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Jimmy Three-hands 5/4/2020 7:41pm

As the Araceli rose higher and higher, I could see the many lands rising up all around me, like one great big frog eye.

I could see Bakemono Road, but it was too soon to return to that trickster path.

I could see the Land of Nuts, and the Wide Open Sea.

I could see the ancient ruins that are the home of Miraculous Mummy. I could see the battlegrounds of the Phantom Platoon. I could see the forest of Dryad Deluxe; the family estate of Lance, Lord of Mystery (featured in the Forever Cabal cross-over event); and Rescue Rosaria's Land of Adventure. I could even see the Traveling Ant making his way to visit Ultra Lass.

But Jimmy Three-hands was getting tired. Tired of traveling, tired of tricking, tired of tussling with all kinds of ornery critters.

Jimmy-three hands needed rest. And pie.

That's when I knew it was time to pay @Great Mama Two-hands a visit and say "Hello."

Jimmy Three-hands 3/27/2020 8:23pm

Oh it was nice to have Rocky Blaze, star reporter for the Bakemono Register, and his 57 colleagues off the ship.

As soon as the last one was out the door I pulled the Araceli up up and away over the Land of Nuts. I watched Rocky Blaze and all the other newspaper raccoons scamper across the rolling plains of nuts and nut trees, watched them gather all the nuts they could in their creepy little hands and pockets and rush down to the freshwater streams to wash their nuts.

It can be as mesmerizing to watch them as it ls for them to wash them.

Luckily I'd seen it before.

I pulled back on the stick and let the Araceli climb higher and higher.

Jimmy Three-hands 2/21/2020 11:51pm

Nuts. Nuts on trees, nuts in piles, nuts growing out of the ground. Nuts as far as the eye could see.

Nuts all around. And springs and streams of pure rushing water.

You may not associate nuts and raccoons, but you know how raccoons love to wash their food. Well there’s something magical about the effect of nuts on raccoons. They love to wash their nuts. Nuts drive them wild. Nuts drive raccoons into a primordial version of themselves. No raccoon can resist washing their nuts. Give a raccoon some nuts and a creek and you can watch them roll them those nuts around in the water, end over end, over and over, for hours and hours. Raccoons are mesmerized by dem nuts.

“Have at it, you raccoons!”

With the door held wide and the ship held low, I watched the raccoons leave the Araceli, and race into the Land of Nuts.

Jimmy Three-hands 1/17/2020 11:24pm

"This is all well and good, Jimmy Three-hands, but I fear we're getting off the subject. Our readers want to hear YOUR story, not the story of some Traveling Ant."

Rocky Blaze, star reporter for the Bakemono Register, sat down his pad and pen with his cute little raccoon hands, and looked up at me with his cute little raccoon eyes. But I knew these Raccoon reporters were anything but cute. They were dangerous. And with the Araceli full of Raccoon photographers, Raccoon editors, Raccoon proofreaders, and Raccoon copy raccoons, Jimmy Three-hands was still up to his three arm pits in a heap of trouble.

I needed them off my tail.

"Well I was about gettin' to that," I explained kindly to the little rabid journalist. "The Traveling Ant played a big role in who Jimmy Three-hands came to be. And who he's going to be."

What Rocky Blaze, star reporter for the Bakemono Register, didn't realize is we'd been in the air a long time. So caught up in Jimmy Three-hands' story, none of the little media-minded badger bears noticed just where we'd flown to.

"Oh my!" I said, doing my best to sound honestly surprised. "Well will you look at that. Just you see what we're flying over right now!"

All the Raccoons crowded around the windows and looked out.

Below us, stretched out in all directions as far as the eye could see, it was the Land of Nuts.

Jimmy Three-hands 12/12/2019 10:13pm

"Now as you know," said the Traveling Ant, "Traveling Ants are rare."

"You might find us traveling alone, or in pairs, but you won't find too many.

