SHIP'S LOG:
The Crystal Skull
earliest post first | most recent post firstGuy Flay 5/18/2022 10:44pm
FLAY'S ROAST POISON SNACKS
So, uh...@Andrew.
I'm sorry the shipment turned out like this. We really thought you were going to be "the one." You know?
It's like, tell some somebody "No matter what you do, do NOT eat that apple!" and sure enough they do it. It's like they HAVE to. Maybe if we didn't tell people not to eat it then they wouldn't? But they ARE so salty and delicious.
CAUTION: ZOMBIFICATION
Anyway, as it's turned out like this, we do need to point out the fine points of the contract, under TERMINATION you'll see a section in small print on ZOMBIFICATION... yeah. Read that.
Though your crew might SEEM to have, uh, died, we believe they may be walking up right about.... now! But they're not your old friends, "the crew," but instead now mindless poisoned zombies, who will be seeking more, uh, "snacks," if you know what I mean.
TERMINATION
The only way you can put those poor creatures out of their misery now is to roast them. That's right, you've got to burn down your ship, The Crystal Skull. Just set the whole damn thing on fire! Do it over an ocean or Great Lake or other large body of water. That's the only safe way to really get rid of them at this point.
But ACT FAST! These aren't those slow, shuffling type zombies. Something in the poison makes them fast and quick. Faster and quicker than regular folks. And if you don't get the jump on them, they're liable to take over your ship...
And tell them Guy Flay sent you!
Andrew 3/1/2022 4:01am
We have arrived! The shipment is almost 100% intact! The crew is........................................................................................................
*Cough*
Let's not talk about where all my crew went.
Let's just say my crew is < 100% intact after this trip.
< 20% even.
You got your one shipment. From there, I'm no longer capable of doing more for you in good faith or with reliability. Don't ask where the crew went, let's just say they got hungry while they were a little tipsy.
-- END OF TRANSMISSION --
Andrew 2/27/2022 8:16pm
So turns out that roast poison snacks aren't exactly appealing to most unless you're my intern. I don't see why he thought they would be tasty as such a lucky permanently indentured unpaid s- Intern. Yes. Intern. It was all his choice... We are now one more crew member short. Nobody knew the guy anyways. The stock is virtually unaffected. My grandparents have ghosted me, citing that even a business degree would be more useful than this career, but this is going to be the new UPS - I can feel it. I think. Some of the poison stock gives off some dust, and as of late I have lost my taste and some feel while piloting this vehicle.
Andrew 2/27/2022 8:06pm
I, Andrew accept the crippling debt it caused me to purchase this airship and would like to thank myself for the job of delivering items free of cost until the banks repossess my family. At least it's the same airship Indiana Jones rode in! Oh wait... was this from the Nazis!?-
Everything is fine. I swear I'm not having a mental breakdown.
Guy Flay - 2/17/2022 1:26pm
Job claimed by Andrew 2022-02-27 20:06:16
FLAY'S ROAST POISON SNACKS
We need a steady contract for a regular delivery of Flay's Roast Poison Snacks to fill the roast poison snack racks at Zephyr Air Quick Stations in the Sector B Subcluster and Tri-cities region.
CAUTION: DO NOT EAT
In the past our shipments have suffered from being pilfered by the crews of our former franchisee owner operated delivery ships, who then of course die and their ships are left adrift, creating traffic hazards and occasionally transforming into marauding haunted zombie pirate ships. Eating of Flay's Roast Poison Snacks during transport is strictly prohibited.
PICK UP OUR CONTRACT TODAY
Drop by Flay's Roast Poison Snacks Distribution Center 665 for the mandatory optional aura scan and reference checks and you can be a proud deliverer of Flay's Roast Poison Snacks in no time.
And tell them Guy Flay sent you!