SHIP'S LOG:

The Mephitis

Captain Pirate II 1/13/2021 11:25pm

"That's funny. The damage doesn't look as bad from out here," I said, trying to cheer @choco loni up. She was still nursing one of her big bullets back to health, tools sprawled out across the deck.

But it was true. The Ice Zephyrs hadn't been gouging holes in the hull. They'd just been scraping it with their ice blade wings for purchase on the rivets and bands. Once they grappled on, they effectively gained control of the ship, and have been driving us straight for that snow capped volcano. Mt. Skell. There it was, looming massively before us.

"What? Oh, my spyglass. Excellent, uh, ensign, is it? What's your name?"

I forgot it immediately, of course. I'm terrible with names.

"Oooooo! Ow!!! Ice cream headache!!!!"

That eyepiece was mighty cold. I breathed on it a bit.

Mt. Skell. I'd seen images of it on a stereograph, but we always knew those images were doctored. How else would they have put in the little flying saucers, and hairy man bodies? So seeing it in person was really something. It was so... big... and white... and, well, I can't really tell what I'm looking at.

"Captain," said @choco loni.

"What?" I turned.

She pointed up ahead. WOW how did that get there? The spyglass was magnifying things so much, and I guess we were closer than I thought. There, nestled in a valley halfway up the mountain, was a city of magnificent spires. Towers like great white shards, carved from frost. The Ice Zephyrs threaded us through the enormous structures, to a landing field with a mooring post.

And next to the mooring post, a small group of people, bundled in great fur robes.

Guess it was time to meet the welcoming committee.

"Anybody interested in a bottle of iced khalua and cofee?" I called down.

No? No takers?

choco loni 11/30/2020 11:51pm

arktika! sibir! rossiya!

i fired my ice breaker bullets off the port bow, chasing the ice zephyrs into the night. horrid creatures, ice zephyrs. grinding, interlocking jaws made of crystal, shrieking wings of razor sharp shards of frozen death. but they know enough to run from an Ice Breaker. Or three.

fzzzzzzwrrr... fzzzzzzwrr... fzzzzzzwrrrrrr....

it's sibir, spiraling back to the deck to land with a plop at my feet. something's the matter with his fins, they've been shredded.

fwwwoooomp

rossiya lands hard on the deck, breaking a plank. she's been sliced nearly in half, her delicate mechanisms spilling out on the floor.

ffffrreeeeeeeeeeesssssshhhhhh!

rossiya shoots past us, out of control, heading for the surface.

three of the best trained ice breakers i've ever known. chewed up and spit back at me.

"looks like you're up, yamal," i let her know as i gently slide her into the chamber. "guess it's gonna be a hot one tonight!"

Doctor Argosa 10/12/2020 10:17pm

"We're passing over into Paranormal Skyways Authority country," announced the Captain. "I hope you two are happy."

Neither @choco loni nor I were what you'd call "happy." Both of us had lost parts of ourselves, and watched them streak across the sky to Mt. Skell. We knew we were putting the Captain's license in jeopardy. Or at least a few fines. We'd pay him back ourselves if it came to that.

You could feel the ship bump softly over the ley lines--magnetic fences designed to remind you certain airspace is off limits--when suddenly everything went topsy-turvey.

"Ooof! Excuse me, @choco loni." The ship had listed hard larboard and I found myself in her lap. Furthermore, the sky had grown dark and there was a tremendous buffeting of winds around us. Could it be? Dare I hoped?

I rushed to the portal--and saw then screeching against the night--

SCRREEEEEEEEE!

No mere Thunderdevils we these.

They were Ice Zephyrs.

SCREEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKRRCHHHHHHH

And they were tearing the ship apart with their icy spines.

Captain Pirate II 9/1/2020 8:04pm

"Mt. Skell?"

"Yes captain," says @Doctor Argosa.

"Yes captain," says @choco loni.

"Well then let's go! What's the problem?"

"It's the airways, sir," says @Doctor Argosa.

"Paranormal Skyways," says @choco loni.

Dang it! They think of everything!

"Ok. Operation Ramen Throwdown. We continue on course, no change in speed."

"But my bullets sir," says @choco loni.

"My Thunderdevil!" says @Doctor Argosa.

"Cutting our loses." says I.

"Helm, steady as she goes. And whatever you do, don't cross over into Paranormal Skyways Authority country."

choco loni 7/23/2020 10:38pm

i've been having bullet trouble. practicing off the bow of the ship

pull!

i keep missing the mark.

pull!

my boomerang bullet pulls to the north and refuses to return.

pull!

i send my shepard bullet after it, but it doesn't return. it keeps heading north too.

pull!

i send my eat-em-up bullet after them. i keep my eat-em-up bullet half starved so it's hungry when i need it. it always comes back. but not this time. it chases them north and doesn't return.

pull!

i send my last chance, my come home come home bullet -- a nested bullet with a recursive charge that opens up and sends another recovery bullet every time it doesn't come back. forever. and it's still heading north.

towards that big mountain in the distance.

time to let the captain know about by bullet trouble.

