SHIP'S LOG:

Berrysoul

Slimp Bornornix 12/1/2021 10:31pm

And it's another beautiful day out here in Southwest Towfield with mild temperatures and a slight breeze out of the east with barely a cloud in sight as the giants take up their ropes and prepare for the Big Heave. Tormnob, can you describe to the viewers at home what exactly we're seeing here?

Sure Slimp. Here we have those mighty men -- truly giants among us --

That's certainly true, Tormnob

--these GIANTS among men who are the POWERHOUSE of our whole eco-nomblix, the every Orbnib Structure of the whole she-bang!

And how exactly do they do that, Tormnob?

Well, you can see that the miles and miles of fields out there are striped with wide ditches -- long strips of waterways, lined with concrete.

It's all quite "neat" isn't it Tormnob?

You bet it's neat, Slimp! And even neat-er are those gear teeth you'll see poking up just above the surface of each of those waterways, way on the far end. See that, Slimp?

I certainly do, Tormnob.

Well if you look closely, you'll see a sturdy rope tied to a mighty eyelet attached to each tooth.

A might eyelet, dear friends! Attached to each and every tooth.

That's right Slimp. Well, our giants come here each day to pick up that rope and puuuuuuuuuullll that gear tooth one more notch.

Just one more notch, dear friends!

But, as I think you're about to find out, it takes quite a bit of pulling from each and every giant to pull that gear tooth just one more notch.

And, here comes the starting giant. He's looking to his left, he's looking to his right.... it looks like he's just about to give the signal and... they're off!

Mr. Ixnorthorb 10/10/2021 10:32pm

Dum dum dum

I've got a human in my ear

Dum dum dum

Walking down the towpath

Dum dum dum

I got a human in my ear

Dum dum dum

"HEY! IXNORTHORB!"

Oh why is that loudspeaker so loud?

"GRAB A TOW ROPE AND START TOWING!"

Dum dum dum

Got a big tow rope

Dum dum dum

Dum dum dum

Nixnob, Giant Doctor 8/26/2021 10:43pm

Doctor's Log: The patient, a Mr. Ixnorthorb, complained of a persistent itch in his left ear. Upon examination, it was apparent that somehow a tiny human had taken up residence within his ear canal.

No doubt it was warm and cozy, as Mr. Ixnorhorb also had a comfortable build up of wax within the ear. I suggested removing both the wax and the visiting human through traditional moxibustion and began to create the ritual bonfire, but Mr.Ixnorthorb was concerned for the welfare of this little visitor, and now that he knew the cause of his persistent itch (excessive wax buildup+tiny human living in ear) felt the relief of knowing was enough, and would allow the little person to remain for the time being.

Provided the patient with the requisite informative brochure "HUMANS LIVING IN YOUR EAR? WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW" and suggested he visit again if his feelings changed.

Highland Berrysoul 7/13/2021 11:32pm

Grimble Grumble could certainly tell a story! That is, the usual, incomprehensible tale told by the locals. Something about giants and gnomes and spirits who live in the rivers, but he kept mixing up his sizes and the sometimes the giants lived under rocks and the gnomes were big as mountains, and things that happened at the end of the story should have happened at the beginning, and in general things were all jumbled up. I kept dozing off, frankly, but eventually found myself in one of the dark rooms off the endless halls and crawled into a musty bed. Boy was I tried!

Grimble Grumble 5/26/2021 11:29pm

Oh, the Age of Giants. Were we ever giants? By your reckoning? Well of course we were! Because it was your very "reckoning" that defined everything you didn't like and diminished it.

The thing is, "big" and "small" were not so set before you came along. I might be the biggest sprig on this leg of the Island of Brerrysoul today and tiny as a hollyhock weevil tomorrow. Back in those days, anyway.

Size was fluid. Meaning was fluid. We lived for centuries, and millennia! Because time and death and life were fluid.

You and your kind changed all that.

For now at least.

But let me tell you about the time before.

Highland Berrysoul 4/13/2021 11:57pm

"I, uh.... Thank you for inviting me into your home... Mr. Grumble? May I call you that?"

