SHIP'S LOG:

Dragon's Tooth

SLYR 3/14/2018 8:20pm

A mermaid J.U.G.G.E.R.N.A.U.T. is on the horizon, so I have to record quickly. The mermaids launched a sneak attack in the middle of the night when we had paused to make repairs. It appears we were wrong about their restriction to water, for burst came out of the water riding Arjahexian Flying Squids, and latched themselves onto the engines of my airship! They dropped some blinking crystal orbs down the afterburner shaft before I could do anything, and then dove straight back under the waves! A few seconds later, the engines stopped responding, and when I went to see what was wrong with them, they were filled up to the brim with thousands upon thousands of sardines. We only just finished cleaning out the engines and suffice it to say the sharks will feast tonight. Speaking of sharks, I think that to get an edge over the mermaid imperium, I should try to enlist the Shark Tribe in my battle. The Shark Tribe is a warrior clan, so if I can get them on my side I bet I'll be able to rout the mermaids. The Mermaid Imperium is more technologically advanced than the Shark Tribe, but hopefully, the Shark Tribe's raw power and ferocity will be up to the challenge.

Clammy Hamsphere 3/12/2018 9:46pm

When the rain soaks through the roof it drips through the peely wallpaper on the ceiling and plops right down on the TV, but we can't blow another cathode ray because there's no one left in town to fix it. Old Ed Nix's Television Repair finally went out of business when old Ed Nix died, and no one would have even known if they hadn't begun to smell his decomposing body start to turn sour from the hobby shop next door. They've got all kinds of model rockets and WWII airplane kits and model railway scenery there, and my brothers and I like to browse even though it smells so mouldy. We'll spend all day watching the trains and comparing the paints. Once we bought $25 worth of N scale railroad people and trees and bushes and a little post office and set them up around the house, till my brother sat on a tiny ladder and that was the end of it because we lack health insurance.

But the rain let up and we unwrapped the tin foil from the TV and that's why we have been getting to watch War on the Mermaid Imperium. It's been super good, what with the special effects and the storybuilding and all, and my brother pointed out that nobody really wants the Mermaids to lose anyway because they're so cool, even if they are wicked and villainous, plus there are still those mythogeopolitical issues about instability in the Seven Seas if the Mermaid Imperium were to completely collapse. We dried out our popcorn and the soggy rocky road fudge bars out in the smoggy smog light and are totally excited to keep watching it because there's no other channels we can get right now anyway. And it's our favourite show.

SLYR 3/11/2018 7:07pm

We've lost our port turbines to a missile that sneaked through our defenses. I must say that this war with the mermaids has dragged on for much longer than I thought it would, and my hopes of winning the war are decreasing every day. Without some major, ahem, turning of tides, I'm afraid the mermaids will end up victorious...

SLYR 3/9/2018 6:08pm

It appears the DMDs short-circuited once placed into the water. While a major flaw in the design, I'm rather relieved we didn't end up going through with the plan. Still, we're going to have to find another way to achieve victory, and without our weapons of water destruction, it will certainly come at a higher price.

SLYR 3/9/2018 6:04pm

We have released Dihydrogen Monoxide Disintegrators, DMDs for short, to destroy the water at the capital of the mermaid imperium. While it was deemed necessary at the time, future generations will forever question whether it was right to do so. The ray shields surrounding the capital mean that the capital shall be left dry once all the water inside the shields is destroyed. My shipment of Amazon Autonomous Attack Drones arrived, so I shall use those to eliminate any resistance after we drain the capital.

I fear we might have gone too far, but it's too late to stop now.

SLYR 3/9/2018 5:43pm

The attack went as planned. Initiating Operation Future Desert.

SLYR 3/6/2018 6:29pm

It is the third day of The War on the Mermaid Imperium. Our particle scanners have located a small breach in the neutron shields defending the capital, just over 3 feet wide. The current objective is to set off an antimatter discontainment capsule right at the breach, hopefully causing sufficient damage to bring down enough of the shields to let the Dragon's Tooth sail through. Hopefully, the Merfolk have gotten complacent in their domed city, what with their autonomous missile turrets destroying all complex life forms that tread too near.

SLYR 3/4/2018 11:52am

It appears I am alone in my quest against the Mermaid Imperium. Today I arrived at the outskirts of their kingdom. They must have heard I was coming, for it appears they have constructed several surface-to-air missile turrets around the walls of their kingdom. I'll try to find a gap in their defenses, but finding a gap big enough to fit the Dragon's Tooth through is the hard part.

SLYR 3/4/2018 11:52am

It appears I am alone in my quest against the Mermaid Imperium. Today I arrived at the outskirts of their kingdom. They must have heard I was coming, for it appears they have constructed several surface-to-air missile turrets around the walls of their kingdom. I'll try to find a gap in their defenses, but finding a gap big enough to fit the Dragon's Tooth through is the hard part.

Clammy Hamsphere 3/2/2018 8:46pm

My brothers and I can't wait for War on the Mermaid Imperium to start. We are already preparing snacks like Jiffy Pop and Rocky Road Fudge Bars. We discovered a lot of rat poop in the cabinet behind the butter and then we looked and they had chewed a hole right through to the storm drain. It's this rain that's driven them all above ground my brother says. So he doesn't mind standing on the roof holding a coat hangar in the dark to help the reception if the show. Now if we can just keep the rats off the snacks until the new show starts it will be the best mid-season hiatus premier ever!