SHIP'S LOG:

The Celestial Voyager

Irene Jackson 4/27/2024 11:23pm

The table was strewn with empty dim sum steamer baskets. We were through.

"Well I'm just glad you understand. This wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

"I could tell something wasn't clicking. I just hadn't thought it through like you have. Or I thought it would work itself out."

I caught a server's eye and motioned for the bill.

"I think we'll both be better off meeting new people. That's what dating is for, right? To find out?"

"Maybe you're just in more of a hurry than I am."

The server counted up out plates and filled out the bill. She left it on the table with a single fortune cookie.

"Just one?"

"We'll share it."

We each took one side of the cookie, like it was a wishbone, and cracked it open. The fortune fell to the table.

We looked at each other for a moment, then I picked it up and read it aloud.

""zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Are you making up those noises?"

"No, it's written like that. Take a look."

It wasn't like any fortune I'd seen before.

"Look, on the back, those aren't lucky numbers."

"It's longitude. And latitude."

We looked at each other over the mess of the table. There were fortune cookie crumbs on it now too.

"It's a distress signal," we both said at the same time.

Rats. It was just how we got involved in the first place.

Crystal McBride 1/5/2024 11:52pm

"And how long have you been hearing this ringing sound?"

"Ever since the accident. So, I guess about three weeks?"

"Does the ringing occur in just one ear?"

"No, both. And it's not really a 'ringing.' It's more like a... scratchy, cracky noise."

"Is it continuous? Or intermittent?"

"Definitely continuous. I go to sleep hearing it, I wake up hearing it. I'm surprised I'm able to go to sleep. I think I must just block it out. But I think it's been giving me strange dreams."

"What kind of dreams?"

"Flying dreams."

"I see."

The doctor enters some notes into the file he's been holding.

"Alright then. Now, I've looked in your ears, and I don't see any obstructions or inflammation. But I have another device here. It's like a very tiny microphone that will allow us to pick up any vibrations -- any abnormal vibrations -- that might be happening in your ear. Take a look."

"It's just a little wire."

"That's right. Now, you know we always say: 'Never put anything smaller than a breadbox in your ear!'"

"What's a breadbox?"

"Ha ha! But, in the hands of a skilled otolaryngologist, it is ok. We're very careful. Are you ready now?"

"Uh, I guess?"

"Alrighty. Just sit very still... and... there. Now, I'll turn up the volume here on the spectraphone speaker system..."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

Annette Chung 9/22/2023 11:57pm

"See? Look at that squirrel. Look at its mouth."

"Like its lips? Does a squirrel have lips?"

"I mean its jaw. The bottom part of its face. Doesn't it look all purple?"

"Well, it's sort of in a shadow. But yeah, it's dark. Maybe from eating berries?"

"All the berries are gone or dried up. What if it's some kind of fungus?"

"A fungus?"

"Yeah, like a zombie fungus. Like it has rabies. Wants to bite us."

"That squirrel has been super pushy. I've been out there and it doesn't run away at all."

"Because it's mad. As in crazed."

"Let's go out there now!"

"And confront it? Enrage it? No way."

"Well we can at least get a closer look. It won't attack us, I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"Oh come on. I'm going now."

"Okay. I guess."

...

"See? It doesn't run away at all like the other squirrels. It holds its ground. THAT is creepy."

"It's just habituated. And look -- it's eating a walnut. Doesn't that have some kind of purple dye in it?"

"That sorta sounds familiar..."

"It's not even paying attention to us. Let's walk closer."

"Wait. Isn't it looking at us? What is it doing? Why is it opening its mouth like that?"

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"OH MY GOD! DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

"That's the neighbor's radio. It's always on when they're in their garage."

"No! Listen! Get closer. It's in some kind of state..."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"It's a... distress signal!"

"No."

"You know what we have to do, don't you?"

"No. I mean, come on..."

"This is EXACTLY the situation you've been talking about."

"Well... I guess that's true."

Film Benson 6/20/2023 10:53pm

"Well Doc you've got quite the setup in your lab today!"

"You bet I do, Film. Today I'm taking readings from the Atomic World."

"Atomic World? Gee, that sounds dangerous, Doc!"

"Not in this case, my young friend. You see, the Atomic World is arranged much like the solar systems and galaxies we know, with smaller satellite particles circling larger ones. Just like how our Earth orbits the sun."

"Gee Doc, it does sound just like planets. Do you think that they've got little people down there living on those planets? And that we're just---"

"Oh that's quite impossible Film. You see, they don't have any water, or money, or gasoline or food that small. You needn't worry."

"Whatever you say, Doc!"

"Ah, the first readings are coming in... now be quiet for a moment, Film."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Well gee Doc, that sounds just like a distress signal--coming from the Atomic World!"

"It certainly does, Film. And that means it's time to break out another one of my experiments, the Ultra-Reducing Atomic Ray!"

"Oh boy Doc, that sounds like just the ticket!"

Percy Percy 2/28/2023 11:53pm

"Grandma? It's Percy. Your great grandson. How are you doing today?"

