Roberto Shelton

Minecraft is the best

1/22/2025 11:57pm

"You all be sure to come back now!" Mrs. Wegner said. "What did you say your names were?"

Puppy Grande said something completely incomprehensible and waved back as we walked away.

"Mmmarrmar Woooodenma!"

"Oh... what?" Mrs, Wegner called after us.

Puppy waved back again and hurried up the pace.

"She wouldn't remember anyway," she said.

The item we'd purchased was in paper sack with a handle. It was heavy, as well as beat up. Puppy and I sat down at a picnic table on the sidewalk in front of a bar. The streets were still empty.

"Let's take a look at what we got," Puppy said.

I slid it out of the bag.

"I know I'm supposed to be some expert in reality generators, but this thing isn't ringing a bell at all," I said. It looked like an old hubcap.

"Well, you probably didn't see them much in the wild. And they are "reality" generators," she said.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Watch," she said, and threw the hubcap up into the air above the street like a frisbee.

Minecraft is the best

6/6/2024 10:53pm

We parked the Minecraft in an unkept athletic field behind a school. The place was deserted.

"Well, it is summer, after all," Puppy Grande said.

We walked around the school up to the street and headed down the sidewalk. There wasn't any traffic.

"Well, it's a Sunday," Puppy Grande said. "And Labor and Memorial Day are on the same day this year."

The yards of the houses we walked past were overgrown as well.

"Watering restrictions."

After a mile or so of not seeing a soul, we came to the edge of a small downtown business district. It felt abandonded.

"Teacher's strike."

Finally, we came to a dusty storefront. A Few of my Favorite Things was painted on the window. The lights were off but the sign on the door said OPEN.

"This must be the place," Puppy Grande said.

Minecraft is the best

2/14/2024 11:57pm

Puppy Grande had a plan.

"And a map!" she said.

It was one of the tourist maps from the Goggles Desert Coffee Shack Aerodrome and Emporium.

With Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal, Miyazaki, Lyubertsy, Aastaurmond, Chauxhall, and Pastoria City all... subsumed... do to lack of functioning reality generators, where to begin? They might not have been the most glamorous cities, but they were a backbone of the reality network.

The desert beneath us gave way to greener pastures, and eventually the outskirts of a city.

"Nobody can see us," Puppy reminded me about the invisible shielding of the Minecraft. "But that means we've got to be careful about collisions with any small aircraft running on dead reckoning and line of sight."

Plunk! Plunk plunk plunk plunk!

"Or a flock of geese," she added.

Out the window we saw a dozen or so geese knocked out cold on the ground.

"Oh," said Puppy Grande. "I feel terrible when that happens."

"Are they dead?" I asked.

"No, just a bit dazed. Bird bones are amazingly resilient."

"Have you considered stickers? On the hull? Like a hawk silhouette?"

"Oooo, I like your style."

"Well, I was a CEO."

"Let's get this parked and see if we can find something that will do," she said.

Minecraft is the best

10/21/2023 5:42pm

"Goggles!" Puppy Grande said, pulling hers down over her eyes and handing me a pair.

With the goggles on, the blinding white light became a prismatic spray all around us, emanating from a series of tubes.

"Yes!" I cried. It was the key in the lock. Everything fell into place. I remembered. I reached out to touch them...

"Hey hey, there! No touchee!" Puppy Grande laughed, slapping away my hand.

Apparently my memory still had some gaps.

"With these bad boys plugged in, we cut through the surf like a hot knife through butter. Our Nowness Factor is over 10x."

"That's a lot happening at once."

"It's what holds everything together. Anything together," Puppy continued. "The more happening at once, the bigger the now."

"And with Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal, and the rest of offline...,"

"We're dangerously short on now. Which is why we've got to spread it around."

Minecraft is the best

7/18/2023 11:10pm

I was having trouble keeping it straight in my head.

"You've had the spare parts for the Reality Generators all along?" I asked.

We were headed down the mahogany halls to the cargo hold. There was a strange hum.

"Not 'all along,' exactly," Puppy Grande said. "We assumed them."

"And when you assume?" I asked.

"Ha ha. Under Dimensional Reality Physics it's not possible to say if we pre-existed the event or not, but the original Minecraft is the Best was subsumed, and we're what turned out."

The thought of subsuming made me shudder.

"Energy can't be created or destroyed, only converted," Puppy Grande said. "So we're the silver lining?"

She opened the door to the cargo hold and we were blinded in light.

Minecraft is the best

4/1/2023 10:38pm

Waking up on the Minecraft is the Best, I felt more rested than I had since before I started this trip. But I was also more confused than ever.

