SHIP'S LOG:

Araceli

Great Mama Two-hands 2/26/2023 11:52pm

The Pie Gobbler didn't start out by gobbling pies, though there are those who say he must have had the inclination inside him all along.

The Pie Gobbler started out by eating regular food, just like you and me. He had his share of macaroni and cheese, and cheese sauce on crackers, and dried beef on toast. He said it was fine but didn't think much of it, just like you and me.

But the day that the Pie Gobbler first tasted pie, everything changed.

For everyone.

Great Mama Two-hands 11/23/2022 11:43pm

Pie can be the healthiest food in the world. Pie can be the most unhealthy food in the world. Pie can be good. Pie can be bad.

You can make almost anything into pie. You can make an apple pie. You can make a meat pie. You can make a mud pie.

It all could be pie, depending on how you look at it, Jimmy Three-hands.

And there was one little fella who did. He's the one they call the Pie Gobbler.

Great Mama Two-hands 9/1/2022 11:19pm

Well Jimmy Three-hands you must be famished! Look at how you gobbled that pie right up. No wonder my pieces are going missing! You are chewing your way right through the scenery and into the future stealing the fresh pies and into the past stealing the stale pies and right here in the present chewing on the pies right in front of you.

Let Great Mama Two-hands get you another piece, and tell you a story about a pie gobbler. Now you might think this is a prelude to some kind of time-pie-shaming but oh Jimmy Three-hands you know Great Mama Two-hands better than that. There's no shame about time or pie when your intentions are right. And that's just the story you need to hear as you finish off that pie.

Would you care for another glass of fresh squeezed Strawberry lemonade before we begin?

Great Mama Two-hands 6/20/2022 11:55pm

Oh my Jimmy Three-hands you fit in just like a missing piece of pie! Just look how well you fill out that space here in my kitchen. It's like you never left. A piece of missing pie.

And what do you call the space left by a piece of pie, anyway? The piece of pie is easy enough to name, if it's cherry, or apple, or strawberry rhubarb. But what about the space it leaves behind?

And what happened to that piece of pie that used to be there, anyway? I'll cut you a fresh piece, Jimmy Three-hands, but what happened to the first one? Did I eat it? My mind must be getting away from me, Jimmy Three-hands.

Now you just sit right there and enjoy that piece of pie. And an ice-cold glass of strawberry lemonade. You look like you've got a load on your mind and it's time to forget all your troubles and just sit a spell and enjoy some pie.

Jimmy Three-hands 3/24/2022 8:10pm

"Meow?"

And just like that, the cat came back. She couldn't stay away.

--because we entered the proper Surprisal Zone, using the ancient codes and Physical Hieroglyph Notation at our disposal.

We picked the lock, and the happy family was reunited! Especially so after retrieving Little Good Terms Field Mouse from the well.

The cat is alive.

After a properly formal exchange of pleasantries and goodbyes, my obligation to Little Good Terms Field Mouse was complete, and I left their charming compound to return to the clean, airy kitchen of Great Mama Two-hands, and drink a glass of her ice-cold strawberry lemonade.

But which way was it back to Great Mama Two-hands kitchen? And a piece of pie?

Jimmy Three-hands 1/16/2022 8:41pm

Now both Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse and I were in a position to see the cat. But that only made two-thirds of a fact.

"Little Good Terms Field Mouse," I called. "Why don't you come over here and take a look in this well?"

"Aw I already spent a good time poking around that well, fishing around for dead cat, and there wasn't nothing. And I was thorough, Jimmy Three-hands."

"Oh I'm sure you were, Little Good Terms Field Mouse, but that was then, and this is now, so why don't you give it a little doublecheck?"

Little Good Terms Field Mouse scampered up to the edge of the well.

"I don't hear any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said.

"You just take a closer look."

"I don't smell any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said, bending his head over the well.

"You just take a closer look."

"I don't see any cat," Little Good Terms Field Mouse said, stretching his little mouse head deeper and deeper into the well.

And that's when Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse gave Little Good Terms Field Mouse a kick in the pants.

Jimmy Three-hands 11/23/2021 11:04pm

"Maybe the cat is both alive and dead," said Little Good Terms Field Mouse.

"He's always saying stupid things like that," said Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse.

"Yes you must use your Power of Discernment with intention," said I. "Here. Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse looked at me sternly through her spectacles again.

"Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse turned away.

"Let me clean your spectacles."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse handed me her spectacles.

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse's spectacles sure were dirty. Years of listening to Little Good Terms Field Mouse and his schemes. Years of listening to the Squeaky Acres Old Time Radio Hour. Years of listening to her own fears.

"Take a look now"

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse put her spectacles back on.

"The cat is alive," she said.

Jimmy Three-hands 10/3/2021 10:43pm

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse dusted herself off and walked right up to me.

"Our cat is missing and I need help bringing her back, Jimmy Three-hands," she said.

"The cat is lost in a quantum field, Jimmy Three-hands," she said.

"We don't know if the cat is alive or dead, Jimmy Three-hands," she said.

I knew just what kind of help Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse was looking for.

"The cat is alive," I said.

Jimmy Three-hands 8/20/2021 11:52pm

Little Good Terms Field Mouse led me through the woods.

Little Good Terms is a tiny creature, so much of the trip was following the wake of spurts of leaves and twigs he left along the trail.

After a long while, we came upon a clearing. There was a tiny mouse hole, and a well, and a tiny Field Mouse pulling weeds.

"JImmy Three-hands, this is my wife, Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse."

Big Hard-worker Mother Goddess Field Mouse looked at me sternly through her spectacles.

I could tell this one was going to be a difficult problem.

Jimmy Three-hands 7/7/2021 10:20pm

"Aw heck, Jimmy Three-hands," said Little Good-terms Field Mouse. "We've already started the process of a long-term and highly complicated lease-to-own arrangement with the Moles. I thought you'd be able to help us out right now."

Little Good-terms Field Mouse looked a bit disgruntled. And I was feeling a bit disgruntled. There I was just sitting down with Great Mama Two-hands for a glass of her ice-cold strawberry lemonade when this little Field Mouse asked me for help with three things. The first of these things was no small endeavor, but Jimmy Three-hands saw it through. The second of these things was no small endeavor either, but Jimmy Three-hands knew from experience that a direct approach was not a reasonable option. Now that glass of ice-cold strawberry lemonade was sounding mighty good, and I wondered if Little Good-terms Field Mouse might just call it a day.

"Well I'm not quite ready to call it a day, Jimmy Three-hands. If you don't might, I'd like to talk to you about the third of my three things."

"Lead the way, Little Good-terms Field Mouse."