The old gnome mumbled something incomprehensible. He hadn't mumbled anything comprehensible since he let me in.

I sat with my knees up in my face at his tiny kitchen table. It was a sturdy table, and well hewn, but his entire dining set was just a few sizes too small for me. The gnome knocked about in the sink and put a kettle on. Small as the accommodations were, the heat from the stove was warming me up nicely. Steam rose from my soaked gloves and cloak, which took up too much room on the tiny kitchen counters.

"Well, I certainly owe you a grand story for letting me into your home on a night like this. How about--"

SLAM! banged the pans in the sink.

"I don't need you spreading your poison here in my own home, do I son? Don't you think you've done enough already? Just look at the place!" The old gnome could apparently speak quite clearly when he wanted to.

"Well..." I wasn't quite sure what to say. "I think you have a lovely home. And we can't all afford regular housecleaning services--"

"It's not my hygiene I'm talking about son! It's the SIZE! You have completely forgotten when we were bigger than you, haven't you? Well let me tell you about it, son..."

Grimble Grumble 3/1/2021 11:40pm

Oh god who is it now.

I should have bought the remote for the Spy Eye. Otherwise I wouldn't have to trudge through all these halls to get back to the door and see what kind of uninvited nibnab is banging at this time of night. And in the middle of winter when I can be a bit bleary eyed at that.

It's probably one of those door to door religious salesmen, with their civilization and culture and history in song and dance and videos and magazines. Not that I've got anything to play it on.

Oh lord it is one of them. The fish eye on the Spy Eye makes him look like a ferret when he looks it in the eye.

I'll just pretend I'm not home. Or asleep. These doors are thick enough he has no idea what's happening on this side.

No idea at all.

Yes, I'll just leave him at the doorstep, and trod back down these endless halls, into the depths... into my house...

Highland Berrysoul 1/17/2021 10:54pm

It's all imaginary to remember a time when being the Prince of the Island of Berrysouls meant anything. All the creatures of the Underground Forest of Secrets and the Aboveground Forest of Secrets were here long before there was any kind of "royalty" on the island. The Royal Line of the Island of Berrysouls established itself sure enough, but so long ago nobody can say if it was a rosy romantic kind of time or a genocidal destruction kind of time. Knowing what we know now, it's hard to imagine it wasn't the latter (because why would the indigenous creatures welcome some bunch of people showing up and declaring it their kingdom?). I mean, whichever it was, and no matter how long we've lived here, it seems like we're from "somewhere else" no matter what.

Nowadays, it's not like I've got any special privileges or anything. Except for the "privilege" of not being tied down to any particular piece of land on the Island of Berrysouls. Nope! Not me! I'm free as a bird. And when it gets wet, or dark, or I'm hungry or cold or thirsty, well then it's up to me to make myself useful now isn't it?

Ah, 'ere we are. Forbidden Tree 17. Home of one @Grimble Grumble, and I've got something he's been missing.

Highland Berrysoul 12/4/2020 11:15pm

"Hello? Anybody home?"

I look right up into the camera, or eye-thing or whatever. It's drippy wet and goopy, hanging by tendrils from the ceiling of the porch.

"It is I, Highland Berrysoul, born Prince of the Island of Berrysouls, now a common pauper like yourselves. I would speak to you on this dreary night in the Forest of Secrets!"

The thunder claps, and more rain comes down. I pound on the door again and look up into the eye.

"It's really quite wet and cold out here tonight. If you could spare a warm space by the fire I'd be happy to regale you with stories of my family history on the Island of Berrysouls! It's culture! The very last of our civilization! Truly, a fair trade!"

I might have to settle with just sleeping on the porch.

Grumps Tickler 10/16/2020 11:54pm

Missing packages from your porch?

Experiencing non-delivery? of your ideas and more?

Nosy neighbors nicking your loot right from under your snoot?

Identity thieves picking through your mail and leaving a burning bag of you-know-what on your welcome mat?

Hi, denizens of the Forest Garden. Are you having trouble with your mail not making it to you? Is it almost as if your stoop is haunted? Forest tweakers stealing your stuff?

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And tell 'em necessity sent ya.







* see enclosed diagram for proper installation technique
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