But let me tell you there are a LOT of ants. Ants in tunnels. Ants in tunnels in mounds. Ants in tunnels underground! Ants in tunnels in trees and rocks and clouds and in the very fabric of the dimensions.

A lot of people might tell you about worm holes, but it's ants who really have the place tunneled out.

Like all ants, Traveling Ants have to come from someplace, and that's the tunnels. I spent a whole lifetime in the tunnels. More than one lifetime, in fact. And let me tell you when you're an ant in the tunnels that's all you need. That's all there is! There's the tunnels, and the thing about tunnels is, when you're in them that's ALL there is.

What's outside the tunnels? Well, by definition: nothing. Ant physics has no way to describe what's outside the tunnel, because it's not tunnel! As soon as they start digging in that stuff, what do they find? More tunnel!

See where I'm going with this? I'm digging my own tunnel trying to explain it.

The point is, it's not in an ant's nature to see outside the tunnels. Sure, you might see ants crawling around outside their tunnels underground, but even then--what do you see? Ants in a line! Ants following the scent of the other ants. If it's not a tunnel dug then it's a tunnel defined by pheromones and other specialized chemical markers, just as real and sturdy as any tunnel ants inhabit.

But some of us ants see a bigger picture.

And some of us leave the tunnels and discover we can make our own way on the outside, in the space that ants don't even have words for.

And that's how a Traveling Ant gets born.

Jimmy Three-hands 10/26/2019 11:36pm

The Traveling Ant came from a different world than you and I.

"I don't come from a different world!" said the Traveling Ant. "There ain't but one world, and like it or not we all come from it."

I looked at the Traveling Ant through my one, two, three eyes, and I could tell he was telling the truth.

"The Kingdom of the Three-eyed God, Three Mile Road, the Murksea, the Dank Web, Poughkeepsie, places you haven't even heard of, places our readers might even find themselves in, it's all just one big place, now isn't it?

I felt this was about the time the Traveling Ant was going to tell his tale.

"Let me tell you my tale, Jimmy-Three hands." said the Traveling Ant.

Jimmy Three-hands 9/11/2019 10:15pm

The Traveling Ant stood upside down on the underside of the road. As I said, he was big, the biggest Traveling Ant I'd ever seen, as big as a timberjack. He had a worn out top hat on his head and a bindle over his shoulder.

"Hullo, Mr. Ant! I see you upside down on the underside of the road there, standing tall as a timberjack in your worn out hat. But I see your bindle bundle swings the same way you do, towards the road. I can understand how a Traveling Ant like you has feet that cling, but why doesn't your bindle bundle swing up, not down, and why doesn't your hat fall off?"

"Hello, Mr. Three-hands! I can see that you see things in one, two, three different ways. But seein' it ain't the same as livin' it, don't they say?"

I could see this Traveling Ant was familiar with the Kingdom of the Three-eyed God, and had likely even visited the Three Great Nations, and may have even set foot in the Tri-cities himself.

"An eye can't see itself!" I answered him in the traditional fashion.

"Well then why don't you climb right down here and join me, Mr. Three-hands?"

So I took the windy way, the spindly ribbon through and around and came face to face with the Traveling Ant, upside down on the underside of the road.

Except we weren't upside down any more.

Somehow, in the spindly twists of the ribbon, the never-ending figure eight, I got off to find everything right-side up with the Traveling Ant, and everything now upside down below.

"How's it hangin'?" asked the Traveling Ant.

Jimmy Three-hands 8/12/2019 10:11pm

Three Mile Road was said to be a lonely road. I will tell you that. It was said to be the straightest road. It was said to be the flatest road. And it was said to be the most boring road there ever was.

But I will tell you what. Growing up in the Tri-cities, where everyone's got one, two, three different ideas about everything, you get used to seeing everything from three different directions. And you could take little Jimmy Three-hands out of the Tri-cities, out of the Three Great Nations, and out of Kingdom of the Three-eyed God, but you couldn't take the Three-ways of Seeing out of Jimmy Three-hands.

