earliest post first | most recent post first

Spaz Skunk 12/23/2021 11:21pm

"Steady as she goes," said Badger Bijan.

We'd cleared the queen's city's catapults easily. Maybe too easily.

"Do we have a destination, or a direction yet... captain?"

"Totally not 'captain,'" I replied. "Er... well... I guess... consider me a temporary COO."

The Badlands stretch out before us to the west.

"We could use some experienced crew. See that ocean on the horizon, Bijan?"

"It appears to be a bay?"

"Yes. Take is there."

Harry Otter 11/1/2021 10:39pm

"You're one of those fishy ones, ain't cha?"

It was the biggest bulldog-headed man I'd ever seen, standing behind the counter in his decrepit wooden shop.

"Fishy, uh, no sir. I mean, I like fish, and shellfish, but I haven't really eaten any seafood for quite some time. And how do you know my language?"

"ENOUGH!" Big Bulldog replied, smashing his big paw on the counter. "I mean you're one of those changeroos, a shifter, like me!"

Big Bulldog scrunched his face and looked like he was trying to force out a big poop. Suddenly his features morphed, and instead of the biggest bulldog-headed man I'd ever seen was one of the biggest ugliest men I'd ever seen.

"Change! Change back! I can't take it!!!!" I cried.

Big Bulldog changed back into his previous form.

"Well, in my defense, I've never heard it called 'fishy' before," I said.

"ENOUGH!" Big Bulldog hollered again, and slammed his big paw on the counter. Didn't he have another 'signature move' or was this it? "There's scarce few of us left here, on the land, hunted and captured for HER entertainment. But we've heard of others, from far away. Our ancient cousins, who left the land to escape the tyranny of these dust dwelling devils. The ones that took to the seas."

"You mean, people like... us... who can change form from human to animal, but change into fish?"

"EXACTLY!" Big Bulldog yelled, slamming his big paw on the counter.

"So, like, fish wearing clothes, and riding bicycles and going to shops?"

"EXACT-- well, I suppose it wouldn't make much sense for them to be wearing clothes, underwater would it?" Big Bulldog asked.

"It does sound like it would weigh them down. Certainly make them more vulnerable to predators."

"Well, still, there is a land for people like us, but underwater."


"Yes," Big Bulldog replied. "It's called the Mermaid Imperium. And you're going to help us find it."

Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting.

Spaz Skunk 9/15/2021 10:51pm

"How do you know this is safe?" yelled Badger Bijan.

"I don't!" I yelled back.

Ceiling tiles and pieces of paneling were still falling, but it seemed this strange, ancient airship was coming to life. And rising.

It was clear the dashboard of jewels and bone knobs was that of some antiquated airship, and this room was the bridge. The entire top of the palace of the barbarian queen had been built around it, and had absorbed it with cheap facades, like a movie set built to hide a glorious airship. But the balloons were still full, and with a little bit of rocking back and forth, the props were clear. We were tearing ourselves away from the top of the palace.

"But our brothers and sisters in capivity! Chip and Chinchilla and Ermine Stoat and the rest! What will become of them?" asked Bijan.

"If I'm not mistaken, they should be along for the ride. There!"

A passel load of our furry compatriots emerged from the curtains leading into the bridge. While shaken up, they let us know the grand hall and quarters of the court were safe -- all part of the original structure of this mighty, previously dormant airship. Perhaps it was one like I'd seen before at the docks, with its tiered decks and Rococo balustrades and ribbons and sails. Probably not looking too great now, but at least she still had lift.

We shook off the last of the scaffolding and plaster connecting us to the palace, and drifted over the grounds of city in the afternoon sun. It was an ugly maze of ruddy bricks and dirt, and walls and towers. Most of the people below were scattering.

"Watch out!" cried Franzine Foxx, as a burning ball of tar crossed the sky outside the forward viewport, flung from a catapult below.

Apparently not all the natives were scattering.

"Full steam ahead!" I cried.

Harry Otter 8/2/2021 11:07pm

The cute little big eyed tarsier pressed the knife harder into my shin.

"Okay! Okay little fella, you just hold on there..."

He gave it a poke and I leaped back on one foot, into an alley.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

The tarsier leapt on its hind legs and followed me, brandishing the knife.

What kind of world was it where such wild beasts roamed? Not only was this one armed, but mute as well. In another world--my world--we could have been fast friends, or at least had a discussion. I could tell that this creature was of the non-speaking, unintelligent variety. Because it wore no clothes--a savage. What world bred such silent, vicious, furry creatures?

At the end of the alley was a ramshackle door with a sign above it. ᏗᎦᏗᏕᎴᏗᏕ it read. No idea what it meant.

