"And confront it? Enrage it? No way."

"Well we can at least get a closer look. It won't attack us, I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"Oh come on. I'm going now."

"Okay. I guess."

...

"See? It doesn't run away at all like the other squirrels. It holds its ground. THAT is creepy."

"It's just habituated. And look -- it's eating a walnut. Doesn't that have some kind of purple dye in it?"

"That sorta sounds familiar..."

"It's not even paying attention to us. Let's walk closer."

"Wait. Isn't it looking at us? What is it doing? Why is it opening its mouth like that?"

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"OH MY GOD! DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

"That's the neighbor's radio. It's always on when they're in their garage."

"No! Listen! Get closer. It's in some kind of state..."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"It's a... distress signal!"

"No."

"You know what we have to do, don't you?"

"No. I mean, come on..."

"This is EXACTLY the situation you've been talking about."

"Well... I guess that's true."

Film Benson 6/20/2023 10:53pm

"Well Doc you've got quite the setup in your lab today!"

"You bet I do, Film. Today I'm taking readings from the Atomic World."

"Atomic World? Gee, that sounds dangerous, Doc!"

"Not in this case, my young friend. You see, the Atomic World is arranged much like the solar systems and galaxies we know, with smaller satellite particles circling larger ones. Just like how our Earth orbits the sun."

"Gee Doc, it does sound just like planets. Do you think that they've got little people down there living on those planets? And that we're just---"

"Oh that's quite impossible Film. You see, they don't have any water, or money, or gasoline or food that small. You needn't worry."

"Whatever you say, Doc!"

"Ah, the first readings are coming in... now be quiet for a moment, Film."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Well gee Doc, that sounds just like a distress signal--coming from the Atomic World!"

"It certainly does, Film. And that means it's time to break out another one of my experiments, the Ultra-Reducing Atomic Ray!"

"Oh boy Doc, that sounds like just the ticket!"

Percy Percy 2/28/2023 11:53pm

"Grandma? It's Percy. Your great grandson. How are you doing today?"

The assisted care facility always has that smell. But grandma smells ok. Just old.

"I don't think she knows we're here," Lily says. "But she's awake..."

Grandma is sitting up in her wheelchair. As well as she sits up these days. Her eyes are open, but with that vacant look.

"Grandma? Hi! How's it going?" I ask softly.

"What's that buzzing sound? Do you hear it?" Lily asks. "It's super faint... does somebody have a radio on?"

"Maybe it's her hearing aid. Let me..." I put my ear up close to Grandma's.

"Not her hearing aid," I say. "But... wait... there. Put your ear up to her mouth."

We both put our ears up near to Grandma's face. And we can hear it... ever so faintly...

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"It's coming from her mouth?" Lily asks.

"Probably her fillings. They used to put all kinds of stuff in them."

We listen to the message repeat.

"It sounds like... some kind of distress signal..." Lily says.

"It does. Let's wheel her down to the nurses' station and see what they say."

Grandma seems to crack a little smile.