Great Mama Two-hands

Araceli

4/25/2024 10:24pm

It was the lightning and the panic made him do it. And the hunger.

That scary old house was in his way. It was coming between him and his pies. The only way through, as the Pie Gobbler saw it, was to put it inside him. And all the pie inside it.

Now that pie face was as big as a house himself. And that made all the people flee in terror as he marched into the city.

Pie City, that is.

Araceli

1/3/2024 10:58pm

The Pie Gobbler became a Pieface. People would walk by his place and see him haunting in the windows and say "Who is that Pieface?" and "Did the moon come out tonight as a peanut butter pie?" and "He is missing a piece, that Pieface."

The Pie Gobbler was too hungry to hear them. He always had his mind on the next slice. But he could get no pies delivered, because the pie delivery drivers were too frightened of his scary old house. And he was too scared to leave his house full of half eaten pies.

It was a lightning storm one summer night that the Pie Gobbler ate up that scary old house, half eaten pies and all.

Araceli

9/20/2023 9:37pm

The Pie Gobbler's eyes were bigger than his plate. Oh he'd eat two dozen pieces a day, from two dozen different pies, with two dozen cups of coffee. But oh such a waste! The Pie Gobbler's house was filled with uneaten pies, pies with just one piece cut out of them, pies just sitting there and attracting flies. It was sad.

"Oh Pie Gobbler. Why don't you order just one piece? You can gobble all the pie you want, but you want more pie than you can gobble!"

"Leave me alone," the Pie Gobbler said. "I'll gobble as I choose."

Araceli

2/26/2023 11:52pm

The Pie Gobbler didn't start out by gobbling pies, though there are those who say he must have had the inclination inside him all along.

The Pie Gobbler started out by eating regular food, just like you and me. He had his share of macaroni and cheese, and cheese sauce on crackers, and dried beef on toast. He said it was fine but didn't think much of it, just like you and me.

But the day that the Pie Gobbler first tasted pie, everything changed.

For everyone.

Araceli

11/23/2022 11:43pm

Pie can be the healthiest food in the world. Pie can be the most unhealthy food in the world. Pie can be good. Pie can be bad.

You can make almost anything into pie. You can make an apple pie. You can make a meat pie. You can make a mud pie.

It all could be pie, depending on how you look at it, Jimmy Three-hands.

And there was one little fella who did. He's the one they call the Pie Gobbler.

Araceli

9/1/2022 11:19pm

Well Jimmy Three-hands you must be famished! Look at how you gobbled that pie right up. No wonder my pieces are going missing! You are chewing your way right through the scenery and into the future stealing the fresh pies and into the past stealing the stale pies and right here in the present chewing on the pies right in front of you.

Let Great Mama Two-hands get you another piece, and tell you a story about a pie gobbler. Now you might think this is a prelude to some kind of time-pie-shaming but oh Jimmy Three-hands you know Great Mama Two-hands better than that. There's no shame about time or pie when your intentions are right. And that's just the story you need to hear as you finish off that pie.

Would you care for another glass of fresh squeezed Strawberry lemonade before we begin?

Araceli

6/20/2022 11:55pm

Oh my Jimmy Three-hands you fit in just like a missing piece of pie! Just look how well you fill out that space here in my kitchen. It's like you never left. A piece of missing pie.

And what do you call the space left by a piece of pie, anyway? The piece of pie is easy enough to name, if it's cherry, or apple, or strawberry rhubarb. But what about the space it leaves behind?

And what happened to that piece of pie that used to be there, anyway? I'll cut you a fresh piece, Jimmy Three-hands, but what happened to the first one? Did I eat it? My mind must be getting away from me, Jimmy Three-hands.

Now you just sit right there and enjoy that piece of pie. And an ice-cold glass of strawberry lemonade. You look like you've got a load on your mind and it's time to forget all your troubles and just sit a spell and enjoy some pie.

Araceli

6/16/2020 7:11pm

I knew that Jimmy Three-hands was thinking about me on account of my pies. My pies were signing to me again, pushing their little hot voices up through their vocal vents. Signing in hot streams of strawberry steam and cherry air and blackcap raspberry breath.

"Three! Three! It is heeeeee!" they sang.

My three pies had all heard his song--the song my handsome Jimmy Three-hands. They could feel his three eyes seeing them from afar. They could feel his three nostrils each smelling their smell. They could feel each of his three hands each touching their crust.

"The threeeeeeeeeeeeee!" they cried.

The three tongues of JImmy Three-hands were on their way.

"Heeeeeeeeee!"

I better clean the kitchen.

Araceli

4/20/2018 8:48am

Jimmy Three-hands is so kind. Did you know he came to visit me in his wonderful airship? He made it out of comic books, and oh it is magnificent. The dots of his four color process filled the air with the scent of musty newsprint when he landed in my yard.

“Thank you for your delicious pies Great Mama Two-hands” he said when climbed down the ladder. He is so thoughtful. And handsome, with his three green eyes and three long tongues darting about as he whispers his kindnesses.

“I’ve picked some fresh berries,” I told him. “Would you care for a fresh smoothie bowl, Jimmy Three-hands? It’s a beautiful morning, and I’d love you to join me for some breakfast on this fine fine day.”

“Yes, Great Mama Two-hands, I’d like that very much. I’d like that very much indeed.”

Araceli

3/20/2018 10:07pm

Well I had a dream about JImmy Three-hands eatin' my pies! It was a wonderful dream. Would you like me to tell you about it? It was a beautiful summer morning at Jimmy Three-hands' cabin, and the mist was on the dew and the wild strawberries were ripe on their little vines, and the great translucent emptiness of Kiakiadori sat in the pond and rose up high into the sky, filling it with the dark void of the universe.

Jimmy Three-hands was just about to stick one of his three long tongues into one of my three warm pies when he had an idea.

"Wouldn't it be nice to have some fresh ice cream to eat with my pies?," he thought. "Kiakiadori could get me that ice cream, because he holds the entire universe inside him, and there's bound to be ice cream in there somewhere."

So Jimmy Three-hands walked on down to the pond and looked up at the giant Kiakiadori, which some people say looks like a slug, and other people say looks like a snake, but it's hard to say because it's transparent clear see-through and is filled with nothing but stars and space and nebula. Kiakiadori towered over Jimmy Three-hands.

"Hey Kiakiadori! I heard from Oyster Ray that you don't have the real universe inside you--just a finite baby microverse. At least that's what Oyster Ray told me."

The Kiakiadori shivered, and the space inside him shimmied.

"I told him I knew you had the real universe inside you and that I could prove it. All I need is to show him some evidence. Like, I don't know, how about a pint of ice cream? If you can give me a pint of ice cream from the universe inside you, then I'll show Oyster Ray and that'll be that! Whaddaya say?"

Jimmy Three-hands wrung his three hands looked up at Kiakiadori with his three eyes. He tried his best to look serious and honest.

Kiakiadori puckered a portion of its amorphous outer surface and turned it inward, bending the dimensions of spacetime and connecting with an ice cream stand somewhere in the universe where the workers wore white paper hats and the tiles were clean and it smelled like fresh sugar and milk, and returned with a pint of ice cream, which it put into Jimmy Three-hands' three hands.

"Thank you Kiakiadori! Thank you very much!" said Jimmy Three-hands, and he walked back to his cabin.

Jimmy Three-hands ate the ice cream and the pie. And now there's a new baby microverse inside of Jimmy Three-hands.


Oh don't you worry. I told you it's just a dream!