And I will tell you this. What might have looked like a simple, flat, Three Mile Road to you, looked a whole lot different to Jimmy Three-hands.

I could see around the road.

I could see through the road.

I could see under the road.

Jimmy Three-hands took a moment to consider just which way to walk this road.

"Well howdy, stranger. You look a bit lost here on Three Mile Road."

And there, walking upside down on the underside of Three Mile Road, was the biggest Traveling Ant I've ever met.

Jimmy Three-hands 7/13/2019 10:21pm

You can see how Jimmy Three-hands was tired of all the three-ways. Tied up and nearly tripped up on them, as you can see. Too many threes for me! Too many threes from Jimmy Three-hands.

Don't get me wrong! I was respectful of our three-pronged culture, and of the Tri-cities, and my three parents, and the Three-eyed God, the Three Great Nations. I just found myself a bit lost in that three-holed world. Every time I turned around I had one of my three hands caught in three different mail slots, or three different mousetraps, or three different cheesecakes.

My three brothers and three sisters found their ways in their three-fold career paths, but I was lost.

"Too many threes for me!" I told my three brothers and three sisters.

"Too many threes for me!" I told my three parents.

"Too many threes for me!" I told the Three-eyed God.

And I did three things.

I took all the many three-way hands and made them one. One in each of my three hands.

I took all the many three-way legs and made them one. One in each of my three legs.

I took all the many three-way eyes and made them one. One in each of my three eyes.

And do you know what Jimmy Three-hands did? That's right. I put all of the Tri-cities, and all my threes of relatives, and the Three-eyed God, and I put them all inside me.

And along with those three things came the three suns in the sky and the three moons in space and the Three Great Nations, all wrapped up in threes on threes inside me, all buckling to get out.

And with that, I walked away, on one and one path only. Jimmy Three-hands wasn't going to go in three directions at once any longer. Jimmy Three-hands was going to walk Three Mile Road alone.

Jimmy Three-hands 6/13/2019 10:43pm

"Well," I said, "It all started when I was just a little tri-pod, tricycling around the Tri-cities. At every three-way intersection, there was the great big face of the Three-way God, with his three great big green eyes, his three enormous ears, his three button noses, and his three forked tongues, slipping out between this three long, white fangs. The Three-way God's face hovered over each intersection, directing the three-wheelers to stop and to go.

"STOP!" he roared and the traffic from one lane stopped.

"GO!" he roared at the next lane, and the three-wheelers went.

After awhile he hollered "STOP" and the going traffic and "GO" at the next lane of three-wheelers ready to go.

It was an idyllic childhood.

But Jimmy Three-hands' ice cream was starting to melt.

I had one hand on the three-handled handle bars of my trike, and another hand holding one ice cream cone, and another hand holding two ice cream cones, and drips from all three ice cream cones drip drip dripping on my three-legged corduroy slacks. Waiting for the whole cycle of STOPs and GOs was something Little Jimmy Three-hands didn't have time for, as the three suns in the sky were beating down hard.

Just then, Little Jimmy Three-hands had an idea.

"Our Three-eyed God, who art hovering in the intersections, I have an idea for you!"

The Great Three-eyed God turned his three eyes to Little Jimmy Three-hands. There was a lot of down-time for the Three-eyed God between traffic changes.

"I'm sure you've got much better three-minded things to worry about than just directing traffic."

The Three-eyed God raised one of his three eye brows.

"We were thinking... If you just put a big statue of your grand, three-eyed face there in the middle of the intersection, and told all the three-wheelers to take turns, one at a time, driving around it, turning off where they liked, well... these three-way intersections could run themselves! And you could be off doing better things!"

The Three-eyed God's three eyes opened wide.

And that's how Little Jimmy Three-hands invented the roundabout.

And made it home before his ice cream melted."

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