SHIP'S LOG:

Albion

Frem Trevor Seven 12/11/2021 7:20pm

Even at this great distance, the haunted doll parts speak to me. Their voices call from coffee cups and ashtrays and broken toys when I least expect it.

They tell me about their dreams. They dream of scratching backs and sharing beds. They dream of being loved. They dream of contentment and fulfillment.

Obviously they have not yet made their way to Silver Witch, Inc., 7797 THE MOORS to be dis-integrated. They have not performed the necessary exorcisms and absolutions.

I ask the captain of the Albion, @Emile Valentine, when this delivery will be completed and to deliver me from this madness.

Frem Trevor Seven, Assistant Clone Proprietor
Ancient and Unusual Scraps LLC

Frem Trevor Seven 10/18/2021 10:53pm

PARTIAL CATALOG OF SOUNDS PRODUCED BY HAUNTED DOLL PARTS

Mama
Soft weeping
Keening
Wolf howl
Chugga chugga
London Bridge is Falling Down
Garage Door
Atomic Bomb

Frem Trevor Seven, Assistant Clone Proprietor

Emile Valentine 9/3/2021 8:38pm

Emile Valentine here! I must say that the doll parts are quite useful! After their demands, I decided to listen to them and attempt to use one of their arms as a backscratcher.
The Back scratcher arm was Damn good I must say! The crew is giving me looks of course when I go down to sleep next to the parts, saying that me waking up cradling the cracked head of an old china dolls is "Real weird" Or, "frightening" But I say Phooey to those responses! I know they are just Jealous the pieces of the doll only talk to me!

Emile Valentine 9/3/2021 3:15am

A-HA! Captain Emile Valentine Returns, I know my crew is eager to return, considering that they have kept the ship Spic And Span and running with no need for me to return after my long stint in an ice-box running for the very edge of the world itself! several years between this world and the world beyond, and I return no worse for wear... aside from the screaming in my head, and the desire to rip out my own eyeballs, but haha! What captain would reject the chance to get an eyepatch or two 'eh?
Anyways, this container of doll parts does not scare me none! In fact... I must say that They give quite a.. calming influence.

Training Personality 7/21/2021 4:40pm

So, the first thing you're probably asking is "How can I see? How can I even breathe? What even is this place???!!"

Ok take a breath, you're kind of seizing up. Ah, there... just breathe.

Number one rule: don't worry about the details. There are METAPHORICAL ANALOGS that you'll get used to soon enough. Like, notice how you can see behind me, and inside of me, all at the same time? But it's not weird, right?

It's not weird, RIGHT?

This animated cartoon we're prepared will help:

You've made shadow puppets, right?

(two dimensional images of shadow bunnies and doves appear on a wall)

They look like what they are, but when you look at the hands...

(camera pulls back to show a pair of gnarled, clawed, webbed fingers)

Well they look very different, don't they?

Now, let's play with a cat on the bed.

(a large black cat lounges on a sheet)

Let's tease it!

(a finger moves beneath the sheet)

First I'm here...

(the cat paws at the finger)

Then I'm here!

(the finger suddenly pokes up in a different place, and the cat attacks)

Now I'm EVERYWHERE!

(fingers suddenly poke up all around the cat, which scares it and it leaps away)

If we look under the sheet...

(the sheet is pulled away, revealing a large, starfish shaped creature with one large eye and a gaping fanged mouth)

Just like the hands that make the shadow puppets, this little rascal looks very different from what it appeared to be as well!

So, while the world you formerly perceived appeared in a certain way, it was merely an inadequate and distorted perception of a higher reality. A TEN DIMENSIONAL reality! Which is where you are now. There is absolutely no higher reality than this one, because we can perfectly explain everything, including--

WATCH OUT IT'S THE INFINITY AMPLITUDE DRAGON! EVERYBODY HIDE!!!

training personality 5/3/2021 9:36pm

WELCOME! TO TEN DIMENSIONS!!!!

{DEAFENING EXPLOSIONS}

YOUR SENSE OF HEARING WILL ADJUST SOON. IT'S JUST THAT EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH

bigger in ten dimensions!

See? I told you you'd get the hang of it.

Don't be afraid. You're certainly not the first lower dimensional life-form to enter our dimension this way. And we're getting better at it all the time! Just relax, and this short training course will psycho-subliminally stimulate the appropriate modification sequences in your host vessel while teaching you interesting and important facts about living in ten dimensions.

