The Zephyr Air Transport Fleet is ready to serve!

We specialize in deliverying items other firms aren't able to, due to danger, hyper-sensitivity, secrecy concerns, or fictional status. We're also ready and eager to go "off the map!" Trust us with family heirlooms, cursed and/or magical implements, esoteric commodities, and more.

Post your job here and one of our franchisee owner-operator fleet captains will respond as soon as they reach next port. Please specify:

  • Pick up location
  • Destination
  • Type of goods and quantity

Standard rates apply! Submit your job details and our franchisee owner-operators will get the job done.


With air-centered delivery professionals available 24/7, delivery has never been more satisfying.


JOB: Cranny Boulfroug - 5/13/2024 10:22pm

I'm a representative of the Swapinos down in Mudland.

We've had a recent infestation of "B.S.M"s. We've captured them all successfully, however we still need to dispose of them. They don't really enjoy being trapped in the Oozone plane and our village is afraid they'll rip through time and space itself. The BSM's are being VERY rude to all of the old folk in our town (I don't think they take a liking to them) and they keep on yelling about "Soon, our Lord will come and take all of you with him. No saviors will step in his way."!! I'm not sure if BSM's have a god but it seems that our town is his "arrival plain".

We'd like to send them very far away, maybe to the abandoned kingdom "Sillus"? Thank you.


JOB - Holy Oakes - 5/8/2024 10:23pm

My Krab Men can Kick Rocks!

I built my Krab Men from the instructions on the back of the Krab Men Can label about how to collect enough Krab Men Meat to make a Krab Men Man. I collected enough Krab Men Meat to make a half dozen such Krab Man Men and you'd think they'd be grateful, right? Nooooooo think again! These Krab Man Men didn't want to do a thing around my farm, shoveling cows or milking the hay, they just wanted to play Nintendo all day and that's when I decided they could all kick rocks and get out of my life.

So I've got six Krab Man Men on ice, properly restrained but you're gonna wanna keep 'em froze till they reach the mythical destination of Krab Men Island which I just cooked up, because there ain't so such place. Your instructions are to take these six Krab Men out into the middle of the ocean and dump 'em out. Those Krab Men can fend for themselves because I ain't gonna.

Standard airhipping rates apply. And let me tell ya -- you better keep 'em chilled!


JOB - Harper Bailey - 5/8/2024 10:14pm

I've got a bunch of sad thoughts that need to be taken away. They're all over the floor of my room and through the hallway and down into the basement. Some are even outside, sopping wet.

Collecting these thoughts and disposing of them safely is what I need. It's important to know they will be treated well on their final journey -- kept warm, and dry, and well-fed, with an array of fruit juices and shortbread and cozy blankets and perhaps red velvet pillows with golden tassels for them to rest on during their journey.

And just how will you be disposing of them? Your method must be humane and thoughtful and environmentally safe. Please contact me directly by accepting this job to discuss method and terms.