SHIP'S LOG:

The Flying Comrade

Ben Tater 2/7/2022 10:46pm

The Parsnip virtually drives itself. Well, there's nothing "virtual" about it -- it definitely prefers to drive itself.

I've named it the Parsnip, partially based on its color and shape, but also based on the owner's manual, which refers to it as the PARSHIP 2000. The P-A-R stands for Perambulating Amphibious Rover, with "ship" tacked on because it's so big.

"Destination, Captain?" the Parsnip asks.

"Uh..."

Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent, shrimp-sized (and morphologically shrimp shaped) leader of the Mermaid Imperium, gave me the Parsnip as an incentive to find the "little green man" who just happened to be the last sentient entity I interacted with before losing track of my friends. Because the few short moments I spent around the "little green man" seem to have turned into months or years for my friends back at our beach camp. And the Emperor apparently has his own axe to grind.

"You can find the Little Green Man?" I asked.

"Sensors are in place to detect traces of the anomalous presence," the Parsnip said. It sounded like a stewardess.

"You can adjust my voice if you prefer. We have a wide selection of---"

The Parsnip also seemed to have the same pesky telepathic powers as the mermaids themselves.

"No, no, your voice is fine. Can you locate the most recent Little Green Man... anomaly?"

"Calculating... calculating...."

The Parsnip seemed to be thinking hard.

"Anomaly detected. Permission to pursue?"

"Uh... sure?

"Would you prefer moderate mode, or high turbo mode?"

"Well, high turbo mode of course."

"You have five seconds to strap in. 5, 4, 3, 2..."

"Okay! Okay! Er, wait a minute, how do these---"

ROAR!

SLAM

ROAAAAAAAAAAR..........

Ben Tater 12/15/2021 11:59pm

"Don't forget to pop your ears!" was the last thing the mermaid said to me. Telepathically, of course.

The high-tech, multi-wheeled RV had been floated to the surface in a great bubble, and I was at the wheel, watching through the windshield. Slowly, the light from the surface became visible, then shoals of fish, more bubbles, and finally the frothy surface. We were just off shore, and armored sharks heaved the bubble to the beach.

*POP*

Oh ow! She wasn't kidding. Thankfully there was gum in the glove box.

The denizens of the Mermaid Imperium didn't come on shore. The hardly broke the surface. We'd said our goodbyes underwater.

I was left alone on the beach in my very own white 60ft cigar-shaped camper, with 12 huge bulbous wheels, and rooms I still hadn't explored.

Like the bathroom. Where was it? Luckily I think there was an owner's manual here in the globe box too... or maybe a map...

Ben Tater 10/24/2021 11:48pm

"So, you're a long way from home, huh kid?" said Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent, flitting ahead of me on his little shrimp tail.

We'd headed off down a dark hall behind the throne room. More of a tunnel, really, with just a thin line of bioluminescence lighting the way. The Emperor darted to and fro, and I struggled to keep up in my heavy lead boots.

"Truth is, we've got a mutual interest. A little green fella, about 2 feet tall? Actually his size seems to vary."

The little green man. I'd completely forgotten. I mean, a lot had happened in the past couple of days, but it was like that particular memory had been shrouded in a sort of fog...

"He shrouds his memory in a sort of mental fog," the Emperor continued, "but we can detect his activity. It's really hard to miss, if you know what to look for. You can't go around folding time like that without making big waves."

Big waves. I think I was getting sea sick again.

"And while I've got a big reach underwater, that little green fella likes to stay on dry land."

We turned a corner and came to a sort of hangar, or garage. In the center was a large vehicle with lots of wheels. Like a high-tech RV.

"I'd like to make you an offer, kid."

Ben Tater 9/7/2021 8:09pm

"Ah but if you could see through these shrimp eyes," said the Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent, sitting up on his pillow.

The emperor had a clear alto voice. Everyone in the Grand Hall was silent.

"I mean," continued the emperor. "I've got like, what, 19 photoreceptors in here? And all you've got is three! You can't even begin to imagine to see how I see you."

Someone in the crowd let out a single, tentative bubble.

I didn't know what to say.

"Aw I'm just messin' with ya, kid!" the emperor chuckled, rippling his little feathery legs. "Everybody's got their own perspective's all I mean."

"Well, that's certainly true."

"But who knows? Maybe I got other secret super powers you don't know about. Like zipping really fast over HERE---!"

The emperor had shot out of his throne and right up in my face, hovering next to my big glass helmet like a hummingbird.

"--and back HERE---!"

And he zipped back to the pillow on his throne, like he had never moved at all.

"Hey, c'mon. Let's go for a walk where we can talk," the emperor said, then drifted off slowly across the throne room.

Ben Tater 7/25/2021 11:56pm

WELCOME TO THE GRAND HALL OF PALACE OF THE MERMAID IMPERIUM

The Grand Hall of the Palace of the Mermaid Imperium was almost too much. At the very least, it made me forget how much I needed to go to the bathroom.

Everywhere were fractal wormholes I didn't dare look at too long. Spiraling tunnels of barnacles and clams and anemones and sea stars. Gothic arches of distant coral and crystal crags. And finally, after hours of approach, the throne of the Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent in the distance.

The path continued on and on. Deep vibrations of whale song and muted roars of primeval creatures underneath filled the hall, causing my mind to lose place and forget where I was. Which was in the cavernous throne room of the Emperor of the Mermaid Imperium, whom I only learned the existence of days ago.

Finally, the ranks of mermen and other militaristically outfitted troops in our entourage halted, and with a great fish-like GALLUMP and bubbles took parade rest along the narrow path up to the throne dais.