"Ow!!! Ok! Ok already..."

Apparently the tarsier and I had business inside.

This is Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting.

Spaz Skunk 6/18/2021 11:58pm

"Ready mate?"

Badger Bijan says he knows a secret passage way. I've got nothing else to lose, so...

We're finishing a tea of lemon sandwiches and cream.

"Lead the way!"

Badger Bijan swings his black and white head behind the curtains, then disappears in its folds. I follow suit.

It's a long, dark, narrow passage way. Framed with plywood, or whatever cheap scaffolding they have in this world. Light seeps in through the occasional peep hole or hidden door.

"Get ready we're almost there!"

We pass from behind another curtain into a large, circular room full of dust. And control implements. Dashboards of gems and spinning wheels. Diamond screens gone dark. Ivory toggles in mahogany settings.

"Nobody seems to know what it's for," says Bijan.

Harry Otter 5/4/2021 10:28pm


"Mmmmmph. Uhmmmmph mmmph."

God I have no idea what these giant smelly soldiers are saying. I found some of their robes on the Moonbeam, and I barely fill them out, but nobody really seems to care. Maybe they just operate on smell. In which case these robes will get me a long way.

So I'm shuffling around on the streets, trying to figure out, well, where I am, where my friends are, and if I can even find my way back to the airfields, when I feel a little tug on my robes.

Instinctively, I cover my head. I hate getting hit.

Nothing happens. But there's another tiny tug.

I look down and there, amongst the garbage and squalor of the street, it the cutest little big eyed tarsier I've ever seen.

And it has a knife. Pointed directly at my---


This is Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting.

Spaz Skunk 3/23/2021 10:45pm

"Squirrelly Acres, chief."

"Franzine Foxx."

"Billy Badgerton, at your service, guv!"

It was a great wide hall, filled with pillows and low tables and hookas and chocolate fountains. Greens and blues and purples and great soft drapes and open windows.

"Howlin' Wolf. Awooooooo!"

"Toady McEvershine. Burrrrp."

"Whims Wormington."

Well that last chap was a bit odd. But overall, I find myself introduced to a giant room full of... people like myself.

"Chip Monk!"

"Wilma Wolverine, cheers."

"Ermine Stoat."

I mean, it's like a convention in here.

"Pleased to meet you I'm Chinchilla Devine."

"Weasel Least."

"Bridget the Boar!"

How many of us are being held captive here?

Harry Otter 2/8/2021 9:11pm

Test, test... come in @Captain Jack Fenris. @Strange Katz. Anybody there?

I don't think anybody can hear us on this frequency. Because they don't have radios here! Or cell phones. Or microwave ovens.

The Moonbeam was underway for, well, days now. I lost track. But I'm holed up in a broom closet and there isn't a porthole, and I haven't been able to sneak out on account of the especially smelly soldiers who have taken the ship over.

But the ship came to a halt, and they've seemed to disembarked.

If you're on the ship--and not captured and thrown in some dungeon somewhere--it seems like to coast is clear.

I'm leaving the broom closet to explore the ship an see where we are...

This is Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting.

Spaz Skunk 12/28/2020 10:52pm

"Step forward, creature!"

Everybody's looking at me. The barbarian queen lounges on her huge throne, while the entire hall of her musky robed warriors trembles in fear before her.

"Gooooo!" one of them whisper hisses at me, and gives me a kick.

After days of forced march through rough land, we arrived at massive stone gate, cold and foreboding. It took even more days before we reached a huge fortification of towers and walls and more towers. After days of travel through its warren of tunnels and alleys, we waited for days in a dungeon, before being brought before their queen.

"And it is not merely a fur coat? Some kind of costume?" she asks.

"No, my queen," one of the soldiers stammers. Probably a general or something. "And the tail is real too."

"Excellent. Give it a bath, then introduce it to my court."

Harry Otter 11/10/2020 10:38pm

Psssst hey everybody. I have to whisper because I'm hiding the in the midshipman's broom closet. Actually, in the secret compartment in the midshipman's broom closet where he keeps his secret stuff. Did you know about this? Wow he's really got some stuff in here.

Anyway there were just too many of those very large and smelly soldiers boarding the ship so I hid. I am making my log post via personal assistant locket. Just like I gave you all in your gift bags at my last birthday.

Is there anyone there? I know they took @Spaz Skunk off the ship. In chains. That's when I hid! I mean, there was no way I could take them on. I'm just a radio operator! And they have armor. Or robes or something. And they don't take baths.

Oooo. I feel the ship moving. Can you feel that? They're taking the Moonbeam.

@Captain Jack Fenris are you receiving??!!!

This is Communications Lt. Officer First Class Harry Otter, reporting.

next 10 >