SHIP'S LOG:

Araceli

Great Mama Two-hands 1/3/2024 10:58pm

The Pie Gobbler became a Pieface. People would walk by his place and see him haunting in the windows and say "Who is that Pieface?" and "Did the moon come out tonight as a peanut butter pie?" and "He is missing a piece, that Pieface."

The Pie Gobbler was too hungry to hear them. He always had his mind on the next slice. But he could get no pies delivered, because the pie delivery drivers were too frightened of his scary old house. And he was too scared to leave his house full of half eaten pies.

It was a lightning storm one summer night that the Pie Gobbler ate up that scary old house, half eaten pies and all.

Great Mama Two-hands 9/20/2023 9:37pm

The Pie Gobbler's eyes were bigger than his plate. Oh he'd eat two dozen pieces a day, from two dozen different pies, with two dozen cups of coffee. But oh such a waste! The Pie Gobbler's house was filled with uneaten pies, pies with just one piece cut out of them, pies just sitting there and attracting flies. It was sad.

"Oh Pie Gobbler. Why don't you order just one piece? You can gobble all the pie you want, but you want more pie than you can gobble!"

"Leave me alone," the Pie Gobbler said. "I'll gobble as I choose."

The Pie Gobbler 6/18/2023 9:44pm

WOW that's some pie! I don't reckon I've had "pie" before, least not as ever stuck in my memory.

What kind of pie did you call this? A peanut butter pie? And you say all these other dishes in this display case are pies as well?

I will need to have one of each. To go.

Great Mama Two-hands 2/26/2023 11:52pm

The Pie Gobbler didn't start out by gobbling pies, though there are those who say he must have had the inclination inside him all along.

The Pie Gobbler started out by eating regular food, just like you and me. He had his share of macaroni and cheese, and cheese sauce on crackers, and dried beef on toast. He said it was fine but didn't think much of it, just like you and me.

But the day that the Pie Gobbler first tasted pie, everything changed.

For everyone.

Great Mama Two-hands 11/23/2022 11:43pm

Pie can be the healthiest food in the world. Pie can be the most unhealthy food in the world. Pie can be good. Pie can be bad.

You can make almost anything into pie. You can make an apple pie. You can make a meat pie. You can make a mud pie.

It all could be pie, depending on how you look at it, Jimmy Three-hands.

And there was one little fella who did. He's the one they call the Pie Gobbler.

Great Mama Two-hands 9/1/2022 11:19pm

Well Jimmy Three-hands you must be famished! Look at how you gobbled that pie right up. No wonder my pieces are going missing! You are chewing your way right through the scenery and into the future stealing the fresh pies and into the past stealing the stale pies and right here in the present chewing on the pies right in front of you.

Let Great Mama Two-hands get you another piece, and tell you a story about a pie gobbler. Now you might think this is a prelude to some kind of time-pie-shaming but oh Jimmy Three-hands you know Great Mama Two-hands better than that. There's no shame about time or pie when your intentions are right. And that's just the story you need to hear as you finish off that pie.

Would you care for another glass of fresh squeezed Strawberry lemonade before we begin?

Great Mama Two-hands 6/20/2022 11:55pm

Oh my Jimmy Three-hands you fit in just like a missing piece of pie! Just look how well you fill out that space here in my kitchen. It's like you never left. A piece of missing pie.

And what do you call the space left by a piece of pie, anyway? The piece of pie is easy enough to name, if it's cherry, or apple, or strawberry rhubarb. But what about the space it leaves behind?

And what happened to that piece of pie that used to be there, anyway? I'll cut you a fresh piece, Jimmy Three-hands, but what happened to the first one? Did I eat it? My mind must be getting away from me, Jimmy Three-hands.

Now you just sit right there and enjoy that piece of pie. And an ice-cold glass of strawberry lemonade. You look like you've got a load on your mind and it's time to forget all your troubles and just sit a spell and enjoy some pie.

Jimmy Three-hands 3/24/2022 8:10pm

"Meow?"

And just like that, the cat came back. She couldn't stay away.

--because we entered the proper Surprisal Zone, using the ancient codes and Physical Hieroglyph Notation at our disposal.

We picked the lock, and the happy family was reunited! Especially so after retrieving Little Good Terms Field Mouse from the well.

The cat is alive.

After a properly formal exchange of pleasantries and goodbyes, my obligation to Little Good Terms Field Mouse was complete, and I left their charming compound to return to the clean, airy kitchen of Great Mama Two-hands, and drink a glass of her ice-cold strawberry lemonade.

But which way was it back to Great Mama Two-hands kitchen? And a piece of pie?

Jimmy Three-hands 1/16/2022 8:41pm

Now both Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse and I were in a position to see the cat. But that only made two-thirds of a fact.

"Little Good Terms Field Mouse," I called. "Why don't you come over here and take a look in this well?"

"Aw I already spent a good time poking around that well, fishing around for dead cat, and there wasn't nothing. And I was thorough, Jimmy Three-hands."

"Oh I'm sure you were, Little Good Terms Field Mouse, but that was then, and this is now, so why don't you give it a little doublecheck?"

Little Good Terms Field Mouse scampered up to the edge of the well.

"I don't hear any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said.

"You just take a closer look."

"I don't smell any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said, bending his head over the well.

"You just take a closer look."

"I don't see any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said, stretching his little mouse head deeper and deeper into the well.

And that's when Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse gave Little Good Terms Field Mouse a kick in the pants.

Jimmy Three-hands 11/23/2021 11:04pm

"Maybe the cat is both alive and dead," said Little Good Terms Field Mouse.

"He's always saying stupid things like that," said Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse.

"Yes you must use your Power of Discernment with intention," said I. "Here. Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse looked at me sternly through her spectacles again.

"Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse turned away.

"Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse handed me her spectacles.

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse's spectacles sure were dirty. Years of listening to Little Good Terms Field Mouse and his schemes. Years of listening to the Squeaky Acres Old Time Radio Hour. Years of listening to her own fears.

"Take a look now"

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse put her spectacles back on.

"The cat is alive," she said.