"Breakfast in 10 minutes!" Puppy Grande called from behind my door.

I joined breakfast in the satin kimono left for me in the changing room from the night before.

"Your clothes aren't dry yet. Needed the sun for that."

I appeared to be a glorious day outside. Maybe just because we were up above the clouds. Sun streamed though the windows of the dining room. I'd finished the last bite of omelette and set down my knife and fork on the china plate. The table vibrated ever so slightly with the hum of the engines. Puppy refilled my china coffee cup. It was excellent coffee.

"So, uh, where're we headed?" I asked. "Faulkton, Henderson, Wuppertal...?"

"There wasn't anything we could do," said Puppy. "They've all gone offline."

I was shocked. So soon?

"Then, we're make more!" I said. "I've got a whole factory for this kind of thing, right?" I seemed to remember owning a company...

"It's a global supply chain business," Puppy said. "Just-in-time reality. Just-not-this-time."

"Then we can dry-socket them," I said. "Find the missing RGs and jump start the grid, town by town."

"And where would you start looking?" she asked, setting her coffee down.

"Well... the last place those spare parts for the reality generators were seen," I thought out loud. "Was onboard... the Minecraft is the Best."

"Exactly," Puppy said. "Follow me."

Minecraft is the best

12/25/2022 11:35pm

Accommodations on the Minecraft are highly civilized. I have my own cabin replete with a comfortable bed, a writing desk, short stool, a small porthole, a large porthole, chaise lounge, an armchair, footstool, coffee table, samovar, dry bar, small vase with a spray of fresh flowers...

"Showers are down the hall," Puppy Grande said. "Towels available in the changing room."

Minecraft is the best

10/2/2022 11:35pm

Climbing into the Minecraft is the Best seemed like a good idea. Let's face it: I was marooned at Goggles Desert Coffee Shack Aerodrome and Emporium and looking for a way to any of the towns that hadn't received their Reality Generators, and here was somebody who seemed to know all about it.

And she knew Mr. Berrybaum, and she left me alone with her ship.

I sat up against the bulkhead in the cargo hold, looking through the hatch.

But what if it was all some kind of ploy?

"You're probably thinking this is all some kind of ploy, right?" Puppy Grande said slugging bags of coffee beans on the deck of the cargo hold.

"Er, yes?"

"It's been the case in a supermajority of the reality shards. Don't sweat it."

I was sweating.

"Let's start by getting you a bunk and a proper night's sleep," she said.

Minecraft is the best

7/20/2022 11:55pm

I tied the rope off on an old mesquite stump. It's just what you do when somebody in a blimp drops a rope and asks you to. Even if it's an invisible blimp.

"Thanks!" called the voice from inside the hatch. "There isn't really much of a breeze, so that should do it."

I couldn't get a good look at them through of the glare of light from inside the hatch. But then they dropped a rope ladder and climbed down.

"Puppy Grande," she said. "And you're Roberto Shelton."

Puppy had on a classic leather bomber jacket, and goggles pushed up to keep her bushy hair out of her face.

"I... don't believe we've met?" I said. Because I would have remembered.

"You're having trouble remembering. On account of the reality generators. Breaking down. No spare parts. Remember?"

Something about all this seemed so... familiar...

"Aw, heck," Puppy said. "You just climb up into the Minecraft and I'll be back in a minute. I need some coffee beans for the road, and Berrybaum's holding a couple big sacks for me."

Minecraft is the best

4/21/2022 11:41pm

"Don't stray too far!" called Mr. Berrybaum. "If you get lost, just look up!" he cackled.

After a whole day slinging coffee drinks in the tiny shack at the top of the tower, I needed to stretch my legs and get some fresh air. Mr. Berrybaum was kind enough to include room and board with my employment -- all the biscotti I could eat, and was welcome to roll out my sleeping bag next to him on the floor of the shack.

But I needed a walk.

And what I really needed was a way out of this tiny truckstop in the middle of the desert -- the Goggles Desert Coffee Shack Aerodrome and Emporium. But negotiating rides with customers while I was working didn't seem appropriate, and after we closed there was no one around. Nothing but cactus and a sky full of more stars than I'd ever seen in my life.

"Pssst! Hey! Hey you!" a voice sounded out of the darkness. From up in the air.

"Think you can give me a hand? Tie us down somewhere? Here! Watch it!"

A great coil of rope fell from the air and hit me in the head. The other end of the rope was coming out of what looked like an open window of light floating in the sky. And there was someone inside.