Doctor Argosa 6/14/2020 9:29pm

One of the landmarks that lets you know you're entering northern Calafia is the massive feature on southern tip of the western volcanic chain, known as Mt. Skell. Spotters on the bridge noted it this morning, and took the necessary course corrections, since the airspace to this day is restricted by the Paranormal Skyways Authority.

Unfortunately, it was at this same time that I was letting Māui, my stray Thunder Devil, out for his morning ablutions. I've been letting him out just twice a day -- at dawn and late at night after last watch -- in order for his existence on board to remain secret. No reason to implicate more of the crew in my own tiny crime of sentient meteorological entity smuggling! Of course it would be wonderful to give him more "run around time" but I just hadn't been able to risk it.

Well, until this morning, that is. As soon as I opened his wunderbottle, Māui shot off like a bullet to the north. Straight for Mt. Skell.

I guess it's time to let the Captain know about our stowaway.

Captain Pirate II 5/2/2020 12:45pm

Ah, the Calafia Coast. Such luxury, on account of the magical resonance emanating from the crystal formations that underly the region. You can smell it in the air. It fills all living things with a healthy glow, encouraging MPP (Maximum Potential Presence) for flora and fauna alike. Everyone is full of it, but they're not smug. They're happy to share, and you can't help but get filled up on the energizing rays yourself.

"Hot tub party!"

"See you at the beach!"

"Hey drop by for dinner sometime. Vegetarian all right?"

There's a chain of floating coffee roasters along the coast for several hundred miles, who rely on us not just for the beans and Kahlúa, but for supply chain logistics, as it's easy enough for us to deliver to each roaster on the way. You can practically just smell yourself to the next floating roasting platform, the smell working its way into the eucalyptus and sea air.

They do love their coffee in Calafia.

choco loni 3/25/2020 7:27pm

i've got bullets that i hide other bullets in. bullets that open up like a nest of dolls, like a tackle box, like corpse's chest at the mortuary. you can lose yourself in those spaces. they open you up.

i've got bullets you can hide other bullets in. if you shoot them off it doesn't necessarily mean both bullets hit. one may be there, one may not. they are bullets inside of bullets.

i've got bullets inside of bullets, and a change of clothes inside of bullets, and some rainy day money inside a bullet, and a fake ID inside a bullet, and hope for the future inside a bullet. i've got my whole life packed away inside of bullets.

wanna shoot 'em off?

Doctor Argosa 2/19/2020 9:32pm

Before entering the Calafia economic zone, we had to submit to the regular border patrol. While we had the proper papers for the coffee and Kahlúa in the hold, and somehow @choco loni never has a problem with her exotic ammo (likely she has bullets that she hides other bullets in), I had to give up my collection of captive Thunder Devils. Apparently my Sentient Weather Anomaly handler’s card had expired, so the entire twelve pack was confiscated by the jack booted thugs. I begged to be permitted to release them back into the wild, but the authoritarian half wits claim international eco-airspace jurisdiction of a ridiculous 300 aeronautical miles around the border, the the detour was too great for The Mephitis’ current schedule. I can only hope that they are found good homes in an open range storm zoo, and not dissected on some mad meteorologists’ table.

The twelve pack was a convenient distraction, because none of the simple minded border goons then thought to look in the scientific grade Hydro Flask in the sling over my shoulder. Our little runaway Thunder Devil had been through too much to be given up to such ruffians! I have named him Māui.

Captain Pirate II 1/15/2020 10:29pm

サンダーデビル！

コーヒーについてこれについて考えましょう。

"Ah, again please Mr. Capitan Piratu!"*

サンダーデビル！

豊かに醸造され、素晴らしい味がします。

"Please, sir, Mr. Capitan Piratu! Can you please do it again but with more Hikōsen this time? Smolder with with it. Gambate Gokurosan!"

サンダーデビル！

くそファインコーヒー。

"CUT! Ok everybody let's take 15 minutes."*

The camera crew sets down their cameras and boom mikes. I set down the wunderbottle. This one's empty, but they'll stencil the new logo over it with CGI or something. Tell everybody it'll "put a wind in you" or something, coupled with the footage they took of us capturing the big critter.

In the wake of the little incident, the business guy in their team offered me a very tidy sum for the rights to the video they took of the Thunder Devil, and the name. They'll come out with our own brand under their distribution, and The Mephitis will retain royalties of 8% of net profit on all North American sales for 2 years, with an option to renegotiate at that time. I will admit I was still a little distracted getting the ship back shipshape and may not have negotiated the best deal that I could have.

The camera crew seems very satisfied with themselves for bagging such an unexpected windfall. But they're still not happy with my reading. I'm just having trouble understanding the motivations of @Captain Pirate, my former self and nemesis. Was I ever that person? I feel like an imposter, an actor doing an increasingly poor job of playing myself.

Anyway, next stop Bahía de los Ángeles, where we'll be dropping off the camera crew to meet their own company hydrofoil, and seeing what next adventure air commerce brings.

"We are ready again, Mr. Capitan Piratu! Please now, we want you to feel the strength of the airship within you, pulsing through your eyes. Show us the Thunder Devil!"

サンダーデビル！