Slowly, with the mermaid behind me, I made the walk up the stairs.

"You're doing just great," she said, telepathically.

Finally, I made the ultimate step. There were festooned mermen with pikes, wavy seaweed and hydra, mermaids and seastars and dolphin women and ottery in bikinis drifting in the soft currents.

Amd at the center, in a mighty alabaster sea shell throne, Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent, Emperor of the Mermaid Imperium, snug in 6 red pillows.

The Emperor was a shrimp?

Ben Tater 6/8/2021 7:34pm

ENTER THE GRAND PALACE OF THE MERMAID IMPERIUM

One thing about the architecture of the Mermaid Imperium is that it's BIG. It's tall, and it's long. One city block goes on for a mile. Walls go up hundreds of yards. Part of it's because everything is lighter underwater, so gravity is less of an issue when building. And part of it is that nobody walks -- they either swim or scull or flit about -- so a hallway can go on and on and on but everybody gets there fast.

Oh, and bathrooms? There are no bathrooms. But let's not get into that.

So, not only was I the only real "walker" in our entourage, but the heavy lead boots in my diving suit (keeping me safely secured to the palace floor) made me even slower.

"Oh!" said the mermaid, reading my mind. "I'm sorry, I should have considered that? It's really so rare to have a land walker here in the palace I didn't even think. Oh Willy! Come here boy! Come here!" and she let off some kind of sonic dolphin whistle.

Suddenly, one of the lumps of stone I'd seen in the distance shifted, then wiggled, then came skimming down the grand hall. It's mouth was large enough to swallow me, and it got right in my face, wagging its tail.

It was the largest grouper I'd seen in my life.

"Climb up!" said the mermaid. "Mind the spines! We'll be with Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent in no time."

Ben Tater 4/26/2021 9:56pm

WELCOME TO THE MERMAID IMPERIUM

"Welcome to the capital of the Mermaid Imperium." It was the mermaid who found me on the beach. "I hope you enjoyed your journey."

Here voice was clear through the speakers in my helmet, which was a big glass bubble atop my diving suit. Her red hair floated around her head, and bubbles came out of her mouth, but her lips were out of synch with her voice.

"That's because I'm speaking in my underwater voice. The helmet translates. It's also telepathic, which I how I can read your mind."

I let that sink in.

"Ha ha! You said 'sink.' It's an underwater joke. You're doing great." She laughed, and tossed her hair in the current.

Sunlight sparkled down from the surface remarkably well.

"Oh, it's the polished giant clam shells. They hang at various intervals on kelp rope, all the way from the surface like a humungous chandelier, reflecting down into the capital to give us the daylight you see."

"And at night?"

"Then the Bioluminescence Brigade comes out! There's a parade, and a song that goes on and on and on... it's one of the things everyone comes to the capital to experience at least once in their lives."

We turned another corner of quaint shops and merchant stalls--manned by merpeople of all shapes and sizes, as well as sharkpeople, dolphinpeople, turtlepeople, urchin and octopeople--and beheld the palace gates, made of pearl and stretching high into the water above us.

"Right this way!" she chirped.

Ben Tater 3/13/2021 10:25pm

JOURNEY TO THE MERMAID IMPERIUM

The pearl bubble submersible was well apportioned. There was a comfortable couch, with a coffee table in easy reach, covered in colorful fashion magazines. I looked more closely and they were, in fact, mermaid fashion magazines. There was also a wet bar and a tiny WC tucked discreetly around a spiral corner in the back.

As it plunged beneath the surf, the iridescent sheen of the pearl turned transparent, and the undersea world opened itself before me.

Sure, there were shoals of fishes, passing whales, and bubbles. And there were shrimp and octopi and coral reefs and giant clams. But there were mermen too, and sharks in battle armor, and great jellyfish hauling watersleigh filled with starfish and baubles, all on their way down the underwater highway that leads straight to the capital, the seat of the Mermaind Imperium, and the residences of Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent himself.

Or so I was informed by the information overlay projected on the bubble of as it all passed by. Eventually I couldn't really focus on what was happening outside on account of the nausea. I was in the WC cleaning up after vomiting when I found some dramamine in the medicine cabinet.

I went back to the couch and closed my eyes. Just how far was it to the capital of the Mermaid Imperium?

Ben Tater 1/29/2021 11:58pm

"I bear an invitation, @Ben Tater," said the mermaid.

She sat perched on a wave, tail curled neatly beneath her. Long wavy hair with shells and starfish caught in it.

I stared.

"You have lost your friends and find yourself alone in a strange land."

She had that right.

"The Emperor Aeotherum Sateqo the Magnificent invites you to visit the Mermaid Imperium."

There was nothing for me here... but what if the Giant Guinea Pigs returned? And that tiny... green man? Now he seemed like an hallucination, but wasn't he somehow responsible?

I stared some more.

"You know, it's considered really bad form to refuse an invitation from the Emperor. Wars have been started for less."

I felt like I was about to lose it, frankly.

The mermaid shifted her weight and the wave lowered her into the water. Then a great bubble of pearl rose up from the water, opened a door and a gangplank rolled out.

"Hurry up!" she called, turning tail. "Tide's moving out!"

Ben Tater 12/18/2020 9:14pm

Gone. The whole crew of Giant Guinea Pigs, or former Giant Guinea Pigs now transformed via digital transubstantiation into something resembling human at least. But the point is they were my crew, my only friends in this unknown world, and not only had they left me on the beach, but left me in time as well. Months? Years? I had no idea.

I felt very alone.

“Don’t feel alone,” said a voice behind me.

There, appearing from out of the surf and the sunset, was a mermaid.