SHIP'S LOG:

Golden Stone

Mr. Northwind 2/1/2020 6:49pm

When @Eugene Icicle uncorks my wunderbottle, I'm ready to blow my coldest. Cold for the gold!

And speaking of gold, it's that @Auric Bomburst I swoop after, down through the open chute in the dance floor, rushing down down down at the speed of sound through the clouds below.

Now what happened to that tough customer? We can't lose another to the winds like this!

WHOOOSH and there he is. I overshot.

Time to blow him back up to the ship, warm up his frozen fingers and toes, and let him rethink how he treats the help.

You didn't think we were just going to let him splat, did you?

Boatswain Bob 12/28/2019 2:50pm

DING DING DING DING! When I ring that bell with capital letters that means you better pay attention! I wouldn't risk cracking that golden bell if it weren't for something serious, especially when things are getting HOT! Everybody clear the dance floor, except you, Mr. @Auric Bomburst! You stay right there on the Golden Stone logo, right there in the middle of the dance floor, right over that crack. That's right, good, stay right there while I pull this golden lever....

Number Two 11/12/2019 7:22pm

Boy I wish @Rosalina (Rosie) weren't so busy piloting the ship, so I wouldn't have to make a gosh darn decision like this on my own! I'm Number Two, second in command, which means I usually don't have to do much 'cept repeat orders! Twice! But when a customer is causin' a ruckus, disturbin' the peace on the Golden Stone, we've got to get back to chilllax, stat! We've got to keep things cool, and when a hothead like @Auric Bomburst starts burnin' the place up, somebody's got to keep things frosty. And I guess that somebody's me!

@Boatswain Bob, get ready to pull the chute! It's time for an arctic blast.

Mr. Northwind 10/5/2019 5:58pm

Without @Eugene Icicle to keep me in check, I'd freeze the huevos right off a customer like Mr. Bomburst.

But Eugene knows how to keep me tamed, corked up in my wunderbottle, singing the icy spells beneath his breath. He only lets me loose when there's a proper spill to chill, or otherwise keep our golden cargo from getting the cracks and splits.

No, no, I'd never freeze a customer. That'd be bad for business.

Auric Bomburst 8/28/2019 9:59pm

Yes! I called your name, you filthy little bird, strewing your feathers and dung on my first class golden ticket! I'm the reason for this whole she-bang! The customer! And the wealthiest one by far. Can't you see my golden rings, my golden chains, my golden grillz to boot? Well I'll show you my golden boot unless you bring me my Goldschläger pronto, you proletarian penguin!

Oh my dear you've raised me now, my temperature is going sky high! My gold is starting to fracture and crack, and the ice around me starting to melt. Didn't I read in the brochure you've got some bloke who takes care of that with his icy breath? A @Mr. Northwind, I believe, the coldest blower in the skies? I wouldn't have taken a ticket on this golden garbage scow if I hadn't heard you had the best.

Bring him to me now, I demand! I have need of his frosty airs.

Squawky McWaddles 7/28/2019 11:02pm

Did somebody say @Squawky McWaddles? That's me! Penguin Pvt. First Class Squawky McWaddles, racing round this floating ice rink bussing tables with the other Penguin Privates, moving sheets of ice for windowpanes, delivering eggs from the Snow Chickens, and serving ice-cold martinis to those over 21. On top of being c-c-c-cold, the Golden Stone is old, and quite expansive, and we've only just returned from our circumnavigation of the pole! We scaled frozen waterfalls up bifurcated stairs, pulled ourselves up ice ladders with our teeth, hoisted ourselves up the final spiral to the tip of the candy cane pole, which we slid right down to meet you here.

How may we be of service?

Young Jim Rabin 6/29/2019 8:30pm

I'm the Gold Toss-up Boy on the Golden Stone. And boy do our first-class passengers ever toss it up! Heaving over the bilge, oofing it over the guard rails. Gold gold gold gold gold, splashing and sloshing out of their gullets and onto the floors! Good thing the decks are kept so cold--the spewed-out gold just rolls like mercury balls in all directions, raining down stairs like pachinko, and causing @Squawky McWaddles and his penguin staff to skitter comically around the floors, skating across the ballroom on their flippers, tea towels draped over their flightless wings, great silver platters crashing down.

"Hey Young Jim! Clean up on Deck 10!"

Donald R. Stephenson 5/30/2019 9:17pm

White gold wielder, fissure crack healer, precious metal pot dealer, golden treasure mender... Sometimes you've abused your gold and haven't kept it cold, and it lands in our hold looking crusty and old. Who's a gonna fix it? Who's a gonna kiss that gold and make it better? That's right, it's me, Dr. Donald R. Stephenson, gold metal whisperer and icy lip kisser. My breath warms the cracks just enough to smudge, and I let my fingers do the rest. I'll massage your gold the whole night through, and leave you shiny and new in the morning.

Kurt Stingray 4/30/2019 10:47pm

No doubt you recognize me. My audacious brow, my pouty snuzzle, and most importantly, my long, golden locks of simian fur, combed neatly over my head and down into the rest of my luxuriant pelt.

That's right, it's me, Kurt Stingray, mascot and spokesmodel for the Golden Stone.

I was rescued from one of those cigarette smoking monkey test farms--just like Axel Rose! His hair is kinda like mine, but I feel I'm more like Kurt Russell in his heyday. Don't call it a mullet! It's golden and silky all the way down, baby. ;)

When I'm not spending time at a photoshoot, being waited on by my many attendants, you can find me poolside reading the Economist, making sure that gold is still the only way to fly. So long as there's people who collect it, they'll need to keep it refrigerated in airships for transport, so there will always be a need for our services. And the full head of golden hair that I provide gives them a sense a virility, and wild primitiveness--the same feeling hoarding so much gold gives them too.

As long as there's people who worship power, there will always be room for a beautiful monkey like me.

"Hey baby? How about a little more conditioner, huh?"

Billie Billet 3/31/2019 10:19pm

Can I see your golden airship ticket, please?
I'm afraid your passport has expired.
Do you have a second piece of identification? Some gold perhaps?

Gold is the language of the skies, and if you want to fly you'll speak it to me! I'm Billie Billet, Airship Ticket and Check in Agent for the Golden Stone. And I'll need to see your child's birth certificate.

How many bags are you checking?
Are they filled with gold?
Will you be bringing a carry-on bag?
Did you bring a warm wrap for the cold?

I'm afraid that bag exceeds the size by double.
Give me the gold in it now, and I'll make sure you have no further trouble!

What do you mean you won't give me your gold?
Do you see this large stick in my hand?
Would you like a wheelchair?

You'll board at Gate 7.