Doctor Argosa

The Mephitis

2/24/2023 11:59pm

SUBJECT: @Captain Pirate IX

The subject sits on his cot reading a book. Later, he will likely spend an hour stretching and working out on the exercise bike, then prepare a small microwave dinner in the kitchenette.

Viewing hours end at 8pm, at which time the CCTV screen is deactivated, and the subject leaves the small cell to return to his family for the night.

This is because the subject in the mock Droste containment chamber is not Captain Pirate IX. Naturally, no one can view Captain Pirate IX without being subject to the Droste Effect, contained and controlled as it is in the real Droste containment chamber. This subject is on display for informational purposes only.

The real Captain Pirate IX exists in concrete constraints at the center of the real Droste containment chamber, straining against the maddening effects of his eigenstate looping at the speed of thought from one reality to another and back again to ours, spinning, spinning, jiggling in a bottle like a radioactive jumping bean, the fulcrum point of the grinding crush where realities meet, allowing us to generate enormous amounts of power.

Or at least that's how he was described, in the original blueprints. Naturally, no one can view Captain Pirate IX without being subject to the Droste Effect. The original engineers sealed themselves within the Droste containment chamber in order to maintain the power couplings, and ensure that Captain Pirate IX remain restrained.

It is believed that continuous exposure to the Droste Effect will leave both Captain Pirate IX and the engineers effectively immortal.

The Mephitis

6/18/2022 11:54pm

"--and it is at this moment that the wave function collapses and reduces to a single eigenstate. Next slide please."

I take a moment for a drink of water. La Paz is hot this time of year. And this lecture hall is stuffy.

"Now, as you can see in this diagram, this new eigenstate exists in an entirely different universe. But those in the immediate proximity of @Captain Pirate IX during these events actually witness the change, as their own quantum states undergo an abrupt transformation, but retain information--in the form of memories--of the prior eigenstate. This is how scientists were first able to identify and harness Droste Energy, which powers the great cities and standard of living that all of us enjoy today. Any questions?"

My students look as lost and bored as ever.

"Yes, uh, I have a question, @Doctor Argosa!" calls a small voice from the shadows up high in the back. I don't even know their name.

"Katz Spindle, third year, sir."

"Yes Katz. Your question?"

"How do you keep it stable? The source, that is.@Captain Pirate IX. Why aren't we just flipping channels wildly all the time?"

"Ah, excellent question, Katz. You see, unless one is right there to observe the change--to be part of the change--then nothing changes. Everything--all of this--" I gesture across the room and towards the large open windows and the colorful city beyond, "has always been here... had its own history, arrow of time and all that. The rest of us haven't gone anywhere. It's @Captain Pirate IX who's flipping. And that's what provides the power. Like an engine..."

The Mephitis

11/21/2021 11:29pm

The light opened my mind like a hall of mirrors, and I could see myself in all reflections.

"Doctor are you getting this? this? this? this?" the Captain asked. Our reality frame was stuttering, due to the buffering.

My own hall of mirrors stretched before me, most recent moments first, followed by earlier moments, then the earlier moments to those moments, on and on and on, all neatly filed like folders in a filing cabinet. From one perspective it seemed like it must go on for millions of miles, but from another perspective you could see how they were coiled, like movie film, then telescoped out, like a snail's shell, into a kind of cone or paty hat.

"Yep, it's all pretty clear from up here. here. here. here," said the Captain.

"What is it they are looking for, I wonder. wonder. wonder. wonder," I said.

"Perhaps they're looking for the point. point. point. point," said the Captain, pointing his finger at the very pinnacle of the spiral above us. The eye of the storm.

@choco loni was already taking aim.

The Mephitis

7/5/2021 10:23pm

"Yes, absolutely. To the top! Onwards! Towards the caldera!"

After rescuing us in the nick of time, there was some confusion on board The Mephitis as to our next step.

"We've come this far, and look--the Ice Zephyrs are turning away! This is obviously the safest direction."

Looking back down the snowy slopes, the wardens of the Ice Hotels had given up the chase. Their pet Ice Zephyrs had been called back, and their security forces had stopped short of the slippery end of the ice bridge.

Following his near-death experience, the Captain was even more indecisive than usual.

"Well... I dunno..."

The top of Mt. Skell loomed above us. The rim of the caldera beckoned.

"Seems like we've got a clear path if we want to turn around and run," the Captain continued. "Maybe the Paranormal Skyways Authority will cut us a little slack if we don't push it..."

@choco loni looked at me in askance. We both had business at the top of that mountain.

"Uh... sirs?" It was the ensign at the helm. "The situation is developing. Look!"

Out of the caldera, a huge metallic saucer was emerging. It quickly filled the sky above the mountain -- a metallic green dome throbbing light at its base. The air filled with a magnetic hum.

The Mephitis

2/25/2021 11:16pm

Well that was a chilly reception if there ever was one.

While no doubt the science here is spectacular and far exceeds anything I've seen, the diplomatic skills and manners of the denizens of Mt. Skell could use a great deal of work. No beverages offered, and none accepted (though the Captain has been quite bare faced in his attempts to add them to our coffee distribution network).