And just to make things easy, we'll call your host vessel THE ALBION. How about that?

Now sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Frem Trevor Nine - 9/3/2021 3:13am

Job claimed by Emile Valentine 2021-09-03 03:13:39

Ancient and Unusual Scraps LLC

We have seven crates of haunted doll parts, and frankly we can no longer handle them. The chills. The nightmares.

Please take these off our hands and deliver them to the Silver Witch, Inc., 7797 THE MOORS. Silver Witch Inc. has agreed to perform the necessary exorcisms and absolutions -- we just need someone to get these crates there. And good lord there's no way it can be us. We can't even bear to be in the same room with them any more.

Please, please, please remove this crates for our sight before the entire staff at Ancient and Unusual Scraps LLC goes mad!

Find us in the third aggrandisement, Old Habitsform, suite 676b.

Frem Trevor Nine, Clone Proprietor

Yitzi Kashmee 4/22/2021 10:45pm

Welcome to the Wiggly Toe Waiting Room. No need to worry. Things will seem a bit strange while you acclimate. It's like having your whole body turned inside out. Your eyes will start working eventually, after they learn to see in 10 dimensions. Here, have a cold bottle of Ershlatz. I'm putting it in your hands now. I'm closing your fingers around it. Ha ha yes those are your fingers. But don't try -- no! -- ah you've poured it into your ear. No worries. You just sit tight and take it easy for awhile.

What? Giant worms wriggling behind me? Ah, no, that's just, well, one thing at a time. We'll need you to sign some forms. Set the bottle down here... oh whoops! No no it's fine, we'll clean it up later. No the papers are fine, totally dry. Now, here's a pen... feel that? Ok, just put your, uh, mark here. Just any scribble will do. Can't really expect you to figure out cursive at this level. Ah, great. Perfect.

Now you just lean back. Try to just relax your body all over. Yes.... you're doing great. Now, we've got kind of a helmet contraption that should help you retrain your senses. And there's a bit of explanation too. Ok, I'm slipping it over your head now. In a moment you'll start to see and hear a liminal training tape. Just relax, and let it flow into you. Don't resist it. Yes, any minute now...

Yitzi Kashmee 3/9/2021 11:09pm

Oh these base life forms can be so trying. Not difficult mind you; they're easy as pie. Trying in the sense that they're soooo booooring.

This particular brood were primate based, and responded to the keying rhythms as is their wont, with their sexualized dance moves, like the whip, and the nae nae, and the flossing. They were moved into the central delocation chamber and unravelled; that is, they were impelled to export/disgorge the entirety of their info-sets (ie, their life stories) via interpretative dance.

Well, that's a quaint way to say it. It may look like they are dancing, there, on the stone temple floor, surrounded by leering lizard men, centipede-fur tapestries adorning the walls. That's what it looks like.

But what you're seeing is merely the three dimensional shadow -- the tip of an unseen (and for you incomprehensible) iceberg. They move, they swirl, they dougie and they shake and they dab, but what you're seeing is just the jerky physical manifestation of information transfer at a much higher level.

My level. And that of my people. And let me tell you it's a WHOLE other level.

While you may see us as your run of the mill "lizard people," that is merely our corporeal manifestation in your world. In your dimension, if you will. It's like if I stuck my toe into your aquarium and you thought that toe was me! Well, that's not the best analogy, because my toe isn't a lizard at all.

Come, let me show you. You merely have to move your body like this... and like this... and then this.... Yes! You've got it! Keep moving that way, and come a little closer....

Magnus Arquebus 1/25/2021 11:46pm

"They're kind of a lizard people, Captain," says Ensign Fleabauge. "I saw some through the peep hole."

That would explain the musky smell. Desert bandits? First they strip our engines, and now they've taken us prisoner. Why not just slit our throats? Ransom? Who do they think would pay?

"Heads up! They're coming back."

We all back away.

BAM BAM BAM like a truncheon on the cell door.

The rattle of keys, and the door is kicked open by a heavy leather boot.

No one enters, and a simple, bongo beat starts up in the hall. But it's richer than a bongo, more like... a tabla? So resonate. So many different tones. It's mesmerizing. And intricate. And repetitive.

"Captain... I... I can't control my feet," says Old Adam Sol. "Can't control my toes!"

Indeed. We all seem to be... captivated by the rhythm. Bouncing with our knees, snapping our fingers, shaking our butts.

Then, the rhythm changes slightly, and I can't help but lead my small group out of the cell, in a single, unified conga line.