The assisted care facility always has that smell. But grandma smells ok. Just old.

"I don't think she knows we're here," Lily says. "But she's awake..."

Grandma is sitting up in her wheelchair. As well as she sits up these days. Her eyes are open, but with that vacant look.

"Grandma? Hi! How's it going?" I ask softly.

"What's that buzzing sound? Do you hear it?" Lily asks. "It's super faint... does somebody have a radio on?"

"Maybe it's her hearing aid. Let me..." I put my ear up close to Grandma's.

"Not her hearing aid," I say. "But... wait... there. Put your ear up to her mouth."

We both put our ears up near to Grandma's face. And we can hear it... ever so faintly...

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"It's coming from her mouth?" Lily asks.

"Probably her fillings. They used to put all kinds of stuff in them."

We listen to the message repeat.

"It sounds like... some kind of distress signal..." Lily says.

"It does. Let's wheel her down to the nurses' station and see what they say."

Grandma seems to crack a little smile.

Yolando Hussey 11/27/2022 10:19pm

Nothing but sage brush and prairie, as far as the eye can see. Nothing but the clip clop of the horses and the tinkling of the crystals to keep me company. 

“YOLANDO! STOP THE HORSES! NOW!”

And one cranky old buzzard. 

Sigh. ”What is it, Yolanda?”

“STOP THE DAMN HORSES! I caught something on the crystal but it’s real faint. Get your ass in here!”

I bring the horses to a halt and lock the wheels, then climb back into the wagon. It’s like being in the middle of a chandelier. Little blue crystals dangling off little wires everywhere, including off Yolanda. She’s taken to hanging them from her hair and ears and even got her nose pierced so she could hang a couple there too. 

“Now shush” she says. 

Then, real faint like, there’s a whisper starts to whisp around the crystals. 

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"The seein' ball's starting to light up too," she says. "You heard em! We gotta go find 'em! Whattaya doing lollygaggin around back here for? Get those horses movin!"

Penny Salazar 9/5/2022 9:30pm

"Aw gee mom, thanks. You really didn't have to."

I know my kids have too many talking toys. Talking Tina, Bearlu the Conversational Bear, Madman Orin, Repetitive Rick. We have multiples of each of those and more. I go to a lot of thrift stores.

"But this one is new!" I exclaim. "We don't have any like it. It's some kind of turtle, but when you squeeze its toe..."

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

"Aw mom, it's just another one with the battery going dead. They always say weird stuff when their power gets low."

Not this time. This time is different. I can feel it.

Cal MacCallum 6/25/2022 11:51pm

The buzz was coming through the giant conch shell reserved for emergencies.

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

I'd come to this isolated beach so long ago precisely to forget about such things. To be a hero to the creatures of the sea was enough. Freeing the occasional dolphin from a fishing net, or cleaning tar off a gull. The deck of my trophy room looks out at the great dark sea and the moon above, washing the eye of the land. Here come the waves indeed.

I will need to prepare the reverse submersible.

Nigella Freewater 3/28/2022 9:47pm

"This is the transmission I received on the ghost box."

I flip on the reel to reel.

"zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz"

I let it repeat a few times, then fast forward the tape to 000014.

"On an adjacent subchannel, there was a burst of digitally encoded information, which I was also able to capture. It sounds like this:"

"CHEEEEENGGG! BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP CHEEEEEENG"

"Which, when run through the modem, translates into data describing an ever shifting coordinate point. It's moving at a steady rate and in a steady direction. Which means we can predict where it will be."

"AND THIS CONCERNS ME.... HOW?" asks the man in the turban.

"This transmission doesn't originate from this world," I reply. "And the coordinates indicate a point... in the beyond."

Milton Flornik 1/20/2022 10:36pm

There's a little tug on my line. Ripples in the water.

"Hey! I got a nibble. You got anything?"

"Nope," says Dej.

We float there for a bit. No more nibbles.

"How would you feel about changing the radio station?" asks Dej. "I've had about all I can take of this of this Kreutzu Bash."

"I thought you liked Kreutzu Bash."

"In small doses I can. But I can't take it no more. Probably scaring away the Frimjabs and the Sweet Burkes. And the subsonics are bound to call up a Urgh Monster from the bottom and swallow us whole."

"If you are so concerned, then yes, sure, go ahead and change the channel."

zzzzz...crkkkkk....zzzzzz ...THE MPV MADNESS SEEKS OUT A LOVER, PUTTING OUT A DISTRESS CALL TO ANY SHIPS IN THE AREA....zzzzz....crkkkkk... currently on the glide REPEAT ON THE GLIDE with no engine power... REPEAT.... zzzzz.... crkkkkk...zzzz

"Well that sounds like a distress call, now don't it?"

"Sure does. Metadata says it's a bit of a ways off. Quite a bit of a ways off," said Dej.

"Doesn't matter," I said. "We are obligated to respond. Old rule."

"Milton, you don't quite get it. I mean it's---"

"DOESN'T MATTER. I took an oath. C'mon. Start rowing!"

And as soon as we dipped our oars in is when we got capsized by the Urgh Monster.