They deny any knowledge of my errant Thunder Devil, or of @choco loni's poor lost bullets. And after what could be deemed more of an interrogation than a discussion, we find ourselves captive in a cell made of ice! Well, while it is a rather well apportioned suite with separate bedrooms, bathrooms, a jacuzzi, and a view of the city, it is in fact constructed entirely of ice. And we are not allowed to leave.

But I just know that Māui, my stray Thunder Devil, is near by. Not just because of the gut feelings a parent has for a child, but also because I am able now to triangulate his whereabouts through my tuning fork astrolabe. He resides somewhere in the direction of the caldera of this extinct volcano. Could the lost bullets be there with him? And how could we break these luxurious ice shackles that bind us?

(That is of course a metaphor, as we are not actually wearing ice shackles.)

The Mephitis

10/12/2020 10:17pm

"We're passing over into Paranormal Skyways Authority country," announced the Captain. "I hope you two are happy."

Neither @choco loni nor I were what you'd call "happy." Both of us had lost parts of ourselves, and watched them streak across the sky to Mt. Skell. We knew we were putting the Captain's license in jeopardy. Or at least a few fines. We'd pay him back ourselves if it came to that.

You could feel the ship bump softly over the ley lines--magnetic fences designed to remind you certain airspace is off limits--when suddenly everything went topsy-turvey.

"Ooof! Excuse me, @choco loni." The ship had listed hard larboard and I found myself in her lap. Furthermore, the sky had grown dark and there was a tremendous buffeting of winds around us. Could it be? Dare I hoped?

I rushed to the portal--and saw then screeching against the night--

SCRREEEEEEEEE!

No mere Thunderdevils we these.

They were Ice Zephyrs.

SCREEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKRRCHHHHHHH

And they were tearing the ship apart with their icy spines.

The Mephitis

6/14/2020 9:29pm

One of the landmarks that lets you know you're entering northern Calafia is the massive feature on southern tip of the western volcanic chain, known as Mt. Skell. Spotters on the bridge noted it this morning, and took the necessary course corrections, since the airspace to this day is restricted by the Paranormal Skyways Authority.

Unfortunately, it was at this same time that I was letting Māui, my stray Thunder Devil, out for his morning ablutions. I've been letting him out just twice a day -- at dawn and late at night after last watch -- in order for his existence on board to remain secret. No reason to implicate more of the crew in my own tiny crime of sentient meteorological entity smuggling! Of course it would be wonderful to give him more "run around time" but I just hadn't been able to risk it.

Well, until this morning, that is. As soon as I opened his wunderbottle, Māui shot off like a bullet to the north. Straight for Mt. Skell.

I guess it's time to let the Captain know about our stowaway.

The Mephitis

2/19/2020 9:32pm

Before entering the Calafia economic zone, we had to submit to the regular border patrol. While we had the proper papers for the coffee and Kahlúa in the hold, and somehow @choco loni never has a problem with her exotic ammo (likely she has bullets that she hides other bullets in), I had to give up my collection of captive Thunder Devils. Apparently my Sentient Weather Anomaly handler’s card had expired, so the entire twelve pack was confiscated by the jack booted thugs. I begged to be permitted to release them back into the wild, but the authoritarian half wits claim international eco-airspace jurisdiction of a ridiculous 300 aeronautical miles around the border, the the detour was too great for The Mephitis’ current schedule. I can only hope that they are found good homes in an open range storm zoo, and not dissected on some mad meteorologists’ table.

The twelve pack was a convenient distraction, because none of the simple minded border goons then thought to look in the scientific grade Hydro Flask in the sling over my shoulder. Our little runaway Thunder Devil had been through too much to be given up to such ruffians! I have named him Māui.

The Mephitis

10/24/2019 11:27pm

My pet Thunder Devil has yet to consume us. Whether this is related to its still relatively small size, or some sense of familial gratitude I can not be sure. It was merely a pup when we first released it from its wunderbottle, and it's quite possible it has formed an bond with me as a father, or the ship itself as a mother.

In either case, the Mephitis remains locked in the top of its howling funnel, rotating slowly as the Thunder Devil continues growing in size, feeding on the desert sands below. Apparently this area of the desert was once the floor of an ancient ocean, and the sedimentary rocks are rich with iron--the favorite (and most nutritious!) food for growing Thunder Devils.

While we remain momentarily safe from being sucked into its slowing growing maw, I continue my experiments in communication. @choco loni, @Captain Pirate II, the rest of the crew, and even the Japanese camera team have all assisted in hanging wind chimes of specifically calibrated frequencies all around the ship. I continue to take measurements and study, hoping to find a harmonic method communicating with our gusty young friend.

If I am unsuccessful, the ship will no doubt be crushed by the ensuing maelström.

The Mephitis

7/11/2019 11:27pm

After barring the camera crew from my lab, I began the delicate process of removing one Thunder Devil from its wunderbottle. Yes, normally such a procedure should only be done in a specially equipped lab, but this particular Thunder Devil had been injured in the process of netting it, and I was concerned it needed attention. Its thrashings in the wunderbottle had become far more faint than the others, and let's be honest none of us really know what happens inside those things, am I right?

So I've rigged up a temporary playpen for it while its little funnel sets and its spiral updraft straightens